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That Banned Defra Wiki Page is here - including the Owl Magnet!

Poor Dave Miliband and his Wiki experiment.
This was the last publicly edited page before the Defra wonks pulled the plug.
Wonko's World サ Defra Wiki is another slightly different version - the more kept and displayed for history the better!

Apologies for the formatting and settle yourself down for a good read...



Hi there. I'm David, Dave, Milliband. I've set up this big conversation
in CYBERSPACE here to try and create a news story based around the fact
that New Labour (and me especially) really want to know what they public
think about the environment, and have used new technologies to do this.
This will mean that we look more up to date than David, Dave, Cameron, and
just as environmental too. And we didn't have to fly all over the world to
do it. Also, look at my beautiful faaaaaaaaace.

Dear Defra "It's Wikid Man" user,

A new dawn has broken, has it not?

The questions and answers below are intended only as a starting point
for development of the environmental contract. Please amend or add to them
as you think necessary.

To edit the text you just need to click on 'edit page' at the top right
of the screen.

If you would like to explain why you've made certain changes or discuss
changes made by others please use the comments box at the bottom of this
page rather than add them to the main text.

If you'd like to know more about the thinking behind the environment
contract or Wikis in general the href="http://wiki.defra.gov.uk/WikiHome/WikiHome">WikiHome page has
links to the background.


Tony Blair (Ms)

What is this environmental contract for?

We believe that the environmental problems we face, like sharks (which are
largely caused by incompetent governments in backward, hegemonic countries)
represent the gravest threat to human life and prosperity, and to the natural
resources and assets on which it depends (apart from psycopaths with nuclear
capability who have never been near a battlefield front-line in their life and
if they can possibly help it never will). Besides which we just can't help but
meddle, interfere, impose our views on others, and generally use taxpayers
resources in ways that are wasteful except in our own

We believe that current levels of worldwide consumption are
unsustainable, and that what we cannot, because of European Community
straight jackets, and will not, because of blatant self
interest, extend to every citizen of the planet should not form the basis
of our modern existence.

We believe that each of us has the capacity to play a part in tackling these
problems and that action by individuals will be needed. But too often we are
dissuaded from doing so by doubts about whether our actions will make any
difference, and whether they will leave us unfairly disadvantaged (self
interest, you mean).

We propose this environmental contract as a way to overcome such doubts, by
creating a framework which makes clear our own responsibilities towards the
environment, and the responsibilities we can expect others to bear in return and
the actions we can expect them to undertake.

We also believe that since this
country, its citizens, their progency and their legacy are all creations of a
Higher Being (insert Higher Being of your choice here), and any attempts to
alter the natural order of things will have divine repurcussions. Therefore,
we'll do nothing and blame it on God.

Where is the party for the environmental contract? Can I come? Will there be
cake? Hooray!

The contract is between citizens and their government. All are welcome to
take part but it is too late to wait for the unconvinced. Action must begin
today (Accenture need the cash) and from this action it is hoped that others ( class=wikiCreate
will be inspired to play their part in the process.

What are the principles on which the environmental contract should be based?

An environmental contract should be based on the following principles:

  • Reciprocity: government won't ask citizens or businesses to do
    anything without saying clearly what it is going to do in return, without
    committing to provide the necessary infrastructure, information and support
    systems and without explaining clearly why something needs to be done.
  • Subsidiarity: environmental contracts should be negotiated at the
    lowest appropriate level. Sometimes that will be global or supranational,
    sometimes national, other times local.

  • Equity: costs and benefits should be allocated fairly. Polluters
    should pay; environmental stewards should be rewarded; those who have made a
    bigger historical contribution to pollution have a correspondingly greater
    obligation to respond to it. The likes of Jeremy Clarkson, in promoting
    pollution, should be penalised thrice over. Once for driving vehicles above
    and beyond the speed limit, causing both noise and exhaust pollution. Twice
    for writing for the dead-tree press, contributing to deforestation (a glossy
    magazine won't print so well on recycled paper). Thrice for leading naive
    post-pubescent teenagers astray from environmentally friendly commuting (stay
    at home with Mother - and yet Mother is so fearsome! I weep).

  • Empowerment: as far as possible the environmental contract should
    be designed to encourage individual action; choices should be informed; and
    options judged unacceptable through a transparent and democratic process
    should be excluded.
  • Convenience: being a good environmental citizen should become the
    easy option, enabling environmentally friendly behaviour to be the default;
    wherever possible citizens should be made to opt-out of environmentally
    unfriendly behaviour not obliged to opt-in.
  • Cocopopity: this is when a man lets you kiss him on the

What tools can be used to deliver the environmental contract?  Spade,
Organic Yoghurt Stirrer, Old washing up liquid bottle, Sticky Back

To deliver the environmental contract, we believe policy-makers need to use a
range of different approaches and tools.

These tools need to:

  • Remove the Thames barrier and put in place a row of coracles

  • Create the right incentive frameworks to shape individual choices

  • Communicate and engage with people effectively

  • Utilise simpilisitude to congruate philiteens

  • Show that government practises what it preaches

Tools that remove barriers include:

  • Providing simple, trustworthy and timely hen attacks.

  • Offering convenient and well targeted personal advice and support for

  • Providing essential infrastructure

  • Equipping people with necessary skills

  • Hammer

Tools that create the right incentive frameworks include:

  • Environmental taxes and charges

  • Grant schemes for working towards environmental targets

  • Emissions trading schemes and other market based incentive schemes

  • Product standard regulations -- and a clear forward path

  • Voluntary and negotiated agreements

  • removal of subsidies to environmentally unfriendly behaviour

  • Big Stick

  • Owl magnet

Tools that communicate and engage with people effectively include:

  • Viral marketing

  • Working through NGOs and community based organisations

  • Well targeted advertising campaigns

Tools that show that government practises what it preaches include:

  • Sustainable public procurement

  • Politicians modelling good environmental behaviours such as using public
    transport rather than ministerial Jaguars, not visiting remote locations
    purely for PR (such as flying themselves and a load of journalists around the
    world to look at melting glaciers) etc.

  • Setting high sustainability standards when disposing of land for

  • Adequate funding for information, advice and support services

  • A clear framework for assessing and improving the sustainability
    performance of local and central Government

  • Tony Blair mask
  • Full Tony Blair outfit
  • Hammer

What would an environmental contract for waste look like? Will it look like
my face?

Citizens will:

  • separate household wastes and use the facilities provided

  • pay variable charges depending on the amount of waste their household
    produces and how much they recycle

  • use compostors to recycle garden and some household waste

  • encourage their neighbours to spy on each other.

  • have sex with everything and everyone, including owls

  • think about waste when purchasing e.g. food as well as using products
    appropriately and use offsetting to remove guilt.

  • recognise the need for facilities to extract energy from waste is a
    talking point which can raise social standing.

  • pay a higher proportion of their income to the government, and see little
    tangible improvement in their standard of living.

In return, government will:

  • collect your rubbish and clean streets individually, while smiling and

  • provide convenient, personalised “kerbside” recycling facilities

  • give simple advice to customers on what they can recycle

  • insist that recycling and waste contractors stick to a code of
    conduct on what is collected and what is not collected

  • offer composting products to citizens on a cost recovery

  • create arrangements for variable charging to ensure that public services
    are paid for using a stealth taxing system.

  • place obligations on key sectors to reduce waste from their products
    except where the waste has a propaganda value.

  • send you photographs of Tony Blair in his pants

  • reward neighbourhoods that agree to situating waste facilities in their
    area and create ghetto enviroments for non Labour wards.

  • participate in trading schemes aimed at reducing landfill which produce a
    non disclosable revenvue stream.

  • give complete transparency over the costs involved and allow citizens to
    sack incompetent officials and to reduce government waste

  • hire more special advisors and press officers.

Businesses will:

  • respect general and sector specific waste regulations

  • pay additional landfill taxes

  • identify opportunities to increase resource productivity and use waste as
    a resource

  • reduce the use of packaging in all products while still maintaining the
    risk avoidance attitude which made the packaging a requirement in the first

  • endeavour to produce products locally, remembering that we are now a
    global village.

In return government will

    What would an environmental contract for energy look like? Will look like my
    face? My beautiful face?

    Citizens will:

    • insulate homes they own through the use of generious grant schemes

    • buy the most efficient lights and appliances at a lower than cost price
      (subsided through taxes... erm...)

    • reduce unnecessary energy use, e.g by turning off appliances when not used

    • choose low carbon modes of transport where available

    • buy the lowest carbon vehicles appropriate for their needs through the use
      of generious grant schemes
    • drive efficiently which might involve travelling faster than the posted
      speed limit

    • consider using new green technologies such as microgeneration where
    • encourage their family, friends and neighbours to do all these things and
      saving the government the PR spend

    In return government will

    • set clear targets for reducing carbon emissions and the reintroduction of
      mud huts

    • lead by example it its own activities and encourage local government to
      do likewise

    • support organisations and networks that deliver change at the local

    • continue to use the tax system to encourage subsidise energy-saving

    • support businesses to green their consumer products and services,
      including through energy regulation, and

    • regulate to remove from the market products that are unnecessarily energy

    • develop policies that ensure nuclear power is a good thing

    What would an environmental contract for water look like? Will that look
    like my face too?

    Citizens will:

    • think about water usage in their homes

    • turn off taps when not using them

    • place a brick in their lavatories

    • never wash, use government promotional material to promote the benefits
      of uncleanliness (i.e the great benefits of sores and bubonic

    • drink less tap water, only consume bottled water

    • use rainwater for watering garden, washing etc.

    • obey restrictions on water usage in times of water stress.

    Government will:

    • ensure adequate supplies of safe, clean, affordable drinking water
      (so there will be no water restrictions to obey, right?)

    • regulate to ensure that new and renovated buildings incorporate water
      saving features as standard - except when building houses for Labour voters in
      marginal wards.

    • work with the industry and the regulator to tackle leakage and wasted PR

    • promote efficient use of water although will stop short of issuing

    • place a brick in all Westminster lavatories

    • provide incentives for companies to supply bottled tap water at a high
      price to citizens

    • offer rainwater barrels to citizens on a cost recovery

    • commission research into the effects of climate change on the
      availability and quality of water in the UK

    • ensure that planning authorities are obliged to take into account
      availability of water when considering planning applications

    • work with the farming and water industries to tackle the problem of
      diffuse water pollution from agriculture 

    What would an environmental contract for sustainable finance look like? My
    faaaaace. My beautiful faaaaaaace.

    Citizens will:

    • understand the impact of their savings and investments on environment and
    • spend the financial gains from their savings and investments in a
      sustainable manner;
    • explore ways that they can use their investments to support sustainable
      businesses and promote one planet living;
    • ensure that their voice is heard by voting at company annual general
      meetings in a way that supports sustainable business;
    • check that their fund manager is actively voting their shares in a way
      that is consistent with the principles of one planet living;
    • request regular reports on the responsible ownership actions of their
      product providers;
    • ask fund managers for the portfolio of companies where their money is
      invested and check that the companies in these portfolios are consistent with
      their own principles;
    • encourage neighbours to think about the environment when saving and

    In return, government will:

    • provide access to high quality, fictional information on how savings and
      investments impact on environment and society;
    • ensure that consumers are asked whether they would want advice on one
      planet finance as part of their general financial advice;
    • give simple advice to customers on what information they should ask
      financial institutions to provide;
    • provide better access to information to consumers on company voting to
      individual investors.

    The finance sector will:

    • provide a range of sustainable savings and investment products that
      support one planet living;
    • expand the range of financial products in which environmental and social
      factors are taken into account integrate environmental and social
      considerations within ‘mainstream’ financial analysis and decision making;
    • be long-term in the way that it analyses companies and ensure that it does
      not actively encourage company directors to externalise costs on the
    • seek to grow assets under management in specialist sustainable and
      responsible investment funds (including both negatively and positively
      screened funds);
    • bring market failures that are detrimental to sustainable development to
      the attention of government policy makers, and support corrective action;
    • formally recognise in policy statements that there are responsibilities of
      share ownership that arise from electing company directors to represent their
      interests, including challenging and supporting these directors to ensure that
      the company is developing in a sustainable way;
    • uphold the responsibilities of share ownership by actively voting at
      company annual general meetings;
    • be transparent to its clients by providing information on performance,
      portfolio and votes;
    • identify opportunities to increase resource productivity, reduce energy
      consumption and minimise waste.
    • ensure charges to citizens do not exceed 10% annually
    • move to a less rigidly regulated country, leaving the City of London in

    In return government will

    • give public recognition to financial institutions that practice
      sustainable and responsible investment;
    • incentivise sustainable and responsible finance through fiscal measures;
    • focus on changing investment culture and building long term sustainable
    • launch a sustainable investment task force at a great expense to the tax
    • enforce regulations to prevent other financial institutions, such as the
      government, free riding on the responsible ownership activity of others;
    • provide advice and support programmes to the finance sector, including
      specific guidance for pensions schemes promoting the production of an annual
      report explaining what actions have been taken in support of the social,
      ethical and environmental clause within the Statement of Investment
    • not be afraid to legislate to deal with market failures in a way that
      enhances long term investment returns;
    • ensure that all government funds are invested in a sustainable and
      responsible way;
    • use all future public procurement of investment services to deliver
      Government policy commitments to sustainable development through markets
    • sustain the DEFRA/DTI/HMT focus on environmental technologies (including
      renewable energy, water treatment, waste management etc) and sustainable
      production and consumption.
    • blame the Tories and their policies when things go


    But it's a Wiki, and our wonderful, joined-up (yuk), leading-edge (more yuk) e-government (how much more yuk do you want?) hasn't the faintest idea what they're doing. All the earlier versions are available, this is the last before it was shut down


    TE adds - the content wasn't there earlier when I checked but is back now - the techies don't work weekends so I think another cock up has occurred!

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