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May 31, 2004

A Book to order

Thanks to Doctor Curmudgeon & Co.

for pointing out this from Economist.com | The English countryside about Roger Scruton's new book -
It is a lovely read. Mr Scruton is an accomplished stylist and his vignettes of rural life are sparklingly written, affectionate without being cloying. He starts with the history of the land, shaped by centuries of cultivation; then he describes the people, with their quirks, talents, feuds and (sometimes) failings. Next come the animals, such as the beloved, disciplined working dogs, a world away from the useless pampered pets of city life. He rails against the bureaucratisation of livestock farming: lists, registers, rules and artificial standards, all of which waste time and money, and increase both human and animal suffering.

Posted by The Englishman at 9:45 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Bank Holiday Word of the Day

Petrichor - The smell of rain on dry ground.

It was named by two Australian researchers in an article in Nature in 1964, who discovered that the smell is an oily essence that comes from rocks or soil that are often (but not always) clay-based. The oil is a complicated set of at least fifty different compounds, rather like a perfume. It turned out that the oils are given off by vegetation during dry spells and are adsorbed on to the surface of rocks and soil particles, to be released into the air again by the next rains.

But that is not all - if you ask; "What causes the smell after rain?" - the smells people associate with rainstorms can be caused by a number of things. One of the more pleasant rain smells, the one we often notice in the woods, is actually caused by bacteria! Actinomycetes, a type of filamentous bacteria, grow in soil when conditions are damp and warm. When the soil dries out, the bacteria produces spores in the soil. The wetness and force of rainfall kick these tiny spores up into the air where the moisture after a rain acts as an aerosol (just like an aerosol air freshener). The moist air easily carries the spores to us so we breathe them in. These spores have a distinctive, earthy smell we often associate with rainfall. The bacteria is extremely common and can be found in areas all over the world, which accounts for the universality of this sweet "after-the-rain" smell. Since the bacteria thrives in moist soil but releases the spores once the soil dries out, the smell is most acute after a rain that follows a dry spell, although you'll notice it to some degree after most rainstorms.

The word comes from Greek petros, a stone, plus ichor, from the Greek word for the fluid that flows like blood in the veins of the gods. So the word means something like “essence of rock”

Posted by The Englishman at 6:47 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Go on - you know you want to.

Time for me to suggest you get off your arse and did domething exciting - or get your kids to do it. Come and try Marlborough Downs Mountain Boarding, I'm sure I can organise a discount for loyal readers!

Posted by The Englishman at 8:57 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

May 30, 2004

Ha ha ha - I'm still laughing..

BBC NEWS | England | Kent | Emin anger over public 'sniggers'

"I'm not saying they have to understand it, what I'm saying is don't laugh when it all burns down.

"It is just not fair and it's not funny and it's not polite and it's bad manners.

Posted by The Englishman at 7:55 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Out to dry

Mr Englishmans shirt has been washed to be put away
I dont want to be mistaken for a football supporter


Image taken on 30/5/2004 11:18

Posted by The Englishman at 11:36 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 29, 2004

Big Brother

Of course I have better things to do than watch Big Brother but as the staff will be talking about it here is a handy quick guide to the contestants I read online elsewhere...

As an exemplar I give you Kitten - "Kitten is a human and animal rights activist. She is a strict vegetarian and is angered by sexism, pornography, homophobia, racism and George Bush. She has two cats called Puddypuddyquadropodteddyteddyteapot and Kittykittyquadropodtabbytabbypeaches."

And of course she is Lesbian who lives in Brighton - I think this will be a "Blog for Kitten" when I get the graphic made.

But on with the fun - here are the rest of the runners and riders....

This year, the producers of Big Brother 5 have intentionally set out to
cause as much conflict as possible and make everyone's lives a living
hell, including, apparently, the viewer. Let's review those housemates and
their opening words in full.

Marco, 21 year old "law student":
"Whoo! I'm so gay! G-A-Y! Y-M-C-Gay! Whoo! Whoo-hoo! I love being gay! I
love being bald! I love everything! Whoo! Whoo-hoo!"

Ahmed, 44 year old "property investor":
"I'm an asylum seeker, I'm a refugee, I'm a muslim, I have no papers of
any kind. I don't like gays."

Jason, 30 year old "air steward":
"I've slept with over 250 people and yet amazingly I have been single for
the last five years. I look like I've just stepped off the beach of some
soap opera, but I don't know how my enormous muscles will cope without my
steroids. I'm not saying if I'm gay but I do moisturise my buttocks, and
I've turned up tonight wearing nothing but leopardskin underpants."

Daniel, 30 year old "hairdresser":
"I'm gay and bald too, but I hate gays like Marco. I'm so attractive that
straight men want to sleep with me, and so do all women. People can't
handle me because I'm so real."

Stuart, 20 year old "psychology student":
"I'm the smartest boy in the world! And despite looking like one of the
blokes from Supergrass, everyone loves me. You'll just have to wait to see
if I'm gay or not. I like Busted! Whoo!"

Victor, 23 year old "politics student":
"I am black. I'll argue with anyone. You can call me 'slick' or 'The
Milkman' because I always deliver."

Vanessa, 26 year old "business studies student":
"I am *so* blonde! I have boobs!"

Emma, 20 year old "legal administrator":
"I'm from Liverpoooool. I think a homosexual is someone who has sex at
home. My hero is Janet Street-Porter. I see no reason to wear a bra."

Kitten, 24 year old "political activist":
"I *am* a lesbian, I *am* a radical feminist... (fade out)"

Michelle, 23 year old "mortgage advisor":
"I'd luv to do glamma modellin', iss sexy, innit? (PS:I love sex & porn.)"

Shell, 22 year old "history of art student":
"I *am* Felicity Kendal. I *like* my accent."

Nadia, 27 year old "bank clerk":
"I *love* this country! I am virgin! I used to be man."

Full marks to Kitten, who turned up, flicked V-signs at everyone, refused
to enter the house unless she could talk to her obvious slave girlfriend,
then flicked some more V-signs at the photographers and the crowd for good
measure, virtually guaranteeing her immediate exit from the series.

Posted by The Englishman at 1:29 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 28, 2004

Dig it

Im out ot the office again today on this digger It is all buried now


Image taken on 28/5/2004 13:47

Posted by The Englishman at 12:49 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 26, 2004

Non German Jokes

According to the stats most visitors here are looking for German Jokes - I have run out so here are some non German Jokes...

Oldies, but........
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says "dam"
Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted.
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I
was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says
the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines
his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to
put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks
are too high.'
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He was pulled in by a strong currant.
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with
nuts & hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
Two fish are in a tank
One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"

Posted by The Englishman at 10:34 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Mobile phone on the forecourt

I just got the chain email letter:

Subject: FW: very important information

> Shell Oil Co. Announcement

> Importance: High


> The Shell Oil Company recently issued a warning after three incidents in

>which mobile phones (cell phones) ignited fumes during fuelling operations.

My reply...

With the greatest respect the email about the danger of phones is rubbish, absolute tosh, should be ignored etc.

The truth is that there is NO recorded incidence of mobile phones causing a fire at petrol station, though there is a chance that when one was dropped in Australia the metal casing caused a spark, which is nothing to do with it being a phone, a cigarette case would have been just as dangerous.

As ever with email warnings the excellent Snopes site provides a reference and a link to Shell's denial of the warning.

see: Urban Legends Reference Pages: Automobiles (Fuelish Pleasures)

What we have is the madness of the Moonbat's Precautionary principle, because it is impossible to prove there may never ever be a problem , BAN IT, what ever the cost to society.

And don't get me started on the mobile phone ban in Hospitals - they have never caused a problem - what started as a precautionary ban ( against all common sense ) has now become enshrined as hospitals force patients to pay through the nose for bedside phones and the hospital shares the revenue. It is a shakedown enforced by the feebleminded.


Posted by The Englishman at 10:29 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Good news for art lovers.

BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Arts | Fire decimates Saatchi collection

"an appalling tragedy for the history of contemporary art"

Nope, it sounds more like the final act in an elaborate .... which ....... has been pulling for a while.... traditional garment trade practices... buy wholesale,sell retail... over... valuation... stock... last year's fashion.... Benny.... matches... warehouse... fire... insurance... cash... happily ever after.

Posted by The Englishman at 10:37 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

May 25, 2004


A bit of a problem - I updated the blogging software to Movable Type Publishing Platform 3.0 and ticked all the boxes to allow comments without registration and without approval - I bvelieve in you lot having your say, but it doesn't seem to be working as it should. Therefore your comments sit around waiting for me to push the tit to OK them to be put up. So they will appear, and if anyone knows how to solve the problem please let me know, otherwise have patience!

And please keep commenting!

Posted by The Englishman at 4:08 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

May 24, 2004

Shooting the Conservative's Fox

Times Online - Newspaper Edition

IN A surprise move Tony Blair is to push through a ban on foxhunting in the autumn in an attempt to shore up support among restless Labour backbenchers.

The government will reintroduce a bill to ban hunting and will take it through the Commons either in July, before the Commons rises for the summer recess, or in the short session in September when it returns.

Not that surprising - while Tony doesn't believe in the ban it is a conveinient sop to throw to his backbenchers, the fluffy bunny brigade might chuck more money to the party and when the Tories oppose it they will appear to be the party of Bufton-Tufton rather than the modernising urban go-getters that Labour think they are.

A rural culture is being used as a petty political pawn - bastards.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:51 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

May 21, 2004

Wanted dead or alive

I was just attacked by this black bugger - vengance will be mine!


Image taken on 21/5/2004 19:04

Posted by The Englishman at 6:13 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack


BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Film | Britain axes nipple from EU film

A film advert encouraging people to vote in the European elections has been censored in Britain to eliminate a glimpse of a bare nipple.

Posted by The Englishman at 1:31 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Self Defence - don't try it at home.

Mr FREE MARKET brings the case of Brett Osborn to my attention - as he says remove breakable objects from reach before reading.

But don't worry the Rozzers suggest you can
plant a rose to protect your house.

(how long before someone sues for being pricked by a rose when breaking in - you are not allowed broken glass or spikes on your walls!)

Posted by The Englishman at 10:12 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 20, 2004


F a t h e r s 4 J u s t i c e have been getting it in the neck for their stunt of chucking purple flour at Tony in the Commons - I don't remember so much condemnation when lesbians absailed down into the chamber.. It seems to me to have been a classic stunt, no one got hurt, lots of publicity and if it showed up the security guys, good. It especially showed up the dimwits in the chamber.
On television watching those away from the action, mouths open, thinking " oh look someone is chucking unidentified powder at the Prime Minister - I think I will just stand and watch" - if it had been me I would have been out through the door and under the first tap I could find before Prescott could blink. And of course once everyone was theoretically contaminated the Sergeant at the door should not have allowed anyone out.

But the biggest news about f4j was 'Spiderman' cleared over protest where he proved to the court that the police closed down a large part of central London just so they could have an easier prosecution case. How many millions did that cost? And who is going to lose their job over that?
The Rozzers always believe their own interests are paramount - ask anyone stuck on a motorway whilst they take four hours to record an accident scene.

Posted by The Englishman at 8:22 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack


BBC NEWS | Politics | Alcohol the 'new British disease'

Tony Blair says alcohol abuse is fast becoming the "new British disease".

Yet again Tony shows his ignorance of the history and traditions of this country - when the Romans came over they complained that we all drank and fought, to excess. I'm not saying it is something that is good for us, but to call it a NEW problem is just bollocks...

Posted by The Englishman at 5:11 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

Advice please

Claudy asks; "Can you recommend any other books by Kipling you think a thirtysomething Australian living in NW England would enjoy?".

She has set herself the admirable limit of reading only pre 1899 books for a year - what a good idea - any suggestions of good reads?

Posted by The Englishman at 5:02 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Which Beer?

Kim wonders in a comment to my Jubilee post which beer I drink - well 25 years ago when I was young and foolish I drank Wadworth 6X ("4.3% ABV This delightful copper-coloured beer has a malty, fruity nose with a restrained hop character. The same characteristics emerge on the palate but with more intensity,leading to a lingering malty finish. The beer is full bodied and distinctive but with a high drinkability.") But now I'm older I need something a little weaker and not so sweet so it is Indian Pale Ale for me. ("3.6% ABV Our local bitter, extremely popular in Devizes and district and available throughout the Wadworth trading area - light, refreshing and sessionable.
An aroma of gentle malt with slight hoppiness combines with a good balance of flavours on palate, maltiness gradually dominating. There is a long-lasting after taste to match which eventually becomes biscuity.")

I hope that makes your mouth water....

Posted by The Englishman at 4:58 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 18, 2004


25 years ago today I walked down to the King's Arms for my first legal pint. Three pints, a packet of crisps and tuppence change from a pound. Today I went back for another pint as it is still my local. Bliss.

Posted by The Englishman at 11:43 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

McDonald's Victims

The Times lauds a new film:

"The summer's first break-out indie hit looks to be Super Size Me, a $300,000 documentary shot on video by Morgan Spurlock about his experiment of eating nothing but McDonald's fast food for a month. This "tongue-in-cheek and burger-in-hand"� film became the most talked-about movie at the Sundance film festival earlier this year.

The statistics it rolls out are sobering, even to anyone who has read Fast Food Nation. Two in five children and two in three adults now suffer from obesity in America. One in ten develops diabetes. People who develop the disease before the age of 17 lose on average 17-27 years of their life. Perhaps the most shocking sight is the serving of fast food in school canteens to waddling teenagers.

Spurlock’s own regimen offers graphic proof of the drawbacks of fast food. During his one month of McDonald’s, he piled on 25lb (11.3kg), developed headaches and depression, lost his sex drive and turned his liver into “pâté”.

Whereas the far more sensible Soso Whaley has also made a film about living on McDonalds food for a month.

She says she lost 13 pounds and never felt hungry.
- Whaley feels that some of Spurlock’s arguments are unfair. For instance, McDonalds is not trying to trick anyone with the caloric content of their menu, as nutritional information is readily available. Spurlock apparently also makes a case against McDonalds specifically targeting children. Whaley says that McDonalds is no different from any other place, and that it is hypocritical to say that McDonalds doing so is a bad thing. She says that the McDonalds Play Places give kids a chance for some exercise, and an opportunity to be social with other kids.
- From the press release, Whaley was surprised at the uproar over Spurlock’s film. “I can’t believe all the attention over Morgan Spurlock’s ‘Super Size Me’ film. All He did was eat like a pig to make his point.”

But I guess no one is going to listen to her - Big Nasty American Corporations are EVIL.....

Posted by The Englishman at 9:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Politicians, Flags and fighting men.

As a little treat today I reread The Flag of their Country - from Stalky & Co. - Rudyard Kipling

It must be a hundred years old but the story is of how a politician comes down to a school and lectures on patrotism....

And so he worked towards his peroration - which, by the way, he used later with overwhelming success at a meeting of electors - while they sat, flushed and uneasy, in sour disgust. After many many words, he reached for the cloth-wrapped stick and thrust one hand in his bosom. This - this was the concrete symbol of their land - worthy of all honour and reverence! Let no boy look on this flag who did not purpose to worthily add to its imperishable lustre. He shook it before them - a large calico Union Jack, staring in all three colours, and waited for the thunder of applause that should crown his effort.

They looked in silence. They had certainly seen the thing before - down at the coastguard station, or through a telescope, half-mast high when a brig went ashore on Braunton sands; above the roof of the Golf Club, and in Keyte's window, where a certain kind of striped sweetmeat bore it in paper on each box. But the College never displayed it; it was no part of the scheme of their lives; the Head had never alluded to it; their fathers had not declared it unto them. It was a matter shut up, sacred and apart. What, in the name of everything caddish, was he driving at, who waved that horror before their eves? Happy thought! Perhaps he was drunk.

Go and read the whole story...

Posted by The Englishman at 7:57 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Happy Birthday - sod the Copyright.

Exposing the Happy Birthday story || kuro5hin.org

Are the lyrics to Happy Birthday to You also public domain? There are many references to Happy Birthday on the Web. Most warn you of the copyright claim on it, and that the current owners rabidly defend it.

Money grabbing lawyers demanding money on the flimsiest's of cases (reads link) can sod off today - its my Birthday and I'm off to the playground singing:
Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to Lord Englishman,
Happy Birthday to me.

Posted by The Englishman at 12:27 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

May 17, 2004

Compare and contrast

Headline: - "Morgan expects £1.5m and a summer holiday"

Essam Jeradeh, the head gardener at the Commonwealth cemetery in Gaza, inspects damage to gravestones defaced with pictures of the alleged abuse of Iraqis. Photo: Suhaib Salem/Reuters

Posted by The Englishman at 9:04 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

The forecast today is..

'No poll on EU blueprint' - Hain

A referendum on a new European Union constitution has been ruled out by the cabinet minister heading the UK team debating the proposals.


The Guardian - 20 Feb 2002

A referendum on Britain's entry to the single currency could be held as early as next spring (2003), according to a timetable floated by the Europe minister, Peter Hain,

Mr Hain takes a robustly upbeat line on the single currency, ...arguing that "opinion is changing" in Britain.


Blair to stay put - Hain


Posted by The Englishman at 6:47 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 15, 2004

German for Beginners

197 Schimpfwörters for you to learn - Derb vulgär

Derb vulgär

Der Volksmund ist hart und gemein. Sind die Wörter "Affenarsch" bis "Zaunsoacha" zu hart für Dich, dann lass diese Kategorie sicherheitshalber aus.

German is a great language for these sort of words:
Atomblonde Trampelsau

Posted by The Englishman at 10:21 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

May 14, 2004

One for the Blogroll

The Commons

Welcome to The Commons

Named in honor of the concept of The Tragedy of The Commons, this blog is dedicated to showing how environmental quality is best defended by free markets and property rights. The authors are all experts in free market environmentalism and bring many different areas of expertise to this common space.

If comments are invited, please remember you are a guest on private property. We shall defend the environmental quality of this blog as staunchly as we would defend any stream, forest or animal we own.

That is my sort of language - good luck guys.

Posted by The Englishman at 8:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Getting Listed

The British Bloggers Directory - BritBlog

BRITBLOG is new (launched for beta testing on 13 May 2004) directory of the weblogs of British people from all over the world. You don't need to live within the British Isles to get listed: you just need to be British.

As well as being categorised by geographical location, blogs are also grouped by category. This means it should be easy to locate blogs that are of interest to you and that have a British source.

- Hey they invited me! and it looks good - I will add a button on my next redesign.

Posted by The Englishman at 8:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

An invite.

Mistaken Identity -- Stand

A public meeting on the Government's proposed National Identity Card

Wednesday May 19, 2004; 13:30 - 17:00 hrs

The Old Theatre, London School of Economics
Houghton Street, London WC2A 2AE

Organised by Privacy International, in association with Liberty, Statewatch, Stand.org.uk, The Register, The 1990 Trust and the Foundation for Information Policy Research. Hosted by the Department of Information Systems of the London School of Economics

The government has introduced draft legislation for a national identity card. The card system will cost at least £3 billion and is likely to become an essential part of life for everyone residing in the UK.

If the draft legislation is accepted by Parliament, everyone will be required to register for a card. Biometric scans of the face, fingers and eye will be taken. Personal details will be stored in a central database. A unique number will be issued that will become the basis for the matching of computer systems.

The proposed card may be required to access vital public services and to receive benefits. The government proposes to enforce the programme through numerous new criminal and civil offenses, including provision for unlimited financial penalty and up to ten years' imprisonment.

The implications for everyone in the UK are far-reaching.

Join us at this important meeting to hear from key figures in the fields of law, politics, security, technology and human rights. Decide for yourself whether this is a plan that should be supported.

The meeting is free of charge.
Draft programme (subject to change)

Welcome: Simon Davies, London School of Economics
Rt Hon David Blunkett, MP, Home Secretary (invited)
Rt Hon David Davies, MP, Shadow Home Secretary
Mark Oaten, MP, Lib Dem Home Affairs spokesman,
David Winnick, MP, Labour,
Simon Thomas, MP, Plaid Cymru,
Lord Phillips of Sudbury
Q&A with audience
Dr Iqbal Sacranie, Secretary General, Muslim Council of Britain
Karen Chouhan, Executive Director, The 1990 Trust
Shami Chakrabarti, Director, Liberty
Q&A with audience
Roger Smith, Director, JUSTICE
Paul Whitehouse, former Chief Constable, Sussex Police
Q&A with audience
Peter Williamson, President, Law Society
Prof Ross Anderson, Cambridge University
Jonathan Bamford, Asst Information Commissioner
Q&A with audience
Next steps

Details of the event programme will appear here soon. In the meantime please let us know if you would like to attend by emailing meeting@stand.org.uk

Media enquiries should be directed to simon@privacy.org

Posted by The Englishman at 8:42 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Put it your window

Steve asked me to display an English Democrats poster in my window - always happy to oblige - Download Poster, now all I have to do is find out who the English Democrats are and what they stand for...

Posted by The Englishman at 8:39 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

The aliens have landed

my garden now


Image taken on 14/5/2004 21:27

Posted by The Englishman at 8:33 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Moron Sacked - Hurray

BBC NEWS | Politics | Editor sacked over 'hoax' pictures

Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan is sacked following pressure over faked photos of soldiers abusing an Iraqi prisoner.

The Queen's Lancashire Regiment earlier told a press conference the Mirror had to apologise for running the pictures and endangering British troops.

Now the only thing that would make me happier would be for Piers to meet up with a couple of agrieved Squaddies behind a pub...

Posted by The Englishman at 7:09 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

And a big hello to our readers in Cheltenham!

Scotsman.com News - UK - Plans to use Army to beat fuel revolt

Intelligence services are watching 200 key people who took part in the protests....

But I didn't take part! I may have driven an old tractor around with a flourescent jacket on but I was just going into town to get a new exhaust... but next time who knows?

Posted by The Englishman at 1:43 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 12, 2004


My little girl came and disturbed me at work and asked very nicely if we could go to the pond. So I did a quick google and found out how to make a Paper Boat - and they worked. Great fun, until I tried to launch tow together for a race, got too close to the edge and slipped in. Wet and cold. Still everyone else thought it was funny.

Anyway, it is a good site for how to make a paper
boat, and it has a German Joke on the page as well! The main site has lots of German fun and games.

("German Jokes" is the commonest Google keyphrase to find this site - go figure!)

Posted by The Englishman at 5:04 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

If you are venturing north.

Huddersfield One - Scotland For Beginners


Gang awa', gang awa'
Shav' aff, git oot, gang awa'
(Trad Border Ballad)

Make no mistake about it, you'll never forget the welcome you receive when you cross into Scotland. The Scots are famous for it.

For as long as folk can remember, Scotland has been invaded by eager hordes each summer, keen to enjoy the scenery and sample the hospitality. When Edward I journeyed north with his caravan all those years ago, little can he have imagined what a precedent he was setting for future generations. The people of Scotland have been chucking out the welcome mats and laying on suitable reception parties for his successors ever since......

Posted by The Englishman at 10:07 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Let us pray..

Mr Free Market is worried about Clause 4.28 of the CRE Statutory Doobrie on Workplace Whatsits which will make it compulsory to :

Equal access will often mean finding ways of allowing workers to balance their personal commitments & obligations with their responsibilities & duties as workers. This applies both to obligations involving religious observance & to the obligations parents & carers have. Both may need time off work. The law now recognises, both workers & employers can benefit from greater flexibility over the working day & holiday arrangements, and it should not be difficult to reach an accommodation about these had other needs, such as observance of dress codes, and a quiet place to reflect & pray.

I think the answer is to sign up: Become an Ordained Minister of the Beer Church - and then demand a quiet room to perform my religous duties - say five times a day facing the Wadworth Brewery - it should be quite cheap to set out the room , a bar, footrail, sacred foods such as Pork Scratchings on display and of course Beer; or else we could pop next door to the local Beer Temple..

Posted by The Englishman at 10:03 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 11, 2004


Having ranted about the state of another Bristol hospital, it was with trepidation we went down to another Bristol Hospital -Frenchay yesterday. The clinic we went to is housed in an old TB hospital opened in 1921, which was then converted into an Emergency Hospital for American trrops in 1942. The outside of some of the wards is a bit scruffy, as you might expect after such a long history - and it is quite obvious that some of the wartime buildings were built quickly rather than carefully. But inside they were clean, tidy, efficient and friendly. Just goes to show it isn't the buildings but the staff that goes to make a good hospital. Anyway, I hope it is good all the way through as it looks like the Heir might have to have a replacement cranioplasty as the acrylic and titanium mesh patch he has might be breaking down and causing headaches - which is a bit worrying. It seems they are moving back to pure titanium plates again, (the technology for making them is fascinating - 3D scans and computer controlled milling) and maybe he will start setting off metal detectors at airports, which he thinks would be fun!

Posted by The Englishman at 9:07 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Abolish it - yes

IsItFair.co.uk - Campaigning for the reform of the current Council Tax system

The IsItFair campaign is NATIONWIDE, NON-PARTY POLITICAL and FOR EVERYONE (not only pensioners) who wants the existing system of Council Tax abolished.

If you have been outraged by the relentless, year on year, inflation-busting increases in Council Tax, then this is YOUR CAMPAIGN. Please support it in whatever way you can.

The average rise for 2003/2004 was 12.9 per cent and was a direct result of central Government action. It is set to continue. Government is using the council tax system as a stealth tax. Grants have been redistributed away from many areas. At the same time, Government has dictated that spending in these same areas is significantly increased. On average, the cost of council tax has increased by up to 70% since 1997. The forecasts for next year's rises are already being reported at 10%.

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May 8, 2004

Today's Recipe

Mrs Englishman was running a cake stall so last night I had to make a Wiltshire Lardy Cake to bake this morning.

5 lb White Bread Dough
1 Kg White Sugar
1 Kg mixed Dried Fruit
1 Kg Lard

Roll the dough into a 3x1 Rectangle, spread 1/3rd the Lard, sugar and fruit on 2/3rds the surface, fold in on itself so it is a square, rollout and repeat twice so you end up with a many layered cake. Bake for 45 minutes. Remove from pan whilst still warm and eat.

Good job the new fat tax hasn't been introduced yet!

Yum - I want to get closer

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Mr FM's Pater has been struck down with a hospital acquired infection - and it is not a trivial thing. A quick google gave me this:
Times Online - Health


The facts: England and Wales

Numbers affected annually 100,000
Chances of infectrion in hospital 1 in 10
Annual cost to NHS £1bn
MRSA cases 1992 114
MRSA cases 2003 5,561
% increase in MRSA 4,778%
MSSA cases 1992 4,373
MSSA cases 2003 7,886
% increase in MSSA 80%
Source: Dept of Health and Health Protection Agency

My casual observations are that the cause is simple and rife:
Three observations.
1) English Angel No 1 spent two month in NICU - premmie intensive care - all visitors had to wash hands and only immediate family were allowed in. On the day she was released I saw for the first time the porters emptying the bins, walked straight in from the previous ward, no wiping of hands etc. pouring the yellow sacks into one another, straight out into the next ward - no one could say a thing because they are union labour... we were going home that day so I wasn't going to get involved.
2:) A fiver says that the lifts at the Royal United Hospital in Bath will have soiled detritus, ie a used dressing, in them. Anytime you want to look. My theory is that the cleaners do their floor, but no one does the lifts. And it has been like that for the sixteen years I have been going there...
3) The floor of the waiting room in Charlotte Ward, RUH has the filthiest carpet of any establishment in Bath, including any pub you care to mention.
It isn't hard to get it right., McDonalds manage it, and they are only selling crappy burgers, but then they aren't part of the great NHS who are trying to save lives...

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Quote of the night

"The British Army is becoming increasingly customer focused, finding out who they are, where they are, and how they want to be killed today."

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May 6, 2004

I'm on my bike as Mr Tebbit suggested.

I apologise for the lack of postings recently - unfortunately I left full time employment at the end of April which means I am busy racing around.. A little venture I'm involved in now is just starting to sell stuff on Ebay - as the venture progresses I will keep you informed!

But in the mean time you might like to browse some fine old china and glass..eBay UK Shop - Simpleesell

Thanks, here is a nice example commemorating Edward VIIIth coronation - the coronation that never happened - was it the most romantic gesture ever or a dereliction of duty?


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Manmade Global Warming

Times Online tells me the proof is in..

While it is generally accepted that surface temperatures are increasing by an average of 0.17C (0.31F) per decade, satellites have been unable to detect a parallel trend in the troposphere...

The raw data for the troposphere, as measured by the instruments’ channel 2 setting, showed no pronounced warming trend.

Dr Fu realised, however, that about a fifth of the signal picked up on channel 2 in fact originated in the stratosphere — the higher level of the atmosphere between 10km and 50km above the Earth’s surface. This had skewed the data, as the stratosphere is known to be cooling rapidly. ...

The findings, details of which are published today in the journal Nature, provide one of the final pieces of proof that global warming is taking place, and that it is a human-induced phenomenon.

Sceptics have often argued that if temperatures are rising at all, this is down to natural variation in the climate as the world emerges from a "little Ice Age"�. The tropospheric trend, however, is precisely what scientists would expect to see if man-made emissions of greenhouse gases were causing it to heat up.

"I think this could convince not just scientists but the public as well," Dr Fu said.

Sorry Dr Fu, it is interesting and it may be the basis for more useful theorising but convincing proof it ain't. .. "Oh Mr Fu, what shall I do, I'm feeling kind of Limehouse Chinese Laundry Blues. continues with ukelele..

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May 5, 2004

Berkley Square Health Warning:

That certain night, the night we met
There was magic abroad in the air
There were angels dining at the ritz
And a nightingale sang in Berkley Square
How could he know we two were so in love,
The whole darn world seemed upside down.
The streets of town were paved with stars,
It was such a romantic affair.
And as we kissed and said goodnight,
A nightingale sang in Berkley Square.

"A nightingale next to your ear would cause severe damage to your ear for a prolonged length of time," Henrik Brumm, a behavioural biologist at the Free University in Berlin, said. "In Germany, you are obliged to wear ear protection with more than 85 decibels for more than one hour, so working next to a nightingale means you would have to have protection."

The Times

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May 2, 2004


Never again


Image taken on 2/5/2004 17:15

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STonehenge in the distance

2 miles To go


Image taken on 2/5/2004 16:29

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Redhorn Hill

Half way point ( well not quite) and a stop for lunch and we enter Salisbury Plain


Image taken on 2/5/2004 9:25

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HigH PoinT



Image taken on 2/5/2004 9:25

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Image taken on 2/5/2004 8:57

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On my way



Image taken on 2/5/2004 8:12

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May 1, 2004

Chavs is people as well.

The article on An Englishman's Castle: about Chavs still draws comments - here is a bit of today's one -

People are people and these "chavs" are no difrent from you or I. You may disagree with me but think about it.... deep down there people... i meen realy deep down.

So there you have it - as it continues:
I think people who judge people just by the way they look are discriminating because they havent givven the people a chance, or mayby there not giving themselves a chance to get to know worthwhile people. - Not saying all chavs are - but then againe not all "posh" people or "respectable" people as u might put it are decent people.

Posted by The Englishman at 9:21 PM | Comments (29) | TrackBack

Live on this Blog on Sunday

The Big Walk - I will try and post as I walk, keep tuned in and I will read comments as I go - I need all the encouragement I can get, as well as money!

The Weatherlooks good at the moment - lets hope it stays that way.

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