« Bloody Americans | Main | Big Brother is in your car »

Stilton time

It is time to make sure that a round of Stilton is getting ready in the larder, so I looked in Waitrose who claim to be experts on Stilton.
Bollocks - some nanny label on the back saying - "Purchase before 26th December; Best before 27th December - Once opened eat with in three days".
"At home, keep your Stilton chilled in its original packaging until about two hours before you intend to eat it and serve at room temperature. Once opened, either wrap in greaseproof paper or kitchen film, ensuring no open air can get to it and store chilled."

How wrong can you get - the bloody thing is a living beast - it needs to be kept at Larder Temp, not in a bloody fridge and allowed to breathe, not get all sweaty in plastic. And if you can't scoop out the runny centre it ain't ready!
Mrs Englishman doesn't allow it in the kitchen as it smells so bad, so the the boys and I sneak out to the Back Kitchen for snacks. I refused to buy it from Waitrose so must go into town tomorrow for some.

Mind you what do you expect of a store with acres of "Feminine Freshness" products on display? Apart from little old ladies who stink of piss, what the hell do women buy them for? A daily scrub with Coal Tar soap is all you need - if you are unhappy with the Mouse Ears being "real" and "animal" you are never going to enjoy life!

And talking about "The scent of a woman" - one great film - can I admit to the tiniest bit of sympathy for Blunkett. The visual delights of the opposite sex (your mileage may vary) are one of the great joys of life. If you have never enjoyed that, when an attractive woman falls into your lap it is perhaps understandable why you act like a teenager from a single sex school. But he should have grown up by now.

Comments

OMG what an HILARIOUS blog!!! and I absolutely love your sense of humour. really outstanding blog!!! I think you have fully earned being linked from my blog.
This is the kind of blogs we need, people!

Actually you're wasting your time buying Stilton these days. Since some EU regulation (what else) it's all made from pasteurised milk, which means it is hard and salty, and never ripens properly.

You need to buy French or Italian blue cheeses instead. In those countries the same regulation applies in theory, but in practice, well, guess what.

What the dickens were you doing in Waitrose (I assume in Marlborough) looking for stilton when across the road is 'La Petit Fromagerie' waiting to divest you of far more than you intended to spend by a) having lots of lovely cheeses, all properly kept and ripened and b) letting you try them before you buy (them all).

Shame on you.

Post a comment