What length o' graith will ser'e a woman duly?
Doctors have calculated the length of a typical fellow's manhood - and found those north of the border are among the longest.
The doctors, writing in the British Journal of Urology International, took a range of measurements from 609 men and found that the average length, extended as far as would be comfortable, was 5.6 inches.
Other studies worldwide have found relatively smaller sizes and the Scots were second only to the French, who measure in at 6.5 inches. A previous study of men in England put them at just 5.1 inches. The measurements were bigger also than those from men in countries such as the US, Italy, Germany, Israel, Turkey, Korea, Iran, India and Greece.
Nine Inch Will Please a Lady
by Robert Burns
Come rede me, dame, come tell me, dame,
My dame, come tell me truly,
What length o' graith, when weel ca'd hame,
Will ser'e a woman duly?
The carlin clew her wanton tail,
Her wanton tail sae ready;
I learn't a sang in Annandale,
Nine inch will please a lady.
But for a countrie cunt like mine,
In sooth we're nae sae gentle;
We'll tak' twa thumb-bread to the nine,
And that's a sonsie pintle.
O leeze me on my Charlie lad!
I'll ne'er forget my Charlie!
Twa roarin' handfu' and a daud,
He nidg't it in fu' rarely.
But weary fa' the laithern doup,
And may it ne'er ken thrivin';
It's no the length that gars me loup,
But it's the double drivin'.
Come nidge me Tarn, come nodge me Tam,
Come nidge me o'er the nyvle;
Come louse and lug your batterin' ram,
And thrash him at my gyvel.