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Don't hurt out of hours

Now I'm bloody angry, I'm a patient man, it takes a lot to get me angry but this morning I have had it.

Last night my sprained back went into spasm so I spent half the night face down in the Axminster in agony. My child bride ministered pain relief and eventually I was able to crawl, literally crawl, back into bed.

This morning I decided I needed some muscle relaxant. My Doctors don't do a Saturday surgery so I thought lets go to my local Hospital:

Minor Injuries Service - Devizes Community Hospital

Treatment service for non life-threatening injuries including stitches for small cuts, limb sprains, minor head injuries, burns etc

Had to ring them up to find out when they open as they don't put that on the web. Went into an empty waiting room with two nurses drinking coffee. "Sorry we only deal with injuries, not illnesses"
"But I've injured my back"
"Here's a number to ring the "out of hours doctors", sorry it is all we can do. You could try taking Ibuprofen and paracetamol....."

No one answers the "out of hours" line so I go the supermarket to get more tablets - "Sorry you can only buy 16 of each".
Can't bloody park anywhere so drive for miles to the next supermarket to stock up on more. 16 will barely get me through a day. Mr and Mrs Stupid and their son Chavhead Stupid keep blocking the aisles as I try to hobble past them, their deciding whether to have lard or dripping flavoured crisps being too important for them to move out the bloody way.
Store manager at Morrisons has the brilliant idea of putting the back rub ointments on the bottom shelf, yes the one you have to bend double to get at if you are looking for something for your back!
Maybe I should ring the vets and say the dog has a bad back - I would get seen within the hour and proper medication prescribed.
So all I can do now is pop pills for the weekend and swear at the television.


Being a bit of an expert in this area due to all three of my family having had considerable back problems and surgery on their backs, GF recommends the use of frozen peas (not orally). Apply pack of frozen peas to the area for about 10 mins and it will reduce the muscle spasm.

Welcome to the out of hours club. Your weekends will never be the same again. They will be accompanied by that haunting dread of being taken ill. It’s now all part of being British.
Incidentally, the magic cure for muscle spasm is valium, but the medics are now a bit frightened of it. I was once screaming in agony with spasm after an operation, two valium tablets did the trick, where a morphine drip had failed.

the vet isnt a bad idea ,a s far as I am aware he can prescribe/administer something to help you , same with a dentist.

the vet isnt a bad idea ,a s far as I am aware he can prescribe/administer something to help you , same with a dentist.

the vet isnt a bad idea ,a s far as I am aware he can prescribe/administer something to help you , same with a dentist.

Bottom shelf ! screw that, what you need is 100 proof vodka,trust me......

And hope you get well soon.

I can attest to the efficacy of Valium. Oxycodone (e.g. Percodan) is also wonderful, but good luck getting that unless your leg is actually hanging off and spurting blood. Recently I've been using a combination of Diclofenac sodium and cyclobenzaprine. Here in Costa Rica both are available OTC at a cost for a day's regimen of about 50p. The only drawback with the cyclobenzaprine is that if you drink you are liable to pass out on the sofa and wake up at five in the morning with all the lights left on.

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