An Englishman's Castle

I have noticed a lamentable slipping of standards over this festive break. I'm not one to lay down the law but sometimes a line must be drawn.

Wristwatches: Dear Oscar was the first man to wear a wristwatch in England and was fingered for the type he was - running off leaving his wife and children for a peach-like. Wristwatches are acceptable for a Levantine Merchant but a real Gentleman has either a pocket watch or a man who tells him the time.

Hankins: or handkerchiefs. "One for show - one for blow" Keep one in your breast pocket for wiping smuts out of Ladies' eyes and the business one up your sleeve - never in your pocket!

Shoes "no brown in town"- I need say no more - All shoes should be bulled every morning and the give away is the instep - (the bit between the heel and flat on the underneath) it should be as shiny as the top.

Man made fibres are also known as plastic - if you want to wear them why not use a Tesco carrier bag?

I look forward to an improvement next week.