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News in Brief - All you need to know about the UK today

Woman arrested with knife 'saved by sausage' - Telegraph

A woman who was accused of having a knife in public walked free from court because she works with sausages, lawyers said on Tuesday.
Jane Bellas, 29, from Penrith, Cumbria, avoided a miscarriage of justice after she was noticed handling some bangers, Carlisle Crown Court was told.

'British national day' plan angers Scotland - Telegraph

Proposals to make an English bank holiday a new 'UK national day' faced a huge backlash last night after it emerged Scotland would be excluded.

Calls for ban on 'polluting' patio heaters

People who feel cold when sat outside this summer were yesterday told by the Government to wear a jumper rather than switch on a patio heater.
Phil Woolas, the Climate Change minister, made the point as he announced that there had been a tenfold rise in the outdoor heaters at pubs and restaurants since the smoking ban came into force last year.
The minister said: “The official line to take is, when outside, wear a jumper.”


"The minister said: “The official line to take is, when outside, wear a jumper.”"

whew! Thank God for the government, it'd never occur to me to put on a sweater otherwise...

He is trying to tell me there is an official line on what to wear outside a pub?

What does he think we are? Fucking five?

My official line is to tell interfering politicians to sod off.

My official line on patio heaters is that they are bloody brilliant.

Patio heaters should be distributed free with UB40s, P45s, MoT certificates, dog licences, TV Licences and Tax Disks. as the earth is now cooling due to the fall in the Sun's radiated output, it is every Briton's duty to place as much CO2 into the atmosphere as cna be extracted from crude oil and gas. We might even have to resuscitate the WW2-German technology of blowing finely-powdered coal into burners, used I believe anyway in Chinese power stations.

You would think that in a small town like Penrith there would be someone in the local police who knew the market traders by sight so would have seen her using a knife - aren't there supposed to be neighbourhood bobbies and schemes like that now?

But of course Cumbria seem to have half their force sitting in Talivans so they never meet real members of the public.

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