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Cleaning the Car

Herself needs to borrow my car this morning for the school run so I am busy tidying it out - off the back seat so far:
Whitney Blankets, unused - 2
Kukri, used - 1
Steel Helmet, 1940, blue with Police painted on it, - 1
Sweet papers, various - 8
Guns and Ammo Magazine - 2
Chestnuts - 7

An average haul, what rubbish is in your car?


Sleeping bag, used - 1
Swiss army knife, used - 1
Cassetes, various - 15
Spear, used - 1
Sweet wrappers too many
Bottles of water - 3
Water bowl (dogs) - 1
Tin opener, used - 1
Doggie treats, 7
Dog blanket - 1
Torch - 2
Copy of 'Food for Free' - 1
Copy of Viz - 1
Copy of Private Eye - 1
Bastanada, used - 1
Fluffy toy bunny - 1

ice scraper - 1
uk road map - 1
map case (with OS map)& compass -1
308 spent cases - 3
pen - 1
cassette box - 1
kiddie seats - 2
blankets - 2
dog water - 1
dog lead - 1
bungess - lots
12 bore spent cases - loads
beating stick - 1
first aid kit - 2
smelly old Barbour - 1
wellies - 2
HD tow rope - 1
hats - 3

Hard to say, it varies from wonderful treasures collected from London, to rhemes of books , magazines, and etc. I always know where everything is though...!
Feel free to come comment and check out my blog, I've just opened it up.

On a cursory glance through the window at lunch time:

Front passenger well -
Sweetie wrappers (to many to even estimate)
Empty cigarette boxes (ditto)
Street Atlas of Johannesburg
Cooler box containing beer bottles empty and two full, but luke warm
Toy snake used to deter car thieves
2 empty cassette boxes, but no cassettes
6 unpaid traffic offence notices

Under canopy -
Step ladder
Electric drill
Dog blanket
Box of old clothing for charity shop
Another cooler box full of empties
Tool kit minus all the useful tools
1st Aid kit minus all useful bits
Tow rope
1 tin of coconut milk?
One of the missing cassettes

I walked away realising how the weekend will be to spent.


Oh and I forgot the WMD grade panga stuffed behind the bench seat.


Glasgow A-Z
UK road map
Various Dylan CD's
Various Haydn CD's
Scottish Eagles season ticket (alas defunct)
Wallace and Gromit Ice scraper "glove" thingy
Boat keys
Loose change
Paper towel used as "hands-free" phone mounting
Various Hockey match programs

10 pounds (roughly) of plastic grocery sacks waiting for recycling
2 empty slim-fast cans
1 used coffee mug
crumbs, Crumbs, and CRUMBS


You have tapped into some deep psycological reservoir generating the largest response that I have observed on your web site. Toy snakes, maps of Johannesburg, tins of coconut oil? What strange idiosyncrasies have you unearthed? Does Cro-Magnon survive in the hinterland?

I anxiously await the next paleontograthy find.

like the idea of the toy snake.. and the only time you'd know it hadn't worked was when your car goes missing. funny.

Pick-up truck: behind the seat are tie-downs for the off-road motorcycle(s), and a red t-shirt in case something long sticks out the back. Used to have a thing like a Kukuri (I keep the Kukuri upstairs now) that was from a paper-cutter, the cut-off handle bit with a great-big 1-1/2" bolt through the end to give it a bit of weight... Grrr.

I started compiling a list of stuff piled in and around the back seat but stopped when I broke through a crusty layer and I swear something hissed at me (a job for the wife me thinks) On a good note, I have discovered that if I break sharply, an inexhaustible supply of mint imperials rolls out from under the driverís seat and can be retrieved by rummaging under the clutch pedal, so thatís alright then.

Ray seems to have found my automobile detritus fascinating or grounds for having me committed (I didn't understand all of the big words what he wrote). So let me add some clarity:

Toy snake - based on the probably false premise that africans are deeply terrified of snakes and the equally false premise that all car theives are african. (With my luck the Remittance Wagon will be half-inched by the only white car thief south of the Limpopo).

Street map of Johannesburg - well I go there sometimes and despite the fact it is largely laid out on a grid pattern I get lost easily (must be all those tall buildings and traffic lights).

Can of coconut milk (not oil) - we'll the secret's out, The Remittance Man watches Nigella now and then and has been known to whip up the odd something in the kitchen. Coconut milk, by the way, adds a little something to a good bowel rattling curry.

Tom, where can I get one of these inexhaustible mint imperial dispensers?



I did have a can of coconut oil in the car once, but when the then Remittance Babe found it she accused me of moral terpitude and started throwing things at me. Since she knew my morals were terpidinous anyway I can only surmise she thought I was playing the odd away game (untrue). I never found out though as she left soon after running out of ammo.


One of:
Sand, Bag
Saw, Bow, Metal
Scraper, Windshield


Garbage, Non-food, Assorted

That I believe sums it up. Rather sad in a way.

easier to describe the contents of my wheely bin..

-- Canvas tool bag, containing various tools, work gloves plus .22 mini-revolver and sundry boxes of ammo
-- 50' rope, coiled
-- Sundry tie-downs
-- Packing "pad", nicked from the last moving company who hauled all our crap to Texas
-- .22 pump-action rifle + 5 (!) boxes of ammo
-- Case of 16ga ammo
-- 5 x loose rounds of 6.5x55mm Swede
-- Ice-scraper (why this, in Texas, you ask? -12F last night plus ice storm)
-- Fold-up camp chair

Back seat:
-- 1 x bag biltong
-- 1 x packet Walker's beef & onion chips
-- 1 x book
-- 1 x umbrella
-- 1 x small plastic bag (used for trash)

Front seat:
-- Power adapter for iPod
-- 1 x box .38 Spec +P ammo (which is a mystery, because I don't remember buying it or even putting it in there, AND I don't have a .38 Spec handgun)
-- 4 x tins of .177 airgun pellets (these belong to the Son&Heir)
-- spare cylinder for mini-revolver
-- bag of caramel hard sweets
-- map of Texas
-- packet of hand-wipes
-- about $5 in loose change.

Not too bad, really.

Remittance Man,

You may want to put a rubber snake under the driver's-side visor -- it's the first place thieves will look for a spare ignition key.

now that is a goody Kim. I suppose it has to be made of rubber and not wood.. lol

Good plan, Kim.

I've always worried that an immobile plastic toy might lack a certain realism. Having it tumble into their laps as the little scrotes fished around may prove far more effective (or at least entertaining for any bystanders).



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