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Competition time

I think it is time that we had a poetry competition here - so a prize for the best Haiku or Clerihew on David Cameron.
Prize will be a suitable amount of Alcohol if I can arrange it.

Three lines, 5,7,5 syllables per line - so David Cameron fits either the first or third line.

David Cameron
Thinks we need another posh
New Labour Tory

They are four lines long.
The first and second lines rhyme with each other, and the third and fourth lines rhyme with each other.
The first line names a person, and the second line ends with something that rhymes with the name of the person.

Tony Blair
Doesn't care
If it will be Brown
or Dave Cameron

I'm sure you can do better...


Haiku attempt:

David Cameron -
Tony Blair, taught at Eton;
Max Hastings' wet dream.

Nice Dave Cameron
So central touch-ee feel-ee
Niice Dave Cameron

David Cameron
Oxford and Eton
Is now MP for Witney

Sorry, carried away with my excitement. Not done this since second year english in the 1970s.

David Cameron
Tory MP for Witney
Oxford and Eton

David Cameron
Is the Tory leader of
The opposition

Ere, Charlie Kennedy is on the TV right now explaining that he has apparently had a drink problem!!!

Who'd a guessed?

I noticed he called the Press conference for 5:45pm, Gives them enough time to get to the pub for opening at 6:00!

David Cameron
He is neither Red nor Blue
But both - He's Maroon

David Cameron
Tory MP for Witney
But not Houston

David Cameron
Leading Conservatism
Beware of schism

I also notice Charlie forgot to mention that he was a fucking liar, regularly pissed in November and Ginger! Bastard.

Ginger whinge drinker
Binge lying in November
Shoot Libdems don't they?

Cameron, oh so nice guy
Came with a great plan
To stuff the ole' Tory man

Such a nice guy Cameron
To all but a Baron
For old values are out
White males matter nowt

Am Tory Party;
For Cameron did not vote
Please re-clone Thatcher ?

Yet another way
For Tories to lose their shirts;
David Cameron.

It seems to me
That this may be
The end of the Tories
And happy stories.

And, while we're about it, how about a limerick:

There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan;
When told that they did so
He said, "Yes, I know so;
Because I always try to fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

Arsh.. fahk... blue petal on wind, makesh world happy....wanna drink guv? bollocksh...

Conservatives seek
Power at any price with
Their own Tony Blair

Young David Cameron
Is here to pour scorn on
The Thatcherite schemes
Of Conservative dreams.

The Tory voters chose Dave Cameron,
And gave Dave Davis a thorough hammerin.
But I Dave Cameron now abhor
And expect he soon will cross the floor.

Our Dave Cameron
Some Medici connections
All canvas, no paint

Ah, I'm afraid that I'll have to weigh in with my traditional limerick...

There once was a young man called Dave,
Whose Party thought him terribly brave.
When he swung to the Left
We all felt bereft:
Our white hope was a socialist knave...

OK, a quick haiku,

Newbie Cameron
It seems he only wants to
Be on camera


A Hiaku with the most gratuitous swearing,

David Cameron
is an authoritarian,
drop dead fuckface twat.

Do we really need
A conservative leader
Modelled on Tony?

David Cameron
Smiles when the camera's on.
But we all know that deep within
He aspires to be Blair's twin.

Another haiku:
Eager for office
Desperate Tories call on
David Cameron

How about...
Dave Dave Cameron Cameron
Head of the Tory crew
Took great care of his party
Though he was only two.

Dave Dave said to his party,
'Colleagues', he said, said he.
'We will never see our
Returning to power
Unless we act like Tony.'

There was a boy whose name was Dave
(Who barely had begun to shave)
Sent off to sleep with fairy stories
And woke up leader of the Tories -
A task at which strong men had quailed
(His predecessors all had failed).
But Cameron would be the man -
He had a strategy, a plan...

Although he knew it was quite phony
He tried to sound a lot like Tony
(Without the lying and deceit
Which, frankly, would be quite a feat).
The tone of voice, the fake concern -
These were the hardest things to learn.
Sincerity, they say, is best.
If you can fake that, then the rest
Is easy. He with practised smile
Replaced the substance* with mere style
And party programmes - dumped the lot.
Till in the end while he had got
The policies, the look, the patter
And if he won - it wouldn't matter.

*I point out, lest you think I'm joking
These substances were not for smoking.

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