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Anything Once

A late lunchtime sandwich, what to have?
Oak-smoked peanut butter from some welsh hippies and some fresh homemade Damson jam were both on the counter.
At my advanced age I realised I had never tried our colonial friends' favourite of "Jelly" and Peanut Butter as a mixed filling.
As we say down here, a faintheart never fucked a little pig, so I tried it.
Remarkably good.
I think that only now leaves morris dancing not to be tried.


a faintheart never fucked a little pig

Nor a papa pig either.

No, No... not the Morris dancing !!!

Smoking is what one does to meats, not to peanut butter. Jesus wept, no wonder we tossed your tea into Boston harbour; you probably smoked that as well.

Do I have to come Over There and bring you the real stuff (JIF Creamy)? How many more times must we Americans come over and pull your Limey asses out of the fire?

[five thousand words deleted for brevity and foul language]

I may have to go to the range and fire off a couple of hundred rounds of .45, just to recover my equanimity...

You want real peanut butter? It pains me to say it, but the best peanut butter I ever had came from the Federal Government. They support peanut prices by buying up the surplus peanuts. They make peanut butter out of it, put it (or used to, anyway) into #10 cans and distribute it to the needy. We used to get it at Boy Scout camp. They'd open up the can, stick it in the middle of the table with a big jar of grape jelly, and anyone sick of the camp food could have as many peanut butter sandwiches as they wanted to. I wanted to.

The ingredient listing on the can was as follows: "Peanuts. Salt." That was it. No added sugar ("dextrose", for those of you who read the ingredients list for Jif or any of those). No added oil. No added anything else. You needed a big screwdriver to mix it up, as when you opened it there was an inch of peanut oil on top and solidified peanut mash on the bottom. But once it was mixed it was the best peanut butter I ever had. The closest you can get to it commmercially is the Smuckers' Natural Peanut Butter, which is what I have in my house.

As a kid, once in a while i'd get Crazy Richard's Peanut Butter.
100% peanuts, no salt. Very chunky, very good.

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