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How to reduce "Carbon" emissions - I have a plan..

We know that an average human breathes out about 0.85kg of CO2 each day, or 310kg/year.

Politicians who are talking a lot will produce more - say 1 kg a day.

All we need to do is draw up a little list -
"As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list--I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed--who never would be missed!"

And I will soon be able to spot hundreds of kg of C02 that are being wastefully produced - any suggestions as who should be on the list...

(For the disturbingly curious, I present the maths:

The average person exhales about 0.5 litres of air with each breath. At 15 breaths per minute, that's about 10,800 L per day.

CO2 makes up about 4% of each exhalation, so we breathe out about 432 L of CO2 daily.

Assuming my chemistry isn't completely dodgy, that works out to about 0.85 kg CO2 per day:

1 mole of gas occupies 22.4L at STP
432 L C02 / 22.4 litres/mole = 19.3 moles CO2.
1 mole of CO2 weighs 44g
19.3 moles CO2 x 44 g/mole = 849g CO2
So 432L CO2/day = 0.85kg CO2/day).


Doctor: "Big breaths"
Patient, probably Babs Windsor: "Yeth, and I'm only thixteen."


Wanna peel the skin off the modern Tory party and look at what's REALLY going on under all that grey, wrinkled flesh? Then go to: www.torycarpetbaggers.blogspot.com - a new blog that over the coming weeks will reveal how we (two hacks writing under the pseudonyms of Urquhart and Trollope) 'infiltrated' the Tory machine during the 2005 general election in order to find out just how nasty the 'nasty party' is/was/was not/can be.

Unlike the Iron Lady, despite being trad Labour supporters, we certainly were 'for changing' - if only to give Tony Blair and his cronies 'a bloody nose' at the ballot box.

However, our experiences on the campaign trail in Richmond, southwest London (one of the whitest, wealthiest, WASPish constituencies in Britain) suggest that Mel Brooks is more likely to open a Kosher deli in Baghdad than the Tories are to widening their appeal. With a membership that is literally dying out (the average Tory has lived through at least one major war fought entirely on horseback), the youthful vigor of Diddy Dave Cameron et al is nothing more than a sticking plaster on a Gibraltar size lump of haemorrhoids.

The results of our research is earth shattering and will send shockwaves through the corridors of Westminster - which is why after careful consideration and legal examination it's taken so long for us to finally publish this political time bomb (a libel writ can leave a nasty taste in the wallet, don'tcha know?).

But journeying into the dark heart of a local Conservative Party association is not for the faint-hearted. We ran the constant risk of exposure; and as openly ex-Labour supporters, were under daily scrutiny. We had to campaign with all our hearts and minds to avoid any breaches of electoral rules. We had to live, breathe, eat, sleep and s**t as Tories. Indeed, we NEVER set out to scupper the Tory campaign, merely to observe it as authentic supporters.

It sounds impossible, ridiculous even, but it's 100% TRUE!

As a result of our 'deepcover,' in order to protect our indentities in an increasingly politicised media, we have chosen to maintain our anonymity, in a sort of 'Primary Colours' type way. (Well, given the third rate state of the Tory party, let's say it's more of a 'Tertiary Colours' type way...)

So forget the circus of celebrity politics and log on to: www.torycarpetbaggers.blogspot.com for a refreshingly honest expose of life inside a REAL Tory campaign machine.


Urquhart and Trollope

Carbon emissions in verse? Interesting.

Well, if this bunch of useless c*nts perform to their usual crappy standards, all we'll get is a half-arsed policy that will

a. Be expensive to the taxpayer
b. Produce no tangible result
c. Be quietly dropped when no-one is looking.

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