The Birds and the B's
A DOCTOR who campaigned to rid a town of gulls was convicted yesterday of shooting a bird that had deposited an unwelcome addition into his wife's salad.
Brian Boughton, the founder of an anti-seagull action group, had a licence to shoot them, but only if they were a danger to public health.
Boughton said that the birds, which were nesting on the roof of his home in Dartmouth, Devon, were aggressive and spread disease. One had dive-bombed his wife as she ate her lunch, covering her food with droppings.
Boughton was convicted of unlawfully shooting the bird, contravening the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981, after a trial before Totnes magistrates.
The court was told that he had shot the bird with an airgun before stringing it up in his garden as a deterrent to other gulls. He was prosecuted by the RSPCA after a complaint from a member of the public.....
Boughton was given a one-year conditional discharge and ordered to pay £400 costs.
Obviously a Doctor's opinion that a bird that shits on your food is a danger to public health is wrong and our world will only be safe if we get rid of gun wielding maniacs and let the wildlife take over.
I used to pop in for lunch at a farmer who kept a parrot flying around the kitchen, I was always a bit wary as the parrot poo on the table looked just like the home made mayonnaise that was liberally put on the salad. Luckily before every visitor was poisoned the bird made a bid for freedom and escaped. But not before it freaked out the Police Firearms officer who was filling out some forms on the kitchen table one day when there was some knocking on the table and a quiet voice saying "Who are you?". He was alone in the kitchen, there was no dog or cat even, but ever so often there was a sharp rapping on the table and this voice. As he was backing out the door thinking up excuses why he had had to rush away Mrs Farmer came in and opened the knife drawer of the table where Polly had been banished for being a nuisance.
(The Headline? - "Boughton is the father of Emma B," Ding Dong!)