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The end of the euro?

Solved: the mystery of the crumbling €50 notes

THOUSANDS of Germans have been stuffing euro notes up their noses — and destroying not only their health but also the currency, police believe.

They say that the mystery of why euro notes have been falling apart since the summer — many look moth-eaten after only a day in the pocket — is down to an increasing use of crystal methamphetamine....German police forces are now advising consumers to use gloves whenever dealing with cash — and to spend as quickly as possible.

My advice to my Teutonic friends would be to firstly invest in a proper bit of kit - something like this would be acceptable at even the smartest dinner parties and secondly change to a proper currency - I find the white fivers in my wallet have lasted for years....


What ho me old matey.

Talking of white fivers, as old Logan of the wireless will tell you, that Dickie Attenborough still owes me one since we treaded the boards together in 'Hold on to your trousers vicar' at Wolverhampton. One day he'll relent you'll see.

Yours in showbiz, Chuffer

Englishman - according to whispers in the pub, not only does your wallet contain the old 'large' five pound notes, no one in the pub has seen your wallet for years.

Might be something to do with the fact I owe you eighty quid!

Many years ago when I had, ahem "bad habits" a friend presented me with a stainless steel straw in the shape of a hoover bit of a novelty and far more hygenic than a note.I also found my credit cards were dissolving around the edges.

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