Sorry I'm a just a grumpy old man but when Kylie's breasts beat the Queen's speech outlining the nuLabour plans for a zillion new laws and demanding "respect,man" as the top story on the news something maybe slightly out of kilter in the MSM.
Not that Kylie's breasts aren't something that I have considered in the past, but she is young, fit, healthy and wealthy so, we pray, her prognosis is good. It is a non-bloody-story apart from for her and her close ones!
Anyway for those without a Kylie picture on the wall please allow me to relate the latest:
Kylie is a bit worried about a lump she has found in her breast. She goes to her nearest hospital and is shown into a cubicle. A short while later a man swishes back the curtain, looks surprised and does the full "rabbit caught in headlights" bit, thinking "bloody hell - Kylie Minogue in my hospital".
Kylie says to him "sorry to bother you, I would like you to inspect my breasts please."
The man looks kind of uncomfortable. "I'm sorry Miss Minogue but it's really not my department - I'd love to help but there are these rules you see..."
"Please help me," says Kylie, "I'm terribly worried."
Thinking "what the hell" the man proceeds to give Kylie a very tender but thorough and professional inspection.
"Hmm," says he, "I can see what you mean. I think you should see a doctor
"You mean you're not a doctor?" asks Kylie, horrified.
"No," says the man, "I'm just the porter. I was just checking the cubicle and didn't realise it was occupied. I did try to tell you but you were so insistent."
"That's terrible," says Kylie, "I've just let some random bloke fondle my breasts."
"That's not the worst of it," says the bloke. "Even if I could tell
anyone, they would never believe me."