S.H.E.D - the S.P.E.C.T.R.E of our age.
An anonymous email arrives, obviously the agenda for some secret society. I believe it was found when they were tidying out Smith Square for the sale....
S.H.E.D BULLETIN
Happy New Year to all Sheddists. Must press on.
There has been a change. Nothing major but an emergency committee formed by me has changed the rules of S.H.E.D.
Due to Godknowswhat there has been only one S.H.E.D. meeting to date and I understand from one present that women were also there. A couple of slappers, apparently, but nonetheless outside of Association rules (unless the woman concerned has arrived dressed in a plastic mac and carrying a cucumber).
Anyway, all Sheddism is now to be done online, as there could be a book in this and also because I would quite enjoy e-mails other than those whom somebody has told that my cock needs extending.
Anyway, global warming. It is a bugger not least because it is interfering with the principal practice of S.H.E.D.; growing drugs.
At the snowdrops and quite probably the horse chestnuts are already out, what time of the newly-heated year do members think should be set aside for THE GREAT PLANT?
THE GREAT PLANT
After heeding the warnings of Member O, only 10 seeds were hatched last season and Member B killed 8 of them. Of the two which Mrs. B manages to resuscitate to the standing of a bush, one did a Danny La Rue at the point of budding and by the time that it was noticed to be shrieking "I'm a lady!" it was too late to unmask the roaring bender bastard.
Subsequently Member B only harvested two tobacco barrels, which is rubbish. So this year instead of 10 seeds, we shall be planting 40.
Due to the intended increase in cultivation, obviously the potential forest cannot be grown at The Shed On The Mount alone. Please complete the following survey. Return your survey to me we will get the results and comments up on so me form of website thing.
A: Do you intend to plant any seeds of your own this year?
B. If yes, how many are you prepared to rear?
C. Are you prepared to rear any seeds provided by another Member?
D. If so, how many?
E. Alternatively, are you prepared to join one of the 'commando units' , which will discover a good place in the wild where seeds can be planted and reared?
F. What else do you think we should grow?
G. Has anybody tried this salvia stuff that Member O proposed?
H. I've got a stack of it, dried. What do you do with it?
I. Is any Member interested in joining the Birch Sap Rape Committee, which will be raiding West Woods next weekend to drain the lifeblood of trees for an age-old elixir?
J. AOB
So who was that fresh faced Old Etonian whose membership card was also attached?