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Bastards

I look forward to going into the Greengrocer's and asking for for Arlingham Schoolboys or maybe some Hen's Turds apples or Shit Smock plums but unfortunately the Bloody Bastard pear probably no longer exists.

source

I am a great fan of using the word Bastard in its true sense of "half" as often as I can. I well remember an old slater calling down for a "Bastard Duchess" shocking the passerbys (see extended entry for Slate sizes and names). And when we were building an extension, the architect had designed a "Mezzanine" level, but the builder insisted on calling it the Bastard level. Still amuses me every time I see the sign at the council offices - "the Chief Executive's office is on the Mezzanine level".

Slate Sizes:

Wide Duchess
24 x 14
61.0 x 35.6 10.54

Duchess
24 x 12
61.0 x 30.5 12.31

Small Duchess
22 x 12
55.9 x 30.5 13.61

Marchioness
22 x 11
55.9 x 27.9 14.91

Wide Countess
20 x 12
50.8 x 30.5 15.21

Countess
20 x 10
50.8 x 25.4 18.24

18 x 12
45.7 x 30.5 17.22

Wide Viscountess
18 x 10
45.7 x 25.4 20.67

Viscountess
18 x 9
45.7 x 22.9 23.13

16 x 12
40.6 x 30.5 19.87

Wide Lady
16 x 10
40.6 x 25.4 23.85

Broad Lady
16 x 9
40.6 x 22.9 26.72

Lady
16 x 8
40.6 x 20.3 29.81

14 x 12
35.6 x 30.5 23.48

Header
14 x 10
35.6 x 25.4 28.18

Small Lady
14 x 8
35.6 x 20.3 35.23

Narrow Lady
14 x 7
35.6 x 17.8 40.79

Small Header

Comments

Does that make you know who, a bastard Colonel?

Don't forget that old schoolboy workshop favourite - the bastard cut file!...

good post

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