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Fancy a Cruise?

Cruise ship opens fire to beat back Somali pirates - Telegraph

I have always thought a cruise must be akin to a living death, but suddenly I can see an attraction. Big game hunting is frowned on now but pirate hunting, now there's a sport. Outside territorial waters so rules free, I can think of a few readers to share the voyage with. I bagsy a .416 Rigby, others may go for something more modern, in fact your suggestions below would be most welcome.


Something more modern? Stick with the tried and trusted. An aptly-named murderer (see http://www.maryrose.org/ship/guns3.htm ) would do the job.

You'd probably get money off during the credit crunch as well, doubling the fun.

I would be quite happy to pack a Lee-Enfield, with a Colt .45 in the belt for close work.

My lady thinks she doesn't fancy cruising, but if she was able to take her long-mourned Mod 686 with her, perhaps she might relent.

That's the way to deal with them!

Notice two things:

(1) The guards were Israelis and

(2) Spot the weasel words of the Appeaser from the "East African Seafarers' Assistance Programme" - much assistance you'll get from them, basically his message is "roll over and give them what they want" - yeah, that's a fine way to stop it happening next time. "Danegeld" to you, Mr. Peace-in-our-time.

I vote for a quad-mounted .50cal. For perforating pirates, accept no substitutes. A 30mm twin Oerlikon AA gun would also make short work of Somalian brigands. When a mother ship is spotted, it can be dispatched with a nice dose of AGM-84 Harpoon or disintegrated with a Spearfish or Mk48 ADCAP torpedo. No arseing about with small-arms: these scumbags need to be eradicated.

Are there any cruises where you actually go out looking for these guys, instead of just visiting ports of call? Or maybe if that's not illegal now, it soon will be....

I suppose if you just want to bang away at something for the fun of it without actually damaging anything then a single-shot/semi-automatic weapon would do the job just fine. But we're talking about engaging a small fast moving target from a moving platform here.

If you really want to put some metal on the target then fully automatic is the only way to go. Give me a good old GPMG and I can guarantee you the survivors will be swimming home. Though I'd be partial to trying out a vintage WWII 20mm Oerlikon.

Given the ease with which some of these ships were taken it wouldn't surprise me if at least some of the crews were in on the deal.

The quad .50 has a nice WWII retro feel to it, but personally, if only for historical and aesthetic reasons, I'd go for two extremes in the historic spectrum - A nice, wide mouthed carronade loaded with all the sharp and rusty scrap one can find on board, mixed in with some rancid bilgewater and rotten food for maximum bacterial effect to repel boarders. For the longer range, moving traget, I'd select something in the Phalanx/Goalkeeper class - 1200 rounds per minute of radar-laid 20/30mm high explosive death. It also makes a noise like a pig farting. Very very loudly.

If we're talking "crew-served", then not much beats a Quad Four (.50 BMG), except maybe a GE Minigun, but both suffer from inflexibility because they'd have to be mounted somewhere. A decent personal weapon would be better, methinks.

So I think I'd prefer a Bren in .303 Enfield, thankee. (Thanks to my errr personal supply of .303, I wouldn't have to buy any more ammo for some time -- a year or two, possibly.)

None of that modern rubbish need apply.

This would actually be cool in a bloodyminded way! I have my great-grandfather's 1883 Remington dbl 12 ga with the hammers and a nice Webley .455 that has not been re-chambered for .45 caliber, so I reckon I'd have to make up a month's worth of re-loads at home before heading out.

Does anybody happen to know what USS Essex was carrying for cannon when the US decided to quit paying off the Moors and clean out Tripoli for good back in the day? A frigate 44, Christ, that'd be just tits!

Well a couple of our more enthusiastic politicians have floated the idea of issuing letters of Marque and Reprisal. If you got one of those for a cruise ship you could get your money up front from passengers who wanted to do some sea hunting. The cheapest fare would be for those who brought their own ammo and weapon. Higher fare would be for those who wanted access to mounted weapons. Group rates for teams on the larger crew served stuff. I suppose for the younger and even more rowdy set you could organize raids on pirate ports. Kill the men, rape the women, steal everything that you can carry, and then burn the place down.....if you could just get the younger crowd to do it in the right order and sequence.

There seems a lamentable lack of sportsmanship in many of the posts above. Where is the fun in seeing a missile launched and then, at best a small puff of smoke over the horizon? Missiles are also horribly expensive. I'd be inclines to go for a Barrett M85 for long-range, then (mainly because I like them) Lea-Enfield No 4 for alongside use with a Desert Eagle (any calibre) in case anyone got close-up. (Can't think of any real use for a desie, but what a lovely bit of design). Tally Ho!

"There seems a lamentable lack of sportsmanship in many of the posts above.......I'd be inclined to go for a Barrett M85 for long-range.."

I don't recognise your idea of sportsmanship, old chap. Our opposition are typically equipped with AK-47s? No more than 800yd - and they probably haven't practiced at more than 50. A Martini-Henry will cover those ranges, and has a suitable track record on that continent.

Then again, a Mauser broom-handle would be excellent for close quarter work. Our esteemed host can use his big-game stuff to stop the outboard motors and then we can all settle down to an enjoyable afternoon at about 400yd...

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