The Australian Papers report - from a reader.
Bio-Terrorism Rocks London
By Special Correspondent Harry Lord.
21. Jan 2006
Londoners woke this morning with a sigh of immense relief knowing that Scotland Yard’s boys in blue have yet again covered themselves with well deserved glory.
Hot on the heels of the radical Terrorist Group, Father’s 4 Justice’s plot to kidnap little Leo, The House of Commons was packed for an Emergency Sitting at 5 am to hear how the Prime Minister, The Right Honourable Tony Blah, had personally directed the action at the soon to be notorious “ Pig and Apple’ pub in Devizes, previously famed only for its scrumpy.
SWAT teams from four counties were on the scene in helicopters within minutes of a sinister figure at a table in the snug, believed to be a father, uttering the threat “a pox on all their houses”. Patrons were herded into the car park after smoke and shock bombs were tossed into the main bar amid ‘awed’ imbibers.
Landlord, Jim Elfixit said “ Oi didn’t even ‘ave toim to cawl larst orders”. His heavy west country brogue and middle-eastern sounding name was enough to arouse suspicion and he was bundled into a daddy-wagon and is believed to being held somewhere in Paddington. He is the only person being held at present, but a Police Spokesman said “ we are following leads. There are a lot of fathers in Devizes”
A helmeted figure was seen escaping on horse-back across the fields minutes later, stopping only to pluck a few apples in a nearby orchard. The helicopters sent in pursuit failed to find him.
Forensic scientists were flown in from Tasmania as part of the Australian Prime Minister, Mr John Howard’s aid to his ‘ally in the War on Terror’ and are examining droppings in a five mile radius. Mr Howard told a group of reporters from the Australian ABC, who flew with the scientists, that “Australia has fathers too”. He spoke to them by phone from Kirrabillie.
The pub was destroyed shortly after by members of a nearby Tank Regiment “as a precaution”.
PM Blah dangled his son Leo on his knee as he told reporters that "Leo can sleep safely knowing his Daddy's workplace has safe employment practices".
To make sure his message reached into the heartland of terrorism and that he, personally was leading the efforts, he announced, "My fax machine and mobile phone nearly melted. I will be introducing New and Radical Measures in the coming weeks to cover the phone bills. It just has to be done. We can’t have proper fathers, like me, financially disadvantaged." Mr Howard concurred.