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How Boringly Middle Class Are You?


Dear, dear Iain thinks he is an Oik for failing this test, he likes to imagine it makes him all roughty toughty Sarfend style. I think it just means he is still a horny handed son of the soil.

Of course we don't go to the bloody opera/ballet, full of ghastly people in penguin suits they bought themselves.
Cleaner? They may be someone from the village who "comes in" - of course you wouldn't call this paragon "a cleaner". Hackett and Barbour - don't make me laugh, like turning up at a shoot with an over and under.
Horses? Sort of in that they tend to be around when meeting chums at the point to point or out slaughtering something.
No idea how much a bottle of wine costs, wine comes in cases.
Of course one wouldn't tell people which school one went to, people just know.
Shop? Someone buys stuff at a grocer but I'm not completely sure who or where.
Supper instead of dinner? What a stupid question, they are completely different meals, a good evening has both.
Kiss cheeks, sounds like what Peachy Fluff used to do at school - see above.
Aga - is that one of those Spanish shotguns? The kitchen has a range of indeterminate age and name.
Poncy bloody tea, do you want a thrashing? It just has to be hot, dark and sweet, talking of which;
Prosecco, I seem to remember losing my wallet and getting the clap from one of these when a few of us went ashore in some Italian port.
Hummus, ask the gardener.


I been to the opera (not in London) three times in thirty years. I have a twenty year old Barbour. I would like to go sailing but haven't been for ten years or more. I would never spend ten pounds on a bottle of wine unless you include Champagne (although I normally get sparking for under a tenner). The only people who know the school I went to are my fellow school mates. I will probably pop into Waitrose this am. Supper and dinner. I try and avoid the double kiss. Twinings afternoon is my favourite. I think my wife's sister drinks Prosecco. I love hummus but that is I ate it when I had family in Cyprus decades ago.

1. Hate ballet, don't mind the occasional opera, have had season tickets to the symphony in the past. But then I also saw Rod Stewart and Eric Clapton live... does that get me an "offset"?
2. A cleaner? You mean for clothes or for the house? Clothes: no, unless you consider the biennial visit to the local Korean place (to get the suit -- note the singular -- dry cleaned). House cleaners? Guilty, but then we have a large house and larger household. Cheap, at $70 a week.
3. I do have a Barbour jacket, but pretty much all my other clothes come from Marks & Sparks. Or Target.
4. Horses? Hate them. My sister was once a competitive show jumper, and that's as close as I've ever come to them. But then she's married to a lawyer, so that's all there is to be said about that.
5. Wine comes in cases, as our host points out. Unless there's a "$1/bottle" sale of plonk at the local off-licence...
6. The only reason I tell people where I went to school is because it shares a name with a university here in the Colonies, and I have to differentiate the two. All my serious friends know, anyway, because they went there too.
7. Supermarkets: 80% of our grocery budget is spent at Sam's Club (our Lidl equivalent); the rest is dribbled out among the local ethnic places around. When we're in Blighty, we do buy the occasional takeout meal from Waitrose, because it's across the road from where we usually stay.
8. I don't recall ever saying "supper" in the context of an evening meal.
9. I don't kiss people on any cheeks, unless I plan on seducing them. A quick, proper handshake is all that's required for men, and a single peck for the ladies. As for this new thing of hugging other men... [shudder]
10. An Aga, in Texas? (The Mrs. would like one, though, if we lived in Scotland.)
11. Tea is more of an "occasion" drink Over Here, so when we do, it's Fortnum's Royal Blend, I'm afraid. (Remember that iced tea is our regular beverage... I know, I know.) Our coffee, however, is always Dunkin' Donuts; none of that poncy "gourmet" nonsense.
12. I'll take a flying guess that Prosecco is some dago wine. Or else a hangover remedy.
13. Hummus -- yes, but only when The Mrs. serves up a Mediterranean-style meal -- and the hummus is generally flavored with hot peppers then, even.

On balance, if this test is any yardstick (and it isn't), I MAY be slightly less of an oik than Our Host... but only marginally so.

I scored nine out of thirteen which presumably means I'm aristocracy.

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