Have a go
This Government won't let you take action against criminals
Here it comes – the advice you've all been waiting for. A Home Office minister is going to tell you what to do about crime and anti-social behaviour. Watch your television screens tonight and you will be given the official word on how you – being the concerned, responsible citizen that you are – can take back control of your neighbourhood in the spirit of that rousing governmental slogan, "Don't moan, take action: it's your street too." Let me give you a preview of what you can hear this evening.
Panorama presenter Jeremy Vine asks Tony McNulty, the deeply underwhelming minister for police and security, what exactly the individual should do when faced with a nasty incident in the street. Should he "step in", in the spirit of that admonition to "take action", this being his street and all?
Mr McNulty replies in a tone that sounds rather less enthusiastic than his Government's slogan: "I think the general line must be to get in touch with the authorities and make sure that, if things are as bad as you paint, the police will be there as quickly as they can."...
What should you do – retreat and call the police? Mr McNulty responds rather confusingly: "I think you should in the first instance. It may well be [that] simply shouting at them, blowing your horn or whatever, deters them and they go away."...
You can "try some distractive [sic] activities". Such as? Mr Vine offers, presumably not without a hint of sarcasm, "jump up and down", and Mr McNulty replies in the best Blairite demotic style: "I would say you know sometimes that that may well work."
Pafuckingthetic - leave policing to the police, teaching to the teachers and politics to the politicians, stay at home behind locked doors watching dross on the telly! No wonder we are in the mess we are in.
As an aside - I note in the village that there is a notice up for the name of the vandal who ripped some wing mirrors off, with the promise of "suitable" punishment in store. Plod has been round asking a few questions as well, I bet I know which approach will work.