May 20, 2010
σαρκάζω, as I'm sure you would say it
Devised by computer scientists at The Hebrew University in Jerusalem, the algorithm has been programmed to recognise sarcasm in lengthy texts by analysing patterns of phrases and punctuation often used to indicate irony.
In addition to producing an algorithm with a remarkable success rate, the researchers also drew some intriguing conclusions about why people use sarcasm online.
"Intriguing?" Really? I'd love you to tell me more.
February 5, 2010
Exercise a waste of time
They claim it is only a waste of time for 20% of people, the sample in my research shows it is 100%
July 23, 2009
Crocs..the company's stock now hovers around $3 after a peak of $75.21. The CEO is toast. The company is looking at going bust.
100 million pairs sold at ten times the price that rip-off Johnny Chinaman can sell them for and they are reported to be running out of money? Cry me a river, will the beach at Polzeath ever be the same again?
October 8, 2008
Did I really cc the whole office?
Google takes aim at drunken messaging • The Register
Mail Goggles are presently available in the Labs tab on Gmail settings. Once activated, users can select the days and times when they're most likely to be recreating in a fashion unsuitable for CC'ing the entire office. Default settings are the tender hours between 10 PM and 4 AM on Fridays and Saturday.
Before an ill-conceived email is allowed to make its rounds, Mail Goggles offers the constitution a checkup by asking a series of math problems that must be solved in 60 seconds. Several levels of difficulty are available for drunken savants.
And hopefully it will soon be introduced for blogging software as well...
February 20, 2008
The good news is scientists have finally found the elusive G-spot. The bad news is only some women have them....
Dr Jannini accepted his study was too small to help determine what proportion of women has a G-spot, and is planning larger trials to answer that question....His initial findings would suggest a large proportion do not - a conclusion supported by previous questionnaire-based research which found 70 per cent of women do not orgasm during intercourse...
He added that there was no reason for women who suspect they do not have a G-spot to despair.
"They can still have a normal orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris. One clear finding is that each woman is different. That is one reason women are so interesting."
Typical Italian man! You make up your own jokes, I'll just sit here parting my eyebrows with my tongue and smiling!
January 12, 2008
She has emerged from deepest Wales to be hailed as the sound of 2008. And with prodigious natural talent and dollops of retro cool, it’s easy to see why
Her background is being airbrushed a little by a record company that probably don't see coming second in 2003 on 'Wawffactor', the Welsh version of X factor, as anything to shout about. Here she is singing in Welsh
MP3 Aimee Duffy - Cariad Dwinunig
September 22, 2007
Iain Dale's Top Bloggers List
A readers' pick of the British political blogs
Right of centre
Iain Dale's Diary (iaindale.blogspot.com)
Guido Fawkes (order-order.com)
Dizzy Thinks (dizzythinks.net)
Conservative Home (conservativehome.com)
Devil's Kitchen (devilskitchen.me.uk)
Norfolk Blogger (norfolkblogger.blogspot.com)
Liberal England (liberalengland.blogspot.com)
LibDem Voice (libdemvoice.org)
Stephen Tall (oxfordliberal.blogspot.com)
Source: Iain Dale's Guide to Political Blogging 2007
(URLs corrected - but until Fast Hosts get their act together at least two are unavailable.)
September 9, 2007
And now the bad news
Feckless, dirty, sozzled Britain –it’s all a myth - Times Online
You can come out from behind the sofa now. There is no longer any need to hide from drunks, murderers, or even the prospect of a stiff lecture about your carbon footprint. Because I bring unexpected good news: things are not quite as terrible in Britain as we have feared....
No figures have yet been compiled to assess which country has the most gloomy, pessimistic people, but the British would surely be up there in, say, the top one. We believe ourselves to be drunk, sexually feckless and careless of our carbon footprint.
Yet according to The Economist, none of this is true. Or rather, it might well be true but other countries are much drunker and more sexually feckless. ...
Let’s look on the bright side. We are much greener, more generous, more sober and more careful about sex than our reputation might suggest.
Now I am depressed; it is only the distant hope of being able to get drunk, engage in feckless sex (that seems an oxymoron somehow) and leave carbon skidmarks across the planet that keeps me going.....
July 28, 2007
Me, me, me
I'd like fellow bloggers and blog readers to send me their Top 20 UK Political Blogs by email. I'll then compile the Top 100 from those that you send in. Just order them from 1 to 20. Your top blog gets 20 points and your twentieth gets 1 point.
The deadline for submitting your Top 20 to me is August 15th. Please email me your list to iain AT iaindale DOT com and type Top 20 in the subject line....You don't have to send 20, but try to do 10 as a minimum.
If you have a blog, please feel free to encourage your own readers to take part.
Once all the entries are in a lucky dip draw will take place and the winner will be sent £100 worth of political DVDs!
May 28, 2007
Led Zeppelin, Abba, the Beach Boys, Crowded House, the Supremes, Guns N’Roses, David Bowie, Jimi Hendrix, Chuck Berry, R.E.M. They never got Grammys....Sting, on the other hand, has won six Grammys. This is because he writes ponderous, furrow-browed ballads about international politics, the destruction of the rainforest and his dead dad. Things which, within the context of listening to music during a normal day – driving, doing the washing up, dancing around a bit drunk – would be almost wholly useless.
March 30, 2007
A coded attack on Tim Ireland?
Sir, That the mania for blogging is running out of steam (report, March 25 ) should come as no surprise to anyone but a manic blogger.
And who is the "Manic" Blogger? Tim Ireland - pure coincidence of course him using the term, I'm sure.
For a couple of months last year I blogged and contributed to online discussion forums, but the pleasure soon palled. I quickly learnt that — far from being a widespread, popular activity — on any one site the same people return again and again, and you soon get to know their pre-conceptions and prejudices. Many bloggers are petty — not to say misanthropic — and respond to other blogs with personal attacks on the people who wrote them, questioning their truthfulness and imputing to them dislikeable motives. The tone of many blogs and forums is quite unpleasant....
No - nothing like Tim Ireland and his constant sniping at Guido Fawkes and Iain Dale for not following his Laws of Blogging.
November 5, 2005
Happy 5th November
400 years ago a man was imprisoned and tortured after trying to do an honourable act 11 years ago the present Mrs Englishman became so, and I forgot to buy a wedding anniversary card - whoops!
July 6, 2005
In the last couple of days I have had three contributions sent in which I haven't put up on the site. I really appreciate them being sent in, please continue. But I have just had some hassle from from putting up other contributions which didn't represent my views exactly, so I'm giving it a break for a week or so!
June 7, 2005
L'Ombre de l'Olivier - Di2.Nu weblog tags me to answer:
Number of Books I Own
As a an exercise in estimating for Maths homework we came up with a figure of 4000 books in the house, but a lot of those are thin children's books that belong to the Englishettes.
Last Book Bought
Wilt in Nowhere (2004) by Tom Sharpe for a journey - having read all his others it was an agreeable way to spend a few hours. However I have been given a large number of old books recently and also have a goodish choice from work, so book buying has been sparse recently.
Last book I tried to buy was Vienna Days By Kim du Toit but failed to sort my personal paypal account out!
Last Book Read
Lower than Vermin (1953), by Dornford Yates - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia says of it: "based on a phrase used by the Socialist politician Aneurin Bevan to describe members of the Conservative party, is an unfortunate hysterical rant in which Dornford Yates defends his anti-Semitic and highly class-conscious attitudes. As throw away fiction I quite enjoyed reading it in the bath, with a glass of Damson Gin and some real Cheddar Cheese.
Five Books That Mean a Lot to Me
The Bible, King James Version - I'm not a religious man but even I could be tempted back to church if they reverted to this version - beauty and resonance in every verse - I have tempted breaking the copyright law and added The Song of Songs to the extra section below - ain't it grand!
2 The Selfish Gene: by Richard Dawkins opened my eyes to the wonder of biology - I was lucky enough to be at Oxford in 1979 and be tutored by his uncle and be taught in the same building as he was working.
3)Just So Stories by Rudyard Kipling my father read them to me as I sat on his knee in front of the fire - I don't think I have ever been so happy.
4 The A G Street books - I think I will quote myself:
IN the 1940s, George Raymond Walden, a British farmer, aged 65, was shot and killed by British police officers who were supporting members of the War Agricultural Committee in dispossessing him of his lawful property at Itchen Stoke - Hampshire
...In 1952 A G Street wrote a novel "Shameful Harvest" based on this incident. This is the best study of how petty local bureaucrats for the best of reasons end up acting like the Gestapo and how sometimes the honourable thing to do is fight them.
A G Street, a Wiltshire Farmer, is an interesting writer:
In 1932 he published Farmer's Glory, which told the story of the changes that he had witnessed during a quarter of a century in farming. Street looked back to the `spacious days' of English agriculture, and lamented the passing of a world before the First World War where tenant farmers played golf and joined in tennis parties, and where there was a satisfying pleasure to be found in farming itself. By the 1930s, fortunes had changed; farming was becoming a `business', but an unprofitable one, and Street had been forced to abandon most of the methods his father had employed in running the farm. Street hesitated to refer to this lost world as the `good old days', but nonetheless he saw `farmer's glory' as a thing of the past.
With his farm losing money - he got on his trap and went to town selling milk, and then he discovered that he could write, and get paid for it! He published many articles and books and was also famous through the forties and fifties as a reliable Radio personality - Brains Trust etc. If you see one of his books in a second hand shop, buy it - you will enjoy it. Lots of lessons there.
5) I would like to add The Road to Serfdom or The sceptical Environmentalist and books of that ilk but they are not the books that formed my views; I had formed those from many sources related to them first. The same goes for The Origin of Species - again I came to the source late. On the basis of which books would I save in a fire it has to be the photo albums and diaries of the children (aahh!)
Five Bloggers to Tag
Come on surprise me - put your choices in the comments!.
1 The song of songs, which is Solomon's.
2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.
3 Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee.
4 Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee.
5 I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon.
6 Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother's children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept.
7 Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon: for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions?
8 If thou know not, O thou fairest among women, go thy way forth by the footsteps of the flock, and feed thy kids beside the shepherds' tents.
9 I have compared thee, O my love, to a company of horses in Pharaoh's chariots.
10 Thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, thy neck with chains of gold.
11 We will make thee borders of gold with studs of silver.
12 While the king sitteth at his table, my spikenard sendeth forth the smell thereof.
13 A bundle of myrrh is my well-beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts.
14 My beloved is unto me as a cluster of camphire in the vineyards of Engedi.
15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
16 Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green.
17 The beams of our house are cedar, and our rafters of fir.
1 I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys.
2 As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters.
3 As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
4 He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.
5 Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love.
6 His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.
7 I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.
8 The voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills.
9 My beloved is like a roe or a young hart: behold, he standeth behind our wall, he looketh forth at the windows, shewing himself through the lattice.
10 My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.
11 For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone;
12 The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;
13 The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.
14 O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely.
15 Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes.
16 My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.
17 Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, turn, my beloved, and be thou like a roe or a young hart upon the mountains of Bether.
1 By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.
2 I will rise now, and go about the city in the streets, and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.
3 The watchmen that go about the city found me: to whom I said, Saw ye him whom my soul loveth?
4 It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go, until I had brought him into my mother's house, and into the chamber of her that conceived me.
5 I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.
6 Who is this that cometh out of the wilderness like pillars of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and frankincense, with all powders of the merchant?
7 Behold his bed, which is Solomon's; threescore valiant men are about it, of the valiant of Israel.
8 They all hold swords, being expert in war: every man hath his sword upon his thigh because of fear in the night.
9 King Solomon made himself a chariot of the wood of Lebanon.
10 He made the pillars thereof of silver, the bottom thereof of gold, the covering of it of purple, the midst thereof being paved with love, for the daughters of Jerusalem.
11 Go forth, O ye daughters of Zion, and behold king Solomon with the crown wherewith his mother crowned him in the day of his espousals, and in the day of the gladness of his heart.
1 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead.
2 Thy teeth are like a flock of sheep that are even shorn, which came up from the washing; whereof every one bear twins, and none is barren among them.
3 Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy speech is comely: thy temples are like a piece of a pomegranate within thy locks.
4 Thy neck is like the tower of David builded for an armoury, whereon there hang a thousand bucklers, all shields of mighty men.
5 Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies.
6 Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, I will get me to the mountain of myrrh, and to the hill of frankincense.
7 Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.
8 Come with me from Lebanon, my spouse, with me from Lebanon: look from the top of Amana, from the top of Shenir and Hermon, from the lions' dens, from the mountains of the leopards.
9 Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck.
10 How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! how much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than all spices!
11 Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon.
12 A garden inclosed is my sister, my spouse; a spring shut up, a fountain sealed.
13 Thy plants are an orchard of pomegranates, with pleasant fruits; camphire, with spikenard,
14 Spikenard and saffron; calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense; myrrh and aloes, with all the chief spices:
15 A fountain of gardens, a well of living waters, and streams from Lebanon.
16 Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.
1 I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved.
2 I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is filled with dew, and my locks with the drops of the night.
3 I have put off my coat; how shall I put it on? I have washed my feet; how shall I defile them?
4 My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.
5 I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock.
6 I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone: my soul failed when he spake: I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer.
7 The watchmen that went about the city found me, they smote me, they wounded me; the keepers of the walls took away my veil from me.
8 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if ye find my beloved, that ye tell him, that I am sick of love.
9 What is thy beloved more than another beloved, O thou fairest among women? what is thy beloved more than another beloved, that thou dost so charge us?
10 My beloved is white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand.
11 His head is as the most fine gold, his locks are bushy, and black as a raven.
12 His eyes are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk, and fitly set.
13 His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers: his lips like lilies, dropping sweet smelling myrrh.
14 His hands are as gold rings set with the beryl: his belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires.
15 His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold: his countenance is as Lebanon, excellent as the cedars.
16 His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.
1 Whither is thy beloved gone, O thou fairest among women? whither is thy beloved turned aside? that we may seek him with thee.
2 My beloved is gone down into his garden, to the beds of spices, to feed in the gardens, and to gather lilies.
3 I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.
4 Thou art beautiful, O my love, as Tirzah, comely as Jerusalem, terrible as an army with banners.
5 Turn away thine eyes from me, for they have overcome me: thy hair is as a flock of goats that appear from Gilead.
6 Thy teeth are as a flock of sheep which go up from the washing, whereof every one beareth twins, and there is not one barren among them.
7 As a piece of a pomegranate are thy temples within thy locks.
8 There are threescore queens, and fourscore concubines, and virgins without number.
9 My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her.
10 Who is she that looketh forth as the morning, fair as the moon, clear as the sun, and terrible as an army with banners?
11 I went down into the garden of nuts to see the fruits of the valley, and to see whether the vine flourished and the pomegranates budded.
12 Or ever I was aware, my soul made me like the chariots of Amminadib.
13 Return, return, O Shulamite; return, return, that we may look upon thee. What will ye see in the Shulamite? As it were the company of two armies.
1 How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince's daughter! the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman.
2 Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an heap of wheat set about with lilies.
3 Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins.
4 Thy neck is as a tower of ivory; thine eyes like the fishpools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bathrabbim: thy nose is as the tower of Lebanon which looketh toward Damascus.
5 Thine head upon thee is like Carmel, and the hair of thine head like purple; the king is held in the galleries.
6 How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!
7 This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes.
8 I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples;
9 And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak.
10 I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me.
11 Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field; let us lodge in the villages.
12 Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranates bud forth: there will I give thee my loves.
13 The mandrakes give a smell, and at our gates are all manner of pleasant fruits, new and old, which I have laid up for thee, O my beloved.
1 O that thou wert as my brother, that sucked the breasts of my mother! when I should find thee without, I would kiss thee; yea, I should not be despised.
2 I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother's house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate.
3 His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.
4 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, until he please.
5 Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved? I raised thee up under the apple tree: there thy mother brought thee forth: there she brought thee forth that bare thee.
6 Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.
7 Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.
8 We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts: what shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for?
9 If she be a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver: and if she be a door, we will inclose her with boards of cedar.
10 I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour.
11 Solomon had a vineyard at Baalhamon; he let out the vineyard unto keepers; every one for the fruit thereof was to bring a thousand pieces of silver.
12 My vineyard, which is mine, is before me: thou, O Solomon, must have a thousand, and those that keep the fruit thereof two hundred.
13 Thou that dwellest in the gardens, the companions hearken to thy voice: cause me to hear it.
14 Make haste, my beloved, and be thou like to a roe or to a young hart upon the mountains of spices.
May 18, 2005
18th May - same as last year
May 5, 2005
Having sold my vote to the highest bidder I popped into the Pub for a quick refresher - ran into The Good Colonel - how any pints later I managed to get home, so for those in similar peril (I daren't go upstairs) here is a warning.
Yes, the bolster is drawn across the bed, with barbed wire entanglements and snipe holes arranged. The only way to avoid enemy hostilities and the odd Toffee Apple coming over will be to stride boldly in and slap the Present Mrs E on the rump and say "Guess who is horny?". Normally this results in a silence to pass all silences, but tonight I'm afraid I might be taken up on the offer....
Wish me luck as I go over the top....