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Tory Top Twelve

The Tories have named their heroes who should be worshipped at school and why:

Saint Columba, 521-597 (Christianity in Britain)
A Paddy who tried to civilise the Scots - an ongoing process

Alfred the Great, 849-899 (the Kingdom of England)
Local boy made good - sold out to the Europeans

Henry II, 1133-1189 (Common law)
A Good King - c. 1066 and all that

Simon de Montfort, 1208-1265 (Parliament)
Rebel

James IV of Scotland, 1443-1513 (the Kingdom of Scotland)
After agreeing a treaty of "perpetual peace" with England in 1502 he declared war on England. He led an army southward, only to be killed at the Battle of Flodden Field in Sept 1513. In other words a treaty breaking anti-English Sweaty, but he qualifies as being good because he is dead.

Thomas Gresham, 1519 -1579 (the stock market)
Inventor of red braces and Christmas bonuses for Dave and Ollie's chums.

Oliver Cromwell, 1599 -1658 (the British Army)
Regicide of St. Charles the Martyr

Isaac Newton, 1643-1727 (the Royal Society)
Very clever nutter. - But he came from Grantham so worthy of respect.

Robert Clive, 1725-1774 (the British Empire)
Outsourcing business guru.

Sir Robert Peel, 1778-1850 (the police)
The only Tory on the list - his principles of policing now sadly only of historic interest.

Millicent Fawcett, 1847-1929 (universal suffrage)
Token totty.

Nye Bevan, 1897-1960 (the National Health Service)
Slightly to the right of the nuTory Party.

A suitable quiz for this afternoon - who would you choose as the top twelve Britons that the kids should be taught about - or have the Tories got it right?

Comments

Lordy, what a piteous effort, still, what do you expect from the Boy.

1. Vercingetorix; resisted the Romans
2. Boudicca; Stuffed the Romans
3. Venerable Bede; history of England
4. Alfred; Stuffed the Vikings
5. Sir Francis Drake; Stuffed the Dons
6. Duke of Cumberland; Stuffed the Jocks
7. Nelson; Stuffed the Frogs
8. Victoria; Much general stuffing
9. 'Jackie' fisher; Battlecruisers
10.Churchill; Stuffed the Krauts
11.Mountbatten; Stuffed the Japs
12.Maggie; Stuffed the Argies

Stuffing is important, it's what History is about.

1. William Shakespeare (no one man more influenced any language)
2. Jane Austen (no-one wrote our language better)
3. Charles Dickens (human warmth, humour, saving Christmas)
4. Geoffrey Chaucer (perhaps the earliest evidence of the English sense of humour)
5. Oliver Cromwell (not for his regicide, but for asserting Parliament's power)
6. George Orwell (dead-eyed foresight)
7. Lord Coke ("a man's home is his castle")
8. Lord Denning (perhaps the greatest intellect England ever produced, as influential on the law as Shakespeare on the language - and the only one on the list I had the pleasure to meet)
9. W.O. Bentley (for his contributions at Bentley, Rolls-Royce, Lagonda and Aston Martin)
10. Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson (the greatest patriot)
11. William Wilberforce (a great humanitarian)
12. Margaret Hilda Thatcher (because she tried, and almost didn't fail, to save the nation the others shaped)

King Arthur: stuffed the Anglo-Saxons
King Canute: ditto
William the Conqueror: ditto
Robert the Bruce: stuffed the Sassenachs
King Henry VII:took over England, boyo.
King James VI & I: took over England, mon.
King William III: took over England, meynheer.
Marlborough: stuffed Continentals.
Nelson: ditto.
Wellington: ditto.
Churchill: ditto.
Thatcher: stuffed Socialists.

1. Alfred - Real men don't cook
2. Shakespeare - do I need explain
3. Adam Smith - Proof that Scots are not all socialists
4. Nelson - Killed Foreigners
5. Henry V - Two fingers to the French
6. William Wilberforce - To be English is to believe in Freedom
7. Elizabeth I - All round hero
8. Brunel - Proof that Engineers are cool
9. Newton - Showed that good things do come from idleness
10. Darwin - Helped us understand politicians better
11. Henry VIII - Founded the Navy
12. The Blessed Margaret - Saved us all

Boudicea
King Alfred
Henry V
General Wolfe
General Sir John Moore
Admiral Lord Nelson
Isaac Newton
The Victorian Engineers (Stephenson, Davy, Newcombe, et al)
Florence Nightingale
Field Marshal Slim

1. Vercingetorix; resisted the Romans
2. Boudicca; Stuffed the Romans
3. Venerable Bede; history of England
4. Alfred; Stuffed the Vikings
5. Sir Francis Drake; Stuffed the Dons
6. #Lady Jane Grey, poor lass#
7. Nelson; Stuffed the Frogs
8. Victoria; Much general stuffing
9. 'Jackie' fisher; Battlecruisers
10.Churchill; Stuffed the Krauts
11.Mountbatten; Stuffed the Japs
12.Maggie; Stuffed the Argies

Wonder where we could fit in Edward I, Hammer of the Scots and Henry the Whatever who gave England the basis of its judicial system?

Aside from the one exchange above and the caveats, this list is as good as any.

"...who would you choose as the top twelve Britons...

1. Vercingetorix; resisted the Romans"

Are you intending to redesignate France as "South Britain" perhaps?

James Higham,
Edward would fit in just after Alfred - good choice

Pete in Dunbar,
Well, if you're going to be picky....:)
Who am I thinking of then, that resisted Caeser in a hill fort until all the food was gone.
Oh, just to be pedantic, it was Gaul, not France (much later)and I believe much of the reason Ceaser invaded us was that we were continually sending aid to the Gallic tribes to resist Rome; we were related to most of them I believe.

Anne Boleyn
Isaac Newton
Winston Churchill
William Tyndale
Lord Nelson
Adam Smith
William Shakespeare
Edward Jenner
Ian Botham
Sir Francis Drake
Mark E Smith
William Wilberforce

George Washington
Thomas Jefferson
Patrick Henry
James Madison
George Mason
Benjamin Franklin
Alexander Hamilton
Thomas Paine
John Adams
John Hancock
Roger Sherman
John Jay
Yes, all these men were British subjects before the USA was founded, and risked all to defend their rights as Free born Englishmen under the Common Law. The British Crown would not accede, so the American republic was born, not by choice but perforce.
Honourary mention: Air Marshal Hugh Dowding who ruined his own career by defying Churchill in keeping Spitfire squadrons from being squandered in the fall of France, and masterminding the victory in the Battle of Britain.

"we were related to most of them I believe."

Depends who you think "we" were. If you are Welsh far enough back you can probably claim descent from the ancient Brits. But most of us are descended from the invaders so nobly defied on so many occasions: romans, normans, saxons, huguenots - not to mention the Scots.

I thought the tory list was pretty dodgy and had my own go here. The thing that struck me (for a tory list) was that the missed out industrialists and businessmen with the arguable exception of Gresham.

The Welsh don't descend from the Ancient Brits; they ate them. The Celtic tribes now occupying Wales unlawfully without so much as a UN resolution came from what is now Iberia (hence the curly-headed Dylan Thomasish South Walians) and what is now Denmark and Northern Germany (hence the tall good-looking sorts from North Wales).

Bloody thugs, the lot of them.

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