« BBC drops show no one would have watched. | Main | The Aral Sea , the media doesn't get it quite right.. »

Up against the wall in a seedy cul-de-sac

Guide to the Government - Times Online


Difficulty: Moderate - (even a nuLabour apparatchik should be able to grasp it)


  1. Engage your partner using foreplay. Stimulate their erogenous zones by kissing and caressing them. (If it is a fat bird you have just picked up, skip this)
  2. Disrobe yourself and your partner, (but obviously not if you are in Downing Street with the Press present) and you might want to look around for a wall to lean against.
  3. Position yourself either behind or in front of your partner depending on your preference. (If it is that fat bird mentioned above I recommend the "behind" position as it means you don't have to look at her.) There is some room for improvisation in standing sexual positions.
  4. Find a standing position that makes both partners comfortable. Enter your partner while both standing and engage in sex.

Overall Tips & Warnings

* Go with the flow in the standing sexual position. People’s heights and flexibilities differ so much that you often have to make it your own by tweaking the position until both partners are comfortable.
* You can use the standing sexual position for both vaginal and anal sex.
* Always practice safe sex regardless of what position you’ve chosen.

Overall Things You'll Need

* Wall to lean against
* Sexual partner (If you a politics geek this is the hardest bit, so make the most of any fat bird that stands still long enough.)



Douglas Alexander, 39, Secretary of State
Special advisers:
Gareth Thomas, 39, Parliamentary Secretary (trade policy, jointly with DBERR)
Baroness Vadera, 45, Parliamentary Secretary
Shahid Malik, 39, Parliamentary Secretary
Permanent Secretary Suma Chakrabarti "

Just out of curiosity: when did the Welsh become "international" in the UK?

Post a comment