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If you go out in the town tonight

Just three Pcs on patrol at night in towns | Uk News | News | Telegraph

Despite record numbers of police officers overall, many commanders in local divisions in England and Wales - typically based in a station in small and medium towns - can call on just five or fewer uniformed officers per duty shift, the academic study shows.

Those who are available are often tied up in bureaucracy for up to half their eight- or 10-hour shifts. ...a simple arrest could tie them up for hours and that data for the Home Office was constantly demanded.

All very reassuring isn't it, civilians told to " jump up and down" if they see a crime and not get involved but wait for the police, the police stuck in the canteen filling out a diversity form and Charlie Chav running amok because if he is caught he won't really get punished..


That's why they're so dead keen that everyone get fit and slim, you could be jumping up and down for five hours or more.

Perhaps the Ministry for Stupid Ideas should issue an advisory that: if you start feeling pains in your chest while jumping up and down (assuming that they're not caused by a knife wound from the crim you're trying to distract), try and get another member of the public to take over while you put yourself in the recovery position. Personally, I strongly feel it should be made a criminal offence not to show public spiritedness and jump and down. Afterall, if enough people are willing to jump up and down, we could dispense with the police force.

Mind you, I'm sure someone from the Royal Society will tell us that all that jumping (well actually more the downing) will cause the land to subside and the sea levels to rise and the Hadley Centre for Climate Alarmism will model all the extra carbon dioxide emitted due to heavy breathing and tell us that we needn't bother protecting our homes because they're be blown away in the more frequent and powerful hurricanes.

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