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Non German Jokes

According to the stats most visitors here are looking for German Jokes - I have run out so here are some non German Jokes...

Oldies, but........
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says "dam"
**********
Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted.
**********
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
**********
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
**********
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
**********
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
**********
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
**********
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
**********
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
**********
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I
was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"
**********
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
**********
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says
the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines
his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to
put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really
heavy"
**********
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.
**********
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks
are too high.'
**********
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He was pulled in by a strong currant.
**********
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with
nuts & hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
**********
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
**********
Two fish are in a tank
One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"





Comments

Very droll, and I haven't seen any posted comments since your upgrade, so consider this a test.
Have a good weekend.

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wow, you had me in splits!!! nice compendium here...

well you've had me in splits... nice collection here. i like your style in general too. keep up the gr8 work!

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