« Hostage takers reduce demands | Main | More Christmas Cheer »

Full of Christmas Cheer

Parents told that they must not allow their children to drink alcohol - Times Online

“Alcohol has a ruinous effect on the foundations of adult life,” Professor Sir Liam Donaldson said. “We see the tyranny of alcohol on our towns and city centres and too often childhood is robbed of its clear-eyed innocence and replaced with the befuddled futility that comes with the consumption of dirt-cheap alcohol.”
Setting out his final report, which is to be the backbone of a public health campaign next year led by the Department for Children, Schools and Families, he said that parents supported his proposals for an “alcohol-free” childhood.
The report, the most comprehensive review of scientific evidence to date, was based on an extensive public consultation.

Bollocks, it is based on extensive consultation of fake charities and campaign groups. Any time they ask real parents they get told to get their noses out of our lives.

Parents should avoid exposing them to “alcohol-fuelled environments” or family events where drinking was the central activity.

Does that mean I can ban Cousin Gwen from bringing her bawling brats over on Christmas Day?


"too often childhood is robbed of its clear-eyed innocence"

What like lessons for primary school children on homosexuality? What about spooking the under fives with sea level rise catastrophe?

How effing DARE an apparatchik of NuLab lecture us in preservation of childhood innocence. Never before has a government tried so hard to ruin childhood innocence with their social engineering policies. Beyond angry.

We are all well rid of this idiot. A knight of the realm to boot. FFS!

Is Donaldson a reformed alcoholic? He has the air of one who has 'seen the light' and wishes to deny other people their freedoms for their own good.

I thought I would share with you a little PC Christmas cheer:

The Rocking Song
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative. Please note: only persons who have been subject to a CRB check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.

Jingle Bells
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

While Shepherds Watched
While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around

The union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via CCTV cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts. Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeerhad a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,you would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher. We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from thecamels’ hooves.

Away in a Manger

No Crib for a bed - Social Services?

PS The above was sent to me by a Safety Adviser. So that is one myth out of the window anyway!

Once again, the learned men of science prove to be humourless gits.

Liam Donaldson - just f*** right off.

If there's one thing I really look forward to with the demise of NuLab, it's the end of this endless nannying.

It really is none of their business how much I drink, how I bring up my children, how warm I keep my house, what sort of lightbulbs I use, or any of the many many other things they try to meddle with.

None of their business. F*** off out of my life.

Is this a hard message to understand, do you think?

Post a comment