Can't get the staff these days.
In a tearful interview in the saloon bar of "The Wrinkled Retainer" Sir Jocylen Singer-Pterude-Song, known as "Mad Jo" after the incident with the kudu dung, the whip and the rioters, defended his actions in buying a "picaninny" at the market when on safari.
"The poor little bugger looked quite lost and abandoned as his mother went into Mr Ali's shop to buy a length of cloth", Mad Jo explained. "And it struck me here was my chance to give myself a better sort of life."
"The old family pile has never been the same since Uncle Ernst shot the last of the liveried servants for passing the port the wrong way and quite frankly how do you expect to run a decent shoot without enough chappies to set up the picnic tables and travelling silver service in the far covert. And the locals are bloody useless, threaten to burn their cottages down and they are still bloody lippy."
So I scooped little "Sam" up, popped down to the District Commissioner's Office, bunged a bit of Wonga down and hey presto he was mine.
Damn smart he will look too, in fact if it wasn't for the bloody press people causing a rumpus and frightening the pheasants I would be sending out for a another one to make up a matching pair. Still don't let my troubles put anyone off, everyone has room for a few so do your bit to restore proper standards and get a couple yourself. I understand that me neighbours down the road in old Beaton's place have done the same. Went shooting there last year, damn fine hocks on the American girl, didn't catch her name, but the mouth on her! Needed a lesson or two on how we behave over here, I would have bent her over my knee and given her a sound smacking...