Friday Afternoon Fun
Just back from the King's Arms where I heard this about one of the regulars...
Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he
often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He
gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed
wearing a long flowing white Robe.
"Who the hell are you?" demanded Dave, "and what are you doing in my
The mysterious man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter."
Dave was stunned "You mean I'm dead!?!! That can't be, I have so much to
live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . you've got to send me
back straight away."
St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We
can only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his
house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was
covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling
welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how
are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Dave, "but I have this strange feeling inside
like I'm about to explode."
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before?"
"Never!" replies Dave.
"Well just relax and let it happen"
So he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out
from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his
emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and
he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever
happened to him . . . Ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
"Dave, wake up you drunken bastard, you've shit the bed.