« Moron payoff | Main | Why Tony will love Kerry »

Top Comic (No German Jokes)

BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Tommy Cooper 'funniest Briton'

Comedian Tommy Cooper has topped a poll of the funniest Britons of all time, according to Reader's Digest magazine.

Vintage Tommy..."Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in."
"He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books."
"And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood.' "So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
"So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'
I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.' He said 'To camp?', I said butchly! 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.' I said 'I also want to buy a caravan.' He said 'Camper?' I said campily! 'Make your mind up.'
So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died.'"
"Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'"
"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"
"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
"Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin."
"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'
Tommy Cooper was in a taxi and when he got to the end of his journey and paid his fare, the cab sat there waiting for his tip when Tommy gave him a tea bag and said, "Have a drink on me."

Comments

Tommy Cooper is namechecked on Lennon's 'Give Peace a Chance' too!

I'm not sure about all these wild "of all time" claims. Remember last year's heat wave. BRITAIN'S HOTTEST DAY EVER!! Ever?

Tommy Cooper only had to walk on to the stage and you'd been in hysterics. So he's certainly one of the funniest people of recent times.

However who can forget the legendary 7th century music hall star "Silas the Hairy" of Thaxted in Essex.

"Mine mutter-ine-lawe ist so grosse us sitzen her outiden thee hamlete Vikinges away to scare."

Post a comment