That Banned Defra Wiki Page is here - including the Owl Magnet!
Poor Dave Miliband and his Wiki experiment.
This was the last publicly edited page before the Defra wonks pulled the plug.
Wonko's World ｻ Defra Wiki is another slightly different version - the more kept and displayed for history the better!
Apologies for the formatting and settle yourself down for a good read...
Hi there. I'm David, Dave, Milliband. I've set up this big conversation
Dear Defra "It's Wikid Man" user,
A new dawn has broken, has it not?
The questions and answers below are intended only as a starting point
To edit the text you just need to click on 'edit page' at the top right
If you would like to explain why you've made certain changes or discuss
Tony Blair (Ms)
What is this environmental contract for?
We believe that the environmental problems we face, like sharks (which are
largely caused by incompetent governments in backward, hegemonic countries)
represent the gravest threat to human life and prosperity, and to the natural
resources and assets on which it depends (apart from psycopaths with nuclear
capability who have never been near a battlefield front-line in their life and
if they can possibly help it never will). Besides which we just can't help but
meddle, interfere, impose our views on others, and generally use taxpayers
resources in ways that are wasteful except in our own
We believe that current levels of worldwide consumption are
unsustainable, and that what we cannot, because of European Community
straight jackets, and will not, because of blatant self
interest, extend to every citizen of the planet should not form the basis
of our modern existence.
We believe that each of us has the capacity to play a part in tackling these
problems and that action by individuals will be needed. But too often we are
dissuaded from doing so by doubts about whether our actions will make any
difference, and whether they will leave us unfairly disadvantaged (self
interest, you mean).
We propose this environmental contract as a way to overcome such doubts, by
creating a framework which makes clear our own responsibilities towards the
environment, and the responsibilities we can expect others to bear in return and
the actions we can expect them to undertake.
country, its citizens, their progency and their legacy are all creations of a
Higher Being (insert Higher Being of your choice here), and any attempts to
alter the natural order of things will have divine repurcussions. Therefore,
we'll do nothing and blame it on God.
Where is the party for the environmental contract? Can I come? Will there be
The contract is between citizens and their government. All are welcome to
take part but it is too late to wait for the unconvinced. Action must begin
today (Accenture need the cash) and from this action it is hoped that others ( class=wikiCreate
will be inspired to play their part in the process.
What are the principles on which the environmental contract should be based?
An environmental contract should be based on the following principles:
- Reciprocity: government won't ask citizens or businesses to do
anything without saying clearly what it is going to do in return, without
committing to provide the necessary infrastructure, information and support
systems and without explaining clearly why something needs to be done.
- Subsidiarity: environmental contracts should be negotiated at the
lowest appropriate level. Sometimes that will be global or supranational,
sometimes national, other times local.
- Equity: costs and benefits should be allocated fairly. Polluters
should pay; environmental stewards should be rewarded; those who have made a
bigger historical contribution to pollution have a correspondingly greater
obligation to respond to it. The likes of Jeremy Clarkson, in promoting
pollution, should be penalised thrice over. Once for driving vehicles above
and beyond the speed limit, causing both noise and exhaust pollution. Twice
for writing for the dead-tree press, contributing to deforestation (a glossy
magazine won't print so well on recycled paper). Thrice for leading naive
post-pubescent teenagers astray from environmentally friendly commuting (stay
at home with Mother - and yet Mother is so fearsome! I weep).
- Empowerment: as far as possible the environmental contract should
be designed to encourage individual action; choices should be informed; and
options judged unacceptable through a transparent and democratic process
should be excluded.
- Convenience: being a good environmental citizen should become the
easy option, enabling environmentally friendly behaviour to be the default;
wherever possible citizens should be made to opt-out of environmentally
unfriendly behaviour not obliged to opt-in.
- Cocopopity: this is when a man lets you kiss him on the
What tools can be used to deliver the environmental contract? Spade,
Organic Yoghurt Stirrer, Old washing up liquid bottle, Sticky Back
To deliver the environmental contract, we believe policy-makers need to use a
range of different approaches and tools.
These tools need to:
- Remove the Thames barrier and put in place a row of coracles
- Create the right incentive frameworks to shape individual choices
Communicate and engage with people effectively
Utilise simpilisitude to congruate philiteens
Show that government practises what it preaches
Tools that remove barriers include:
Providing simple, trustworthy and timely hen attacks.
Offering convenient and well targeted personal advice and support for
Providing essential infrastructure
Equipping people with necessary skills
Tools that create the right incentive frameworks include:
Environmental taxes and charges
Grant schemes for working towards environmental targets
Emissions trading schemes and other market based incentive schemes
Product standard regulations -- and a clear forward path
Voluntary and negotiated agreements
removal of subsidies to environmentally unfriendly behaviour
- Big Stick
- Owl magnet
Tools that communicate and engage with people effectively include:
Working through NGOs and community based organisations
Well targeted advertising campaigns
Tools that show that government practises what it preaches include:
Sustainable public procurement
Politicians modelling good environmental behaviours such as using public
transport rather than ministerial Jaguars, not visiting remote locations
purely for PR (such as flying themselves and a load of journalists around the
world to look at melting glaciers) etc.
Setting high sustainability standards when disposing of land for
Adequate funding for information, advice and support services
A clear framework for assessing and improving the sustainability
performance of local and central Government
- Tony Blair mask
- Full Tony Blair outfit
What would an environmental contract for waste look like? Will it look like
separate household wastes and use the facilities provided
pay variable charges depending on the amount of waste their household
produces and how much they recycle
use compostors to recycle garden and some household waste
encourage their neighbours to spy on each other.
have sex with everything and everyone, including owls
think about waste when purchasing e.g. food as well as using products
appropriately and use offsetting to remove guilt.
recognise the need for facilities to extract energy from waste is a
talking point which can raise social standing.
- pay a higher proportion of their income to the government, and see little
tangible improvement in their standard of living.
In return, government will:
collect your rubbish and clean streets individually, while smiling and
provide convenient, personalised “kerbside” recycling facilities
give simple advice to customers on what they can recycle
insist that recycling and waste contractors stick to a code of
conduct on what is collected and what is not collected
offer composting products to citizens on a cost recovery
create arrangements for variable charging to ensure that public services
are paid for using a stealth taxing system.
place obligations on key sectors to reduce waste from their products
except where the waste has a propaganda value.
send you photographs of Tony Blair in his pants
reward neighbourhoods that agree to situating waste facilities in their
area and create ghetto enviroments for non Labour wards.
participate in trading schemes aimed at reducing landfill which produce a
non disclosable revenvue stream.
give complete transparency over the costs involved and allow citizens to
sack incompetent officials and to reduce government waste
- hire more special advisors and press officers.
respect general and sector specific waste regulations
pay additional landfill taxes
identify opportunities to increase resource productivity and use waste as
- reduce the use of packaging in all products while still maintaining the
risk avoidance attitude which made the packaging a requirement in the first
- endeavour to produce products locally, remembering that we are now a
In return government will
incentivise business to use less weight through landfill tax by
shortchanging and using flimsy materials.
provide pre-natal advice and support programmes
enforce regulations to prevent other businesses free riding or finding a
way of increasing untaxable profits
work with the packaging industry to reduce packaging waste/ increase
recyclability by closing all href="http://wiki.defra.gov.uk/WikiHome/EnvironmentContract/MacDonalds?create=1&sourcePage=%2FWikiHome%2FEnvironmentContract">MacDonalds?.
work with retailers to reduce waste at the end
What would an environmental contract for energy look like? Will look like my
face? My beautiful face?
- insulate homes they own through the use of generious grant schemes
- buy the most efficient lights and appliances at a lower than cost price
(subsided through taxes... erm...)
- reduce unnecessary energy use, e.g by turning off appliances when not used
- choose low carbon modes of transport where available
- buy the lowest carbon vehicles appropriate for their needs through the use
of generious grant schemes
- drive efficiently which might involve travelling faster than the posted
- consider using new green technologies such as microgeneration where
- encourage their family, friends and neighbours to do all these things and
saving the government the PR spend
In return government will
set clear targets for reducing carbon emissions and the reintroduction of
lead by example it its own activities and encourage local government to
support organisations and networks that deliver change at the local
continue to use the tax system to encourage subsidise energy-saving
support businesses to green their consumer products and services,
including through energy regulation, and
regulate to remove from the market products that are unnecessarily energy
develop policies that ensure nuclear power is a good thing
What would an environmental contract for water look like? Will that look
like my face too?
think about water usage in their homes
turn off taps when not using them
- place a brick in their lavatories
never wash, use government promotional material to promote the benefits
of uncleanliness (i.e the great benefits of sores and bubonic
drink less tap water, only consume bottled water
use rainwater for watering garden, washing etc.
obey restrictions on water usage in times of water stress.
ensure adequate supplies of safe, clean, affordable drinking water
(so there will be no water restrictions to obey, right?)
regulate to ensure that new and renovated buildings incorporate water
saving features as standard - except when building houses for Labour voters in
work with the industry and the regulator to tackle leakage and wasted PR
promote efficient use of water although will stop short of issuing
- place a brick in all Westminster lavatories
provide incentives for companies to supply bottled tap water at a high
price to citizens
offer rainwater barrels to citizens on a cost recovery
commission research into the effects of climate change on the
availability and quality of water in the UK
ensure that planning authorities are obliged to take into account
availability of water when considering planning applications
work with the farming and water industries to tackle the problem of
diffuse water pollution from agriculture
What would an environmental contract for sustainable finance look like? My
faaaaace. My beautiful faaaaaaace.
- understand the impact of their savings and investments on environment and
- spend the financial gains from their savings and investments in a
- explore ways that they can use their investments to support sustainable
businesses and promote one planet living;
- ensure that their voice is heard by voting at company annual general
meetings in a way that supports sustainable business;
- check that their fund manager is actively voting their shares in a way
that is consistent with the principles of one planet living;
- request regular reports on the responsible ownership actions of their
- ask fund managers for the portfolio of companies where their money is
invested and check that the companies in these portfolios are consistent with
their own principles;
- encourage neighbours to think about the environment when saving and
In return, government will:
- provide access to high quality, fictional information on how savings and
investments impact on environment and society;
- ensure that consumers are asked whether they would want advice on one
planet finance as part of their general financial advice;
- give simple advice to customers on what information they should ask
financial institutions to provide;
- provide better access to information to consumers on company voting to
The finance sector will:
- provide a range of sustainable savings and investment products that
support one planet living;
- expand the range of financial products in which environmental and social
factors are taken into account integrate environmental and social
considerations within ‘mainstream’ financial analysis and decision making;
- be long-term in the way that it analyses companies and ensure that it does
not actively encourage company directors to externalise costs on the
- seek to grow assets under management in specialist sustainable and
responsible investment funds (including both negatively and positively
- bring market failures that are detrimental to sustainable development to
the attention of government policy makers, and support corrective action;
- formally recognise in policy statements that there are responsibilities of
share ownership that arise from electing company directors to represent their
interests, including challenging and supporting these directors to ensure that
the company is developing in a sustainable way;
- uphold the responsibilities of share ownership by actively voting at
company annual general meetings;
- be transparent to its clients by providing information on performance,
portfolio and votes;
- identify opportunities to increase resource productivity, reduce energy
consumption and minimise waste.
- ensure charges to citizens do not exceed 10% annually
- move to a less rigidly regulated country, leaving the City of London in
In return government will
- give public recognition to financial institutions that practice
sustainable and responsible investment;
- incentivise sustainable and responsible finance through fiscal measures;
- focus on changing investment culture and building long term sustainable
- launch a sustainable investment task force at a great expense to the tax
- enforce regulations to prevent other financial institutions, such as the
government, free riding on the responsible ownership activity of others;
- provide advice and support programmes to the finance sector, including
specific guidance for pensions schemes promoting the production of an annual
report explaining what actions have been taken in support of the social,
ethical and environmental clause within the Statement of Investment
- not be afraid to legislate to deal with market failures in a way that
enhances long term investment returns;
- ensure that all government funds are invested in a sustainable and
- use all future public procurement of investment services to deliver
Government policy commitments to sustainable development through markets
- sustain the DEFRA/DTI/HMT focus on environmental technologies (including
renewable energy, water treatment, waste management etc) and sustainable
production and consumption.
- blame the Tories and their policies when things go