Mrs Englishman and I went out for dinner last night - I was under strict instructions to behave. Previous Dinner parties have resulted in a certain coolness in the air the next morning - the one where I went out for a Rugby Club lunch and I hoped they wouldn't notice how drunk I was when we arrived. As Basil Fawlty said "I think I got away with it" - but apparently I told a most unsuitable joke... And then when we went to mix with some nice people, all went well until she said "when my horse goes toilet". To THE toilet you stupid woman, and bloody horses don't go "to toilet"; they stale. Learn the proper word... And then the one where I thought I had nothing wrong, and she didn't let on for a week the reason for the marital frostiness was that I went to sleep at the table for twenty minutes - I didn't fall into the pudding though... and the time I had an allergic reaction to the Kedgereee and it looked like they had had Bobby Sands in decorating the Bathroom ....
So best behaviour last night - bugger, I went to sleep on the sofa before the coffees - deep doodah yet again.
So I woke this morning with:
General feeling of malaise
Drooping eyelid (ptosis)
Loss of eye motion etc.
And it gets worse - the Englishettes are going down with Chicken Pox - routine vaccinations don't happen in the UK. And guess what? I have never bloody had Chicken Pox. So I'm feeling itches everywhere as I imagine I'm being invaded and reading articles such as MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia: Herpes zoster to see the symptoms (such as above)...
I'm doomed Captain Mainwaring, doomed I tell you - the red cross has been painted on the door and I am carrying a bell...