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The Birds and the B's

Doctor shot gull that left unsavoury salad dressing - Britain - Times Online

A DOCTOR who campaigned to rid a town of gulls was convicted yesterday of shooting a bird that had deposited an unwelcome addition into his wife's salad.
Brian Boughton, the founder of an anti-seagull action group, had a licence to shoot them, but only if they were a danger to public health.
Boughton said that the birds, which were nesting on the roof of his home in Dartmouth, Devon, were aggressive and spread disease. One had dive-bombed his wife as she ate her lunch, covering her food with droppings.
Boughton was convicted of unlawfully shooting the bird, contravening the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981, after a trial before Totnes magistrates.
The court was told that he had shot the bird with an airgun before stringing it up in his garden as a deterrent to other gulls. He was prosecuted by the RSPCA after a complaint from a member of the public.....
Boughton was given a one-year conditional discharge and ordered to pay 400 costs.

Obviously a Doctor's opinion that a bird that shits on your food is a danger to public health is wrong and our world will only be safe if we get rid of gun wielding maniacs and let the wildlife take over.

I used to pop in for lunch at a farmer who kept a parrot flying around the kitchen, I was always a bit wary as the parrot poo on the table looked just like the home made mayonnaise that was liberally put on the salad. Luckily before every visitor was poisoned the bird made a bid for freedom and escaped. But not before it freaked out the Police Firearms officer who was filling out some forms on the kitchen table one day when there was some knocking on the table and a quiet voice saying "Who are you?". He was alone in the kitchen, there was no dog or cat even, but ever so often there was a sharp rapping on the table and this voice. As he was backing out the door thinking up excuses why he had had to rush away Mrs Farmer came in and opened the knife drawer of the table where Polly had been banished for being a nuisance.

(The Headline? - "Boughton is the father of Emma B," Ding Dong!)


First I find out Ashley and Angel Long hail from Wiltshire, now you inform us Emma B is from Dartmouth. I'm really going to have to forgo Martinique this year and spend my holidays in Wessex instead.


By the way, I was once told of a rather amusing method of dispatching seagulls.

According to my informant one places a small piece of carbide inside a scrap of fish and throws it to the gulls. Naturally it gets eaten almost instantly.

Now carbide, as I'm sure you are aware, produces large volumes of gas when it comes in contact with water. The same reaction occurs when it meets the stomach contents of a gull. This results in the gull filling with gas rather like a balloon.

Aparently if one gets one's timing just right the detonation of this home made gull grenade can be spectacularly messy.


ps I have some very strange friends, as you can probably tell.

A) It's a different Emma B (in this case a former Radio 1 DJ)

B) He's a Brummie incomer. Like all these bloody cockneys who move to the countryside and then complain about about cockerells crowing at the crack of dawn and cows crossing the road and holding up traffic.

Shoot the flipping things. They're nasty ill tempered birds naturally. When you add in a complete idiot of a towni that starts to feed them they lose fear of man (& woman).That is when the become really dangerous.
EPCOT had a problem with them when I worked there and overnight they all disappeared and no-one said anything. Mickey must have waved his magic wand or someting.
As for the RSPCA they've got a track record we can all be proud of with regards to waifs and strays that they put down

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