An Englishman's Castle: The Englishman Archives

August 5, 2011

Friday Night is Music Night (No Money Blues Edition)

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September 18, 2010

At last a use for Twitter

Winston S. Churchill (Churchill_Quote) on Twitter
@Churchill_Quote
Some of his greatest quotes, tweeted every day.

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May 21, 2010

Friday Night is Music Night (Cold Steel Edition)

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April 30, 2010

Friday Night is Music Night (Holiday Weekend Edition)

Or in black and white if you prefer:

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January 15, 2010

Friday Night is Music Night (Can Austrians Sing The Blues Edition)

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October 30, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Seasonal Evil Edition)

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I fought the Law and the Law won

An Update to my threatened Coombe Bissett Speeding case.
I refused to take the penalty and held out for a hearing in front of the Magistrates.

Today I have received the following;

...the speed limit on the A354 at Coombe Bissett is enforceable for traffic travelling along that route and entering the 30 mph where terminal signs are erected.

The situation is certainly different for traffic joining the A354 via the by-way in question. Wiltshire Council have confirmed that they intend to erect signs at both ends of the by-way in the near future but I am also advised that the absence of such signs does not necessarily provide a defence if you entered the 30 mph limit at that point. It would be for a court of law to decide if the repeater signage was adequate and provided sufficient information to drivers. Nonetheless, I accept that there is an element of doubt and that the usual CPS tests would apply if a court prosecution was under consideration.

In the circumstances, based on your assertion that you joined the A354 from the by-way, I can confirm that on this occasion the Notice of Intended Prosecution will be cancelled and there will be no further
action in respect of this matter.

I think a little celebratory drink will be in order this evening..

Posted by The Englishman at 2:34 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

October 27, 2009

A Day on the Downs

For thousands of years men have hunted across the Marlborough Downs, some traditions continue. This valley is a short walk from Avebury and is a natural funnel to drive game into from the top of the downs. How many times has this scene been played out before, and how many times will it be allowed to be in the future?

*
One for Lord Stern
Not sure I'm loaded properly for this...

*
Learning to count

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October 25, 2009

National Trust Innit?

National Trust rebranded by Olympics firm - Telegraph

In an effort to keep up with the internet age, the defender of Britain's historic legacy is dropping its prefix of "The", switching to lower case letters and jazzing up its brand with brighter colours.
The make-over, which is thought to have cost the organisation hundreds of thousands of pounds, was designed by the same agency that invented the controversial logo for the London 2012 Olympics.
The "tone" of the organisation is also having a makeover in an effort to encourage more young people, ethnic minorities and urbanites to visit historic homes and gardens.
Barney Rogers, a partner at Bureaux Design predicted the organisation could end up dropping "National Trust" altogether and just going by the oak leaf symbol.
"In this day and age people respond better to an image rather than words," he added.

O tempora, o mores! Even the Stately Homes of England are no longer to be sanctuaries.

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Remember Fall Forward - your life may depend on it!

BREAKFALLS
Before progressing into takedowns and throws, soldiers must learn how to fall to the ground without getting hurt, both during training and during combat. Each practice repetition of a throw or takedown is a chance for the training partner to perfect his breakfalls....

And if you are older...

Etiopathology of hip fractures

Etiopathology of hip fractures (Kanis & McCloskey 1996....: the orientation of the fall causes the person to fall straight on his/her hip, the protective flexes fail, the local soft tissues do not absorb the energy, and bone strength is reduced. They also recognized the difference between simple falls by elderly persons and younger persons: the former usually fall laterally on their hip, while the latter fall forward, usually on their hands.

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You are what you eat

Morrissey walked off stage during his set at the Coachella festival in California on Friday April 2009 after declaring he could "smell burning flesh".
According to festival goers who reported his comments on internet forums, the committed vegetarian added: "And I hope to God it's human."

Morrissey collapses during show
Eyewitnesses said the 50-year-old fell to the floor during a performance of his former band's song This Charming Man at Oasis Leisure Centre in Swindon. October 2009.
The singer has cancelled several dates this year because of illness.
A Great Western Ambulance Service spokeswoman said: "Just after 9pm we got a call to a 50-year-old who was reported to be suffering from respiratory problems and was unconscious.
"We sent a paramedic in a double-crewed ambulance.
"When they arrived they found a conscious patient who was not feeling well at all.
"They made an initial assessment and took him to the Great Western Hospital for further assessment."

I can understand being in Swindon making anyone feel a bit nauseous but rather than take up one of our local hospital beds they should have whisked him round to Sammy's Kebab & Steak House and got some decent grub into him. That would have set him up.

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October 23, 2009

The Real Top Ten Politics Blogs

Iain Dale and his readers produced The Top 100 Political Blogs

Position and last year:

1 1 Guido Fawkes Subscribers:639
2 2 Iain Dale Subscribers:404
3 7 Spectator Coffee House Subscribers:621
4 3 Conservative Home Subscribers:791
5 5 Political Betting Subscribers:1,113
6 4 Dizzy Thinks Subscribers:955
7 - Paul Waugh Subscribers:143
8 13 Tom Harris MP Subscribers:228
9 6 Devil's Kitchen Subscribers:105
10 18 Daniel Hannan MEP Subscribers:420

I have added subscriber numbers from Google Reader - other RSS readers and ways of reading blogs are available - but it shows that there is a free market way of ranking blogs, not depending on votes, and also how few people actually are interested in the Westminster village.

Reordered it becomes:
1 Political Betting Subscribers:1,113
2 Dizzy Thinks Subscribers:955
3 Conservative Home Subscribers:791
4 Guido Fawkes Subscribers:639
5 Spectator Coffee House Subscribers:621
6 Daniel Hannan MEP Subscribers:420
7 Iain Dale Subscribers:404
8 Tom Harris MP Subscribers:228
9 Paul Waugh Subscribers:143
10 Devil's Kitchen Subscribers:105

It would be interesting to expand the sample as I know other UK political blogs have more subscribers , surely Google must have a way of doing so.

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Friday Night is Music Night (23rd October Edition)

Royal Wiltshire Yeomanry
El Alamein - Lightfoot
For more details on the wider battle, see Second Battle of El Alamein.
The opening of the battle saw four divisions (9th Australian, 51st Highland, 2nd New Zealand and 1st South African) in the assault on the north of the Axis positions. RWY was in support of 5th New Zealand Brigade (Brigadier Howard Kippenberger) and the aim was for infantry to secure the Miteiriya Ridge during darkness, with the armour to pass beyond them at first light to establish a screen. By now the regiment was equipped with a mix of M4 Sherman, Crusader and Grant (M3 Lee) tanks. On the morning of 24 October 1942, A and C squadrons were ahead of the infantry on the western slopes of the ridge. B squadron had been delayed in the Devil's gardens minefields and had lost numerous tanks. Throughout that day, A and C squadrons engaged German panzers on the plain below, and were in turn hit by anti-tank fire. Initially, the heavier Sherman tanks were not vulnerable to this, but when the German 88mm anti-tank guns joined in they took severe casualties. By midday, the two squadrons were reduced to one Sherman and three Grants and the commanding officer had been badly wounded and evacuated. The 10th Armoured Division was at this stage supposed to pass through and onwards to start the breakout, but seemed to be reluctant to do so.
At 6 p.m. the regiment was ordered to withdraw. It had lost almost all of its tanks and taken 42 casualties killed or wounded. In reserve, the regiment was issued with new tanks, a hasty mix of Shermans, Grants, and Crusaders (types II and III), mostly salvaged from the battlefield and rapidly repaired. Montgomery had been impressed with the performance of 2nd New Zealand Division and wanted them to spearhead the next thrust, but Freyberg was unwilling to do so without reinforcements as his troops had suffered so many casualties. Monty therefore placed 151 and 152 Infantry Brigades under Freyberg's command for the next phase of the battle.

El Alamein - Supercharge
On the night of 1/2 November 1942, the 8th Army attacked again in the north, with 2nd New Zealand Division in the lead. General Freyberg placed 151 Brigade on the right and 152 Brigade on the left. The aim was to attack directly westwards across the Rahman track, with the infantry leading the night assault and 9th Armoured Brigade (now commanded by Brigadier John Currie) again passing through to break the enemy gun line and allow X Corps to break out. The assault went to plan except that opposition on the left was heavier than expected which slowed the advance. As a result the advancing tanks were highlighted against the dawn sky in the east and began to be picked off by Axis anti-tank fire. The Regiment was in the centre of 9th Armoured Brigade, and the CO lost touch with both his artillery support and close anti-tank support. In the growing light, the B squadron commander (Major M.StJ.V.Gibbs) realised that he was in a ring of enemy anti-tank guns, ahead and to both flanks. He gave the order to 'Charge' and B squadron over-ran the anti-tank positions, losing some vehicles but destroying the enemy gun line.
Meanwhile 21st Panzer Division was counter-attacking A and C squadrons and at 4pm the Regiment (now down to four tanks) was withdrawn. 1st Armoured Division from X Corps were just behind 9th Armoured Brigade but there were no liaison officers between the units and 1st Armoured did not take the opportunity to push on through the broken Axis gun-line.

Dispositions at the end of Operation Supercharge

After the 9th Armoured Brigade's action, Brigadier Gentry of the 6th New Zealand Brigade went ahead to survey the scene. On seeing Brigadier Currie asleep on a stretcher, he approached him saying, 'Sorry to wake you John, but I'd like to know where your tanks are?' Currie waved his hand at a group of tanks around him, replying 'There they are.' Gentry was puzzled. 'I don't mean your headquarters tanks, I mean your armoured regiments. Where are they?' Currie waved his arm and again replied, 'There are my armoured regiments, Bill.’

In an account of the battle published to mark its 25th anniversary, Montgomery wrote:
I must mention the magnificent fight put up by 9th Armoured Brigade - 3rd Hussars, Wiltshire Yeomanry, Warwickshire Yeomanry.... If the British armour owed any debt to the infantry of 8th army, the debt was paid on November 2nd by 9th Armoured Brigade in heroism and blood....

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October 22, 2009

Mandy's Postal Strike

The 1970s revival continues, I'm hoarding tins of soup and looking out a pair of flares...

(Unhappily there is no sign of a Maggie waiting in the wings to take over...)

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October 16, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (The First Time Edition)

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Fox Hunting

Fantastic Mister Fox is the most poisonous and insidious piece of misanthropic, animal rights propaganda PETA never wrote. Its politics more closely resemble that of a rabidly townie, leftist vegetarian who believes that property is theft, meat production a vile perversion and pest control a form of racist genocide, than of some lovably eccentric children’s author.
And, as per ruddy usual, all the baddies have been given English accents while the goodies speak with American ones. I wonder whether I can coax the kids into not wanting see this one and coming with me to see that apparently brilliant new war movie about bomb disposal teams in Iraq instead…
Then again, incredibly annoying though I now find Roald Dahl’s deeply dubious animal rights politics – which surface again in The Twits, by the way – I can’t honestly claim they’ll do the world’s impressionable youth any harm....Never put me off foxhunting, though, did it?
James Delingpole

I believe my half term treat will be to be allowed to take the Englishettes to watch the film, deep joy!

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October 14, 2009

Slash History

Sir Tim Berners-Lee, who wrote the code that transformed a private computer network into the web two decades ago, has finally come clean about the about the infuriating // that internet surfers have cursed so frequently. What is the point of the two forward slashes that sit directly infront of the “www” in every internet website address?
The answer, according to the British scientist who created the world wide web, is that there isn’t one.

Now browsers automatically put them and the http in we tend to forget them but in the early days of t'internet they were important. I had an internet company called http://www Ltd which we sold back in 1996.
The problem with the slash was no one could agree the name and then some geeky guy would start calling it a Solidus and another even geekier guy would respond...
The names solidus and shilling mark have the same background. In the Commonwealth of Nations, before decimalisation, currency sums in pounds, shillings, and pence were abbreviated using the '£' symbol, the 's.' symbol, and the 'd.' symbol (collectively £sd) referring to the libra, the solidus, and the denarius. The 's.' was at one stage written using a long s, ∫ that was further abbreviated to the ⁄ symbol, and suppression of the 'd.'; thus '2 pounds, 10 shillings, and 6 pence', often written as £2 ⁄ 10 ⁄ 6 (as an alternative to '£2 10s. 6d.'), and '6 shillings' would often be written as 6 ⁄ -. This usage caused the names solidus (given the abbreviation's historical root) and shilling mark to be used as names for this character.
The solidus is used in the display of ratios and fractions as in constructing a fraction using superscript and subscript as in 123 ⁄ 456 , or on the same level as in 23 ⁄ 50.
The solidus is similar to another punctuation mark, the slash, which is found on standard keyboards; the slash is closer to being vertical than the solidus. These are two distinct symbols that have entirely different uses. However, many people do not distinguish between them, and when there is no alternative it is acceptable to use the slash in place of the solidus.
Typographers should note that both the ISO and Unicode designate the solidus as FRACTION SLASH U+2044 and the slash as SOLIDUS U+002F. This contradicts long-established English typesetting terminology.

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October 13, 2009

Peril in the Valleys

Flock of sheep bursts into flames after gas leak in Jordan - Telegraph

I think I've got that video, bought it at a carboot sale near one of Jacqui Smith's residences, they should have used more lubricant.

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A Trafigura Scandal

Guardian Gagged from Reporting Parliament - Guy Fawkes' blog reports on an extraordinary turn of events, so extraordinary that Iain and others ask bloggers to highlight it.

I have kept away from Trafigua stories because many years ago I used to know a couple of the founders, and only last year enjoyed a drink with one. So my opinion is biased.
I had found a friend a job with them and was angling to give up my life of being drunk on the farm and joining the trading community. I even got to know one of their PAs well enough to give her a kitten, my intentions weren't just work orientated... And then one of the bastards shagged her on the board room table.
I dusted my hands of them and returned to a happy life of being drunk on the farm. Now this opprobrium has crashed around their billionaire lifestyles with model wives in gorgeous homes around the world I bet they are sorry...
I know I am.

(They are watching us....Blog post 6:28 am - read via a Google alert for Trafigura at 6:36 am, stiff letter to follow at?)

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October 12, 2009

Tonight I have mainly been boning my leather

Traditional deer bones are available here if you don't have a dead deer handy, though the bone I use is a home grown pig bone.

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October 10, 2009

Very Late Friday Night is Music Night (Birthday Girl Request Edition)

Don't ask, just enjoy...

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October 9, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (All the Mod Cons Edition)

From the album All The Mod Cons - H/t to commentator Jim for the tip.

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4 out of 5 Guardian Readers would repeal the Hunting Ban

Would you support the repeal of the law banning hunting?
78.6% Yes
21.4% No

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October 7, 2009

Coombe Bissett Speeding

An update on the Coombe Bissett speeding case I am facing. I still have a few days to roll over and pay the fine or I can go to court.
I think the email trail below shows my thinking and may be of interest to others.

(Just in case let me make clear I'm not a lawyer and you shouldn't rely on my opinions, especially if you get caught in Coombe Bissett and want to claim you drove in via the Old Blandford Road...)

To Nick Blencowe (Acting Inspector in charge of Wiltshire Speed Cameras)

Please could you confirm to me the speed limit in force on The Old Blandford Road in Coombe Bissett - Map reference SU098238 to SU108264 When it leaves the A354 at the southern end it is a Byway Open to All Traffic without illumination or any signage so I believe it is 60mph (for cars, other vehicles as usual) As it approaches the village it transforms into a tarmac road, still without illumination or any signage.
On inspecting it today I was unable to spot any Terminator signs for the 30 limit that is in the village. Please also confirm that this entrance to the village either has no signage or where they are.

Thank you

(Nick kindly inspected the road and replied by phone that there are no terminator signs there.)

My Notes:
The speed limit in Coombe Bisset must be set by a TRO because they have repeater signs, and it is illegal to have 30 repeater signs on an illumiated road that is automatically a 30.
I entered the village via The Old Blandford Road from outside the TRO area.
There are no paired signs there to indicate the start of a restricted area as required.
It is a Byway Open to All Traffic which means it is a highway with all the rights and obligations of any other highway.
It is not a cul-du-sac as it opens onto a non restricted highway at the southern end.
Absence of signs is a valid defence.
http://www.honestjohn.co.uk/faq/faq.htm?id=52 gives some more details Wilts Safety Camera team should remember the A303 Folly Bottom pre-trial review hearing at Salisbury Magistrates Courts on 17 February 2005 where they had to withdraw speeding prosecutions because of inadequate signage.
I would hope they would want to avoid a repeat of that case.

Dear Ms Butcher (Officer in charge of Conditional Offers)

I'm surprised to receive a COFP from you today. As your literature makes clear about the COFP - "mistakes can be very costly and result in a loss of revenue upon which the Unit depends."
You will also be aware that the WSCP made a costly mistake on A303 at Folly Bottom in 2005 because of inadequate signage.
Coombe Bissett also has inadequate signage;

If you enter Coombe Bissett via The Old Blandford Road, a highway classified as a BOAT which isn't a cul-du-sac but comes from the main A road south of the village there are no paired terminal speed limit signs:

Direction 8 of Traffic Signs Regulations and General Directions 2002
states:
2) In accordance with the following provisions of this direction and the provisions of direction 9, appropriate signs to which this direction applies shall be placed to indicate the point at which a restriction, requirement, prohibition or speed limit app lying to traffic on a road (in this direction and in direction 9 called the "relevant road") begins.
(3) Subject to paragraphs (4), (5) and (6) and to direction 9, a sign to which this direction applies shall be placed on the relevant road at or as near as practicable to the point referred to in paragraph (2) -
(a) where the relevant road has only one carriageway, on each side of that carriageway...

Quite clearly The Old Blandford Road entrance to Coombe Bissett fails this Direction of having a 30 sign on "each side of that carriageway"
"at or as near as practicable to" where the speed limit begins.

The speed limit is unenforceable.

Let's try to avoid another costly mistake and embarrassment.

Nick Blencowe's reply:
I do not accept that the 30 mph speed limit on the A354 at Coombe Bisset is unenforceable due to lack of signage on the Old Blandford Road By-way. As I explained, I have referred the matter for expert opinion to clarify the situation but it is my belief that there is sufficient information to make road users joining the A354 at that point, aware of the 30 mph restriction.

My Reply:
I'm not a lawyer so I will forward your email to my solicitor for his comments but your reference to "sufficient information" brings to mind Coombes v DPP [2006] EWHC 3263 (Admin) (20 December 2006)
URL: http://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/Admin/2006/3263.html where the Court emphasised that the test of signage was one of "adequate guidance".

However Paragraph 15 of the judgement reads:
The direction for the placement of the traditional roadside speed limit signs is Direction 8. This requires the placement of traditional signs (670) on each side of the carriageway at the point at which the speed restriction starts.

Paragraph 26 makes clear that the Judge did not express any view as to whether in this case the relevant obligation to erect and maintain traffic signs in such positions as may be requisite in order to give effect to the Directions was fulfilled or not.

So I think we can see that Coombes shows that paired signs are required even though in that case it was not a material fact.

I wouldn't therefore expect you to rely on Coombes for any precedent that signage merely has to be adequate when the judge clearly sets out a requirement that wasn't followed.

----

A second reply in response to a phone call from Nick:

Thank you for drawing my attention to the Shersby speeding case in Sussex.
Reading the judgement by Judge Roger Ede I think it is good news for all of us.

Mr Shersby argued that the speed limit was unenforceable because minor roads leading onto the stretch of road he was caught on didn't have terminal signs. However he admitted he hadn't entered the area by those entrances and had actually passed a pair of terminal signs.

The Judge said: " he was "not concerned with the case with the hypothetical case of a motorist who may have entered the speed restriction imposed by the Order without having passed requisite signs" and that "I see nothing inequitable or unfair in my taking this approach as the hypothetical motorist I have referred to may well have a defence to a charge of speeding if what Mr Shersby says is true. But that would be for another court on another day to decide on that case's own facts. As a consequence, I do not consider it necessary for me to decide whether the other routes referred to by Mr Shersby were roads or not or had the requisite signs or not"

From that I think you can take the message that even though the entrance to the Coombe Bissett speed limit via the Old Blandford Road doesn't have the required terminal signs it doesn't necessarily mean that the speed limit is unenforceable for vehicles that enter it along the main road where there are signs. So by dropping my case you would not be opening the floodgates to similar cases.
And of course it is quite obvious that the Shersby finding is no precedent as I did enter the area through an unsigned entrance.

Mr Shersby also passed up to seven repeater signs whereas the survey of Coombe Bissett from the Old Blandford Road entrance shows that the first repeater sign is at the junction and is side on to emerging traffic and so unnoticeable. The second sign, on the east side of the road, is in a hedge, a hedge that has been cut back and the sign spruced up since the date in question, and the third sign, on the west side of the road, is at the lay-by where the camera van was parked, again the sign has been improved and being on the opposite side of the road it would be hidden by oncoming traffic. So the argument of adequate signage doesn't apply either.

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October 2, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Spot the Star Edition)

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The Return of Kim du Toit

...just when you thought it was safe to browse the internet:

Allow me to welcome you to The Kim and Connie Show on BlogTalkRadio.

Links to the show itself are on both websites, but at BlogTalkRadio, you can use the "press to talk" button (if you have a microphone hooked up to yer puter) and call in for free.

The show debuts on Saturday 3rd October, and runs thereafter every Saturday and Sunday evening at 6pm Central US (midnight your time, I think -- it changes to 1am when America reverts to Standard Time, but I was never any good at relative arithmetic). If you miss the show, you can still listen to the archived copy, at your leisure.

Also: Facebook, if you're that way inclined. There's also Twitter, but I don't have the faintest idea how that works.

A listen to look forward to. I will even try and get a microphone working on my computer to harangue them about their woolly liberalism. The microphone I used to have no longer works since that unfortunate incident...

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Nothing to watch on the box

The girls of the Castle are complaining that the Freeview box no longer works properly even after retuning. I guess I need to pay the price of progress and buy a new one. I gather it needs to be HDMI, and needs a HDD. Is that right? What else do should it have? Any suggestions of what to buy?

Posted by The Englishman at 6:13 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

September 28, 2009

Missspelt

www.telegraph.co.uk/.../Googlle-Google-releases-missspelt-logo-to-mark-11th-anniversary.htm

Boo - They have corrected it now....

Googlle: Google releases misspelt logo to mark 11th anniversary - Telegraph

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Where the old trade's plyin' an' the old flag flyin'

The Royal Navy says it has seized its largest haul of cocaine, with an estimated street value of £240m.
The Portsmouth-based frigate HMS Iron Duke seized more than five-and-a-half tonnes of the drug from a 138ft fishing boat off the coast of South America....
In raids in July and August, the warship was involved in two operations which seized cocaine with an estimated street value totalling £39m.
Prince William served on HMS Iron Duke in July 2008, during which the crew seized more than £40m of cocaine in the Caribbean.

The spirit of Drake and Hawkins is abroad, that's the way to bolster the defence budget. I wonder if there is any Spanish gold still being shipped because our troops need every penny they can get to pay for better equipment.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:32 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

September 27, 2009

Paedo Polanski, better late than never?

The Smoking Gun: Archive reveals the unsealed grand jury minutes that detail Roman Polanski's 1977 sex assault including anal rape of a 13 year old girl.

But he is an "artist" and a major league luvvie so how dare they want to put him up for trial. I would rather book Garry Glitter as the entertainer for a kids party than have anything to do with the scumbag director and his apologists.

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September 25, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Similar but Different Edition)

Only 68 views as of now so I guess you haven't seen it before....

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September 23, 2009

Lolling, Lolling, Lolling, Lawhide!

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September 20, 2009

Countryfile

Dustbowl farm in the Vale this morning, there is a cycle race going up the hill hidden in the blowing soil. I just closed the windows and turned up the air con as I went through...

Some other random photos from my phone are below.

Driving back from the Pub...

A local lane before Mr FM visits.

'Pollo examining the badger damage to the maize, the badgers think they are beavers and fell the maize stalks to get at the cobs.

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September 18, 2009

Official - Parking in Wiltshire, One Law for Us, One Law for Them

I queried whether with regards to parking in Salisbury there was One Law for Us, One Law for Them

I was right there is:

Wiltshire Council undertakes a large number of statutory and discretionary duties within Wiltshire. This involves using a large number of liveried vehicles such as those used by refuse teams, dog wardens, pest controllers and grounds maintenance crews. For drivers to pay for a ticket whilst undertaking these duties and claim back the cost of parking would not be an efficient use of staff time and resources.

Therefore a decision was taken to allow all Wiltshire Council liveried vehicles free parking within all Wiltshire Council owned parking areas. This increases the operational effectiveness of the authority and reduces the cost to the taxpayer. This decision is permissible under the Traffic Management Act 2004. Liveried vehicles are expected to abide by all other restrictions in place within the parking area and must be on council business and during council works time. The use of parking by liveried vehicles is monitored to ensure hat abuse does not occur.

One could argue that the streets aren't owned by the Council but when they promise that they look out for "hat abuse" that would just be carping. It was silly of me to ever expect that our rulers should obey the laws we have to.

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Friday Night is Music Night (Her Name was Stacia Edition)

Stacia joined the band in 1971, and true to this band's rather chemically-influenced history, accounts vary as to how and why she began working with the band.
Stacia herself stated that she simply showed up and was inspired to dance by the band's music. In any case, she joined the "crew" in 1971 and immediately became an integral part of the group.
Stacia was six feet tall, "happily bisexual", an attractive and imposing figure of a woman by any standard, and often augmented her visual impact by performing clad only in iridescent or luminescent paint. In a 2007 BBC Four documentary, Motörhead's Lemmy described her as 6 ft 2 inches tall with a 52 inch bust and a bookbinder by trade. The same documentary said that she was working as a petrol pump attendant in Cornwall when she joined them......

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When Gentlemen Raced Cars

More recent circuits below:

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September 16, 2009

Morituri Te Salutant

Keith Floyd left life in the style in which he had lived it — with a glass of wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

Despite heart problems and a series of operations for bowel cancer, his last meal was a three-course gourmet feast eaten at the restaurant of a fellow celebrity chef, Mark Hix, at Lyme Regis, Dorset. Lunch was shared with his close friend of 40 years, Celia Martin, and began with a Hix Fix cocktail — a morello cherry soaked in Somerset apple eau de vie topped up with champagne — on the sun terrace.

He followed this up with a glass of white burgundy before moving indoors to the best table in the house, where he enjoyed a plate of oysters and potted Morecambe Bay shrimps.

The pair shared a bottle of Côtes du Rhone red with their main course. Floyd ordered grouse, but the kitchen slipped up and sent him red-legged partridge and bread sauce by mistake. Floyd laughed it off and tucked into the substitute dish with enthusiasm.

The meal at the Hix Oyster and Fish House finished with apple pie and perry jelly, and several cigarettes. Floyd picked up the £120 bill.

He said, ‘I have not felt this well for ages’. He had a very good last day.

What a way to live. I spent a very, very good Christmas staying for a few days at his Pub in Devon. I raised a glass in memory last night.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:34 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

All Your Cars Are Belong To Us

Owners of uninsured cars face new fines under new Government curbs - Telegraph

The new law will make it an offence to be the registered keeper of an uninsured car, whether or not the vehicle is being used and regardless of whether it has a valid tax disc or is kept on private property.
The only way to avoid a fine will be to go through the bureaucratic process of making a Statutory Off Road Notification (SORN) ...
“This will hit innocent people,” added Gus Hosein, a visiting fellow at the London School of Economics and policy director at Privacy International.
“It doesn’t make sense. If a car is not being driven, why does it have to be insured?
“This will hit law abiding people. You think you need insurance for activities you are actually doing. You don’t expect to have to be insured just because of a Government whim.”

Whim? I would have used a stronger word for this outrageous invasion into the rights of private property.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:30 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

September 11, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Not the Blonde One Edition)

You really don't want to see the other one now from the same vintage do you? But if you insist she is below the fold.

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September 8, 2009

Parking in Salisbury - One Law for Us, One Law for Them

Coming back from surveying Coombe Bissett I stopped in Salisbury to visit my Turkish Barber and I was surprised to spot a Wiltshire Council van (ID 687)

parked in a metered pay on Catherine Street for some time without a ticket, and no sign of the driver in the vicinity.
Round the corner in Winchester Street another van (172)

was parked in a loading bay (wheels over the line) with no loading or unloading occurring.
(I think the driver was waiting to have his hair cut).

As a Parking Attendant hung vulture like over my car waiting for the ticket to expire I politely enquired if he had noticed them. He replied that Wiltshire Council vans had "considerable concessions" and so were presumably immune to the law.

An FOI to parking@wiltshire.gov.uk has been sent to ask; "Is that correct? If so under what regulations are the concessions given? Or was he mistaken and in need of reminding?"

Posted by The Englishman at 10:08 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Speed Trap in Coombe Bissett - Local Help Needed

I went to see a farm up The Old Blandford Road off Coombe Bissett the other day and got snapped after I drove down into the village. I couldn't remember seeing any signs so I went back and checked again today. I'm now awaiting a reply to my email to the Acting Inspector in charge, but I thought maybe a reader could help me shed light on this.

To:* Nick.Blencowe@wiltshire.pnn.police.uk
*CC:* safety.cameras@wiltshire.police.uk,

Nick

Please could you confirm to me the speed limit in force on The Old
Blandford Road in Coombe Bissett - Map reference SU098238 to SU108264
When it leaves the A354 at the southern end it is a Byway Open to All
Traffic without illumination or any signage so I believe it is 60mph (for
cars, other vehicles as usual) As it approaches the village it transforms
into a tarmac road, still without illumination or any signage.
On inspecting it today I was unable to spot any Terminator signs for the
30 limit that is in the village. Please also confirm that this entrance
to the village either has no signage or where they are.

Thank you

(I'm sure it won't be needed but if necessary please treat this as an FOI
request)

Posted by The Englishman at 4:19 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

September 4, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (I Fought Japanese Special Edition)

Forward to 3:10 - what's not to like?

Posted by The Englishman at 4:26 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

A typical Wiltshire village

Off out today to a little village a few miles south of me, this is the only tourist video of it I could find...

I'm not sure of the correct dress code, what should I wear, or carry?

Posted by The Englishman at 6:42 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

September 1, 2009

Hi Ho, It's off to work we go, after the bank holiday

Your boss and working conditions may vary...

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August 29, 2009

Seen through a long lens in Suffolk - "Thousands of them!"

...The old brigadier liked to keep a few Zulu warriors in the shed at the bottom of the garden to remind himself of happier days....

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Damson Snow Recipe

Today I have mainly been making Damson Snow - an ancient 16th Century recipe we all love

1lb of Damson
Cup of cold water
4 oz of honey or 3 of sugar
1/4 pint of Double cream (I have heard of yoghurt being used instead)
2 large egg whites.

Stew the damsons in the sweetened water (adjust honey/sugar to taste, it wants to be pretty tart.)
Pass through a colander to remove stones and allow to cool.
Whip the cream lightly, mix it in.
Whip the egg whites to soft peaks and then fold in. Don't over mix at this stage, should be like pink and white snow. Put into individual glasses and keep cool.

Looks and tastes fantastic and with the bumper year of damson we are having there is no excuse not to make it.

Posted by The Englishman at 1:18 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Seaside Property Porn

Durrants are delighted to offer for sale this quite charming and delightful Georgian cottage with many of its original features still intact. The cottage enjoys offset sea views from both ground and first floor level, including partial views of the Pier. To the rear, is a delightful enclosed courtyard garden and a charming little sun room, from which to enjoy the garden. Modern conveniences have been carefully incorporated into the cottage, including secondary glazed windows and night storage heating.
Included with the sale of the property, is a wonderful history of all the owners dating from 1802, together with a copy of an abstract title from 1970 and a copy of a Conveyance of January 1971 when the cottage was sold for the grand sum of £6,000!

Council Tax Band: E

How much then?

Guide Price £475,000 - I guess there are still bonuses out there burning holes in pockets.

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August 28, 2009

I couldn't possibly comment

Teetotallers suffer higher levels of depression than drinkers - Telegraph
Those who abstain from alcohol are also more likely to lack social skills and have higher levels of anxiety, it was claimed.
One reason why non-drinkers were more gloomy could be that they have few friends, the study suggests.

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Friday Night is Music Night (Sweet GV Edition)

(Back in the saddle from a week away - more later)

Posted by The Englishman at 4:59 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

August 21, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (The Great Escape Edition)

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August 20, 2009

Für „Bad“ Boys und Girls.

Guns in Roses/Handseife
Rosige Zeiten für „Bad“ Boys und Girls. Mach die Wanne zum Tatort.
Duft: Rose · ca. 14×10×3 cm

H/t Bishop Hill who prefers the teabags

Posted by The Englishman at 11:44 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

August 19, 2009

If you are working in the hot sun this afternoon - a little relief.

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August 18, 2009

That all grants and promises of fines and forfeitures of particular persons before conviction are illegal and void.

Police cannot be trusted to hand out summary justice and will act as “judge and jury” if given powers to issue more on-the-spot fines, magistrates have warned.

A problem that we have recognised and dealt with before:

"Clause [29] No Freeman shall be taken, or imprisoned, or be disseised of his Freehold, or Liberties, or free Customs, or be outlawed, or exiled, or any otherwise destroyed; nor will we pass upon him, nor condemn him, but by lawful Judgment of his Peers, or by the Law of the Land. We will sell to no man, we will not deny or defer to any man either Justice or Right." (Magna Carta, 1297 version)
This was amended in 1354 by Edward III to read as follows: “. . . no man of what estate or condition that he be, shall be put out of land or tenement, nor taken, nor imprisoned, nor disinherited, nor put to death, without being brought in answer by due process of law.”

And of course the Bill of Rights of 1689 gives us the headline. How careless of us to forget.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:01 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

August 17, 2009

Libertarian Linky Love

Constantly Furious: And the winner is...
Big shout out to the the other 19. Mutual backslap, dudes! Why not publish this, or similar, on your blog, and we can all share a little link lurve.

1 Guido Fawkes
2 Devil's Kitchen
3 Old Holborn
4 Obnoxio the Clown
5 Underdogs Bite Upwards
6 Tim Worstall
7 Samizdata
8 Boatang & Demetriou
9 Dick Puddlecote
10 LPUK Blog
11 The Last Ditch
12 Constantly Furious
13 Anna Raccoon
14 Freedom to Choose
15 Rantin' Rab
16 Plato Says
17 Charles Crawford
18 An Englishman's Castle
19 Frank Davis
20 Oxford Libertarian Society

(I forgot all about this so thanks to anyone who voted for me without being asked to. Much appreciated)

Posted by The Englishman at 6:51 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

August 16, 2009

Holiday Reading

An email just in....

Amazon Recommendations for you based on items you purchased or told us you own.

* Tickle, Tickle
* Home Run: Escape from Nazi Europe
* Maisy Goes to Bed
* Tiddler
* The Sausage Book

That about sums it up....

Posted by The Englishman at 10:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 15, 2009

Celebrations

Mr Free Market's busy schedule involved several drinks last night at the King's Arms as it was his birthday. As we celebrated him getting his bus pass I seem to remember showing off how on a GPS enabled phone Google searches were localised and results showed what was available locally. Fantastic for weather forecasts and pubs. I find this morning that my phone is still searching for bukkaki. I think that is when I made my excuses and left...

( We also toasted Mr and Mrs Devil's good news)

Posted by The Englishman at 6:44 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

An Englishman in France

There is something very wrong and unsettling about this picture, it is unnatural.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:25 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

August 14, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Les Paul Edition)

RIP

Posted by The Englishman at 6:43 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

August 10, 2009

Something to celebrate with a cup of tea and a small slice of cake

As legacies go, it is a mixed one. The image of the dour, joyless, you'll-have-had-your-tea Scot has always been laid at the door of John Calvin, the French theologian who was born 500 years ago this week.

It is an important birthday for Scotland, for it heralds the arrival of the Protestant Reformation.

Scotland’s leading historian has challenged the doom-laden image of the Protestant Reformation’s influence on the country and says that, far from being negative, it was a key factor in the flowering of the Enlightenment.

Professor Tom Devine makes the claim in an article in The Times marking the 450th anniversary of the Reformation in Scotland, so far largely unmarked. Opposition politicians say the Scottish Government appears to have ignored the anniversary.

And why is it no surprise that they don't want to remember how Scotland used to promote hard work and self reliance as the way to thrive, and exported this ethos to the world with great success.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:31 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 9, 2009

For those of you going off on holiday...

...what's the point of being treated like sheep. What's the pointof going abroad if you're just another tourist carted around in buses surrounded by sweaty mindless oafs from Kettering and Coventry in their cloth caps and their cardigans and their transistor radios and their Sunday Mirrors, complaining about the tea - "Oh they don't make it properly here, do they, not like at home" - and stopping at Majorcan bodegas selling fish and chips and Watney's Red Barrel and calamares and two veg and sitting in their cotton frocks squirting Timothy White's suncream all over their puffy raw swollen purulent flesh 'cos they "overdid it on the first day. And being herded into endless Hotel Miramars and Bellvueses and Continentales with their modern international luxury roomettes and draught Red Barrel and swimming pools full of fat German businessmen pretending they're acrobats forming pyramids and frightening the children and barging into queues and if you're not at your table spot on seven you miss the bowl of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup, the first item on the menu of International Cuisine, and every Thursday night the hotel has a bloody cabaret in the bar, featuring a tiny emaciated dago with nine-inch hips and some bloated fat tart with her hair brylcreemed down and a big arse presenting Flamenco for Foreigners. And then some adenoidal typists from Birmingham with flabby white legs and diarrhoea trying to pick up hairy bandy-legged wop waiters called Manuel and once a week there's an excursion to the local Roman Remains to buy cherryade and melted ice cream and bleeding Watney's Red Barrel and one evening you visit the so called typical restaurant with local colour and atmosphere and you sit next to a party from Rhyl who keep singing "Torremolinos, torremolinos" and complaining about the food - "It's so greasy isn't it?" - and you get cornered by some drunken greengrocer from Luton with an Instamatic camera and Dr. Scholl sandals and last Tuesday's Daily Express and he drones on and on about how Mr. Smith should be running this country and how many languages Enoch Pow ell can speak and then he throws up over the Cuba Libres. And sending tinted postcards of places they don't realise they haven't even visited to "All at number 22, weather wonderful, our room is marked with an 'X'.
Food very greasy but we've found a charming little local place hidden away in the back streets where they serve Watney's Red Barrel and cheese and onion crisps and the accordionist plays 'Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner'." And spending four days on the tarmac at Luton airport on a five-day package tour with nothing to eat but dried BEA-type sandwiches and you can't even get a drink of Watney's Red Barrel because you're still in England and the bloody bar closes every time you're thirsty and there's nowhere to sleep and the kids are crying and vomiting and breaking the plastic ash-trays and they keep telling you it'll only be another hour although your plane is still in Iceland and has to take some Swedes to Yugoslavia before it can load you up at 3 a.m. in the bloody morning and you sit on the tarmac till six because of "unforeseen difficulties", i.e. the permanent strike of Air Traffic Control in Paris - and nobody can go to the lavatory until you take off at 8, and when you get to Malaga airport everybody's swallowing "enterovioform" and queuing for the toilets and queuing for the armed customs officers, and queuing for the bloody bus that isn't there to take you to the hotel that hasn't yet been finished. And when you finally get to the half-built Algerian ruin called the Hotel del Sol by paying half your holiday money to a licensed bandit in a taxi you find there's no water in the pool, there's no water in the taps, there's no water in the bog and there's only a bleeding lizard in the bidet. And half the rooms are double booked and you can't sleep anyway because of the permanent twenty-four-hour drilling of the foundations of the hotel next door - and you're plagues by appalling apprentice chemists from Ealing pretending to be hippies, and middle-class stockbrokers' wives busily buying identical holiday villas in suburban development plots just like Esher, in case the Labour government gets in again, and fat American matrons with sloppy-buttocks and Hawaiian-patterned ski pants looking for any mulatto male who can keep it up long enough when they finally let it all flop out. And the Spanish Tourist Board promises you that the raging cholera epidemic is merely a case of mild Spanish tummy, like the previous outbreak of Spanish tummy in 1660 which killed half London and decimated Europe - and meanwhile the bloody Guardia are busy arresting sixteen-year-olds for kissing in the streets and shooting anyone under nineteen who doesn't like Franco. And then on the last day in the airport lounge everyone's comparing sunburns, drinking Nasty Spumante, buying cartons of duty free "cigarillos" and using up their last pesetas on horrid dolls in Spanish National costume and awful straw donkeys and bullfight posters with your name on "Ordoney, El Cordobes and Brian Pules of Norwich" and 3-D pictures of the Pope and Kennedy and Franco, and everybody's talking about coming again next year and you swear you never will although there you are tumbling bleary-eyed out of a tourist-tight antique Iberian airplane.......

I'm staying at home next week.

Posted by The Englishman at 10:55 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 7, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Let it Roll Edition)

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August 4, 2009

Only a year? What do they spend the rest of the time doing?

Men spend a year staring at women - Telegraph

The average man will spend almost 43 minutes a day staring at 10 different women.
That adds up to 259 hours - almost 11 days - each year, making a total 11 months and 11 days between the ages of 18 and 50.
But researchers found that the males of the species are not the only ones admiring the opposite sex as women sneak a peek at six men for just over 20 minutes a day, on average.
That adds up to almost six months spent admiring men from afar between the ages of 18 and 50.

Posted by The Englishman at 7:57 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

August 3, 2009

The T is silent as in Harlow

Turning on the TV to find a weather forecast I caught a ten second clip of Rupert Everett talking about Byron's valet (I think). He pronounced the t in valet. Even the Americans don't do that. Maybe as he is several degrees posher than any of us that is why he did it. Just as we giggle at Septics when they lose the t on fillet, imagining they are showing continental sophistication, maybe the Norman classes here are reclaiming the t in valet and giggling at those not in the know.

I note the reference quoted below states such pronunciation to be considered ignorant or old-fashioned. I think I will risk being considered ignorant rather than being tarred with being considered modern or worse.

From now on I shall call my man a valet, with a t.

valet
In English, the word is nowadays generally pronounced with a silent 't', as in French, the older pronunciation in which the 't' was pronounced (so 'valet' rhymes with 'pallet') being considered old-fashioned or even ignorant.

Fillet (pronounced “fill-it”)

(But Covert, as in the coat or the small wood every home should have to the north east, will remain T less.)

Posted by The Englishman at 9:48 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

August 2, 2009

Intruders in the House - The Times suggests

Where burglars fear to tread - Times Online
....gadgets that keep the baddies at bay

Fake cans of paint and dummy alarms... you may have other ideas they don't mention. The comments section is open.

Posted by The Englishman at 9:09 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Intruders in the Garden - The Times suggests

Foxes in your garden. How to — legally — get rid of these pests
..it is a criminal offence to deliberately “mutilate, kick, beat, nail or otherwise impale, stab, burn, stone, crush, drown, drag or asphyxiate” them.

Even those with opposable thumbs?

Posted by The Englishman at 8:57 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 1, 2009

De mortuis nil nisi bonum dicendum est

I know nothing of Bobby Robson and I'm sure his death is a sad loss to his family. But, but half the front page of The Times, a twelve page pull out special on him, an obit, a leading article and a double page spread in the news? Is that proportionate? I have leafed through them to try and work out why and seems to my uneducated eye to have been a man who was moderately successful in a dull game in a dull era in a dull part of the country. What am I missing?

Posted by The Englishman at 10:34 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

July 31, 2009

From The Castle Archives

My Father's Erkennungsmarke from Stalag IVB

Posted by The Englishman at 6:47 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Friday Night is Music Night (10 Mellow Minutes Edition)

Outstanding, get yourself comfortable with a big fat one and enjoy.

Extra linked nostalgia below the fold

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Farmer arrested at harvest time for carrying harvesting tool

Farmer Tony Martin has been arrested and questioned by police in Cambridgeshire for allegedly possessing an offensive weapon.
Mr Martin, 64, was arrested when police stopped his car and found what was believed to be a farm sickle.

I always carry a hammer as well and keep them crossed and claim it is political freedom of expression.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:19 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

July 30, 2009

The R word

Asian man who called policemen 'white redneck hooligans' is guilty of racism - Telegraph

Butt, defending himself, admitted he used the words Paki and Gestapo and accepted he used the word hooligan, and possibly the word white, but denied calling the police rednecks.

Yup, Rednecks is a word too far, us country boys get offended if lilly white doughnut bandits get called it.

Posted by The Englishman at 7:18 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 25, 2009

You're a better man than I am

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July 23, 2009

Local Policing for Local Folk

Minority religions could gain right to their own police officers - Telegraph

Muslims, Jewish and Hindu crime victims could be given the right to request a police officer of their own religion under a scheme being trialled in the Sikh community. Black people and homosexuals may also be entitled to ask for an officer of the same ethnicity or sexuality.

Excellent, if we could have old PC "Blackthorn" Stick back here in the village we would have a lot less trouble. He understood our local "cultural issues deemed important to solving crimes." I doubt we would ever see a Pikey, Hunt Sab or Crop Circlist again....

Posted by The Englishman at 8:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 17, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Fever Edition)

More Ann Marget here I try to keep my reader happy.

Posted by The Englishman at 5:17 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 10, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Popular Edition)

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Friday Night is Music Night (21 Years Ago Edition)

Twenty one years ago this night I turned on the car radio as I drove home from the hospital having just become a father for the first time and this was playing. Whatever uses this music is put to that glorious moment is what it reminds me of.

Happy Birthday Son.

Posted by The Englishman at 5:52 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

It maybe your idea of fun but...

'Swine flu' fans to be ejected from T in Park - Scotsman.com News

NHS Teams will be patrolling the sprawling site at Balado, near Kinross, offering hand gel and to help ensure public areas are kept hygienic and to offer advice to anyone worried. : "Festival-goers are encouraged to practise good hygiene by washing their hands or using anti-bacterial hand gels regularly and covering their nose and mouth when coughing or sneezing."

An "eye in the sky" blimp, equipped with specialist night-vision CCTV cameras, will be deployed by the Police force. A spokesman said: "Tayside Police will not tolerate illegal drug use. Drug amnesty bins will be placed at the entrance to the campsites, where people can dispose of any illegal substances without being excluded from the event or prosecuted.

Wow, Doesn't that sound fun! A couple of days stuck in a tent in a muddy field in Scotland, being hounded by NHS busybodies and spied on by Plod and not even the chance of a camberwell carrot to take you mind of it all.

The young people of today don't know what they are missing...

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July 9, 2009

Criminal Olympics

Olympics a target for criminal networks, police warn - Scotsman.com News

I could name two without trying, the IOC and the British Government, why not start your investigations there Inspector?

Posted by The Englishman at 6:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 7, 2009

My Chilli Cook-Off Recipe

Many cultures across the world rely on the pig for protein, Colombians included. One of the most delectable dishes is Chicharron (fried pork skins). This is nothing like the fried pork rinds that you buy in the store in the Atkins Low Carb Section. This is not made with the salt pork you can find in the meat isle. This is made from fresh pork belly and a cut that doesnt include much meat (the meat doesnt really hold up well to the process, its the fat that counts here).

I flavoured some up with Chilli (though I should have made them hotter), a sprinkle of flaked sea salt and a squeeze of lime and they went down very well.

More recipe ideas here...
Pork rind - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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Hi Ho Hi Ho The Smile Police At Work

Workers have daily smile scans - Telegraph

More than 500 staff at Keihin Electric Express Railway are expected to be subjected to daily face scans by "smile police" bosses.
The "smile scan" software, developed by the Japanese company Omron, produces a sweeping analysis of a smile based on facial characteristics, from lip curves and eye movements to wrinkles.
For those with a below-par grin, one of an array of smile-boosting messages will op up on the computer screen ranging from "you still look too serious" to "lift up your mouth corners", according to the Mainichi Daily News.
A growing number of service industries are reportedly using the new Omron Smile Scan system for "smile training" among its staff.

I fear that the machine would receive a message back from me if I arrived for work expected to beam, something along the lines of a lump hammer into its lens and "see if you are smiling now".

Posted by The Englishman at 6:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 5, 2009

Cook-Off Aftermath

Red tape forces cancellation of village fetes - Telegraph

There are at least 15 different licences, legal agreements, forms and certificates for which fete organisers can ultimately be responsible, research by this newspaper has established.
The person in charge of an event which breaks the terms of its licence may face a £20,000 fine or six months in prison, while failure to meet stringent insurance requirements could see village committee members sued in the event of an accident.

It is a good job no one organised the Chilli Cook-off yesterday, it was a spontaneous gathering with no paperwork...

The Master at Work - Hotter than The Devil's Brew! and to prove that Jack Russels are fearless...

Posted by The Englishman at 7:25 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

July 4, 2009

Cook-Off Day

There are the Fires of Hades to be stoked and Scotch Bonnets to be prepared, see you later.

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July 3, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Red Hot Edition)

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July 2, 2009

At the Sign of the Barber's Pole

Deep joy - I have at long last found a decent Barber's shop in Wiltshire. For years I have put up with an ever changing rota of feral youths in my local establishments who having passed an NVQ in holding sharp scissors in their pudgy white tattooed paws believe they are doing you a favour in randomly snipping bits of hair off. Unless you want a bleached cockatoo for a hairstyle you end up looking like Nick Griffen.
But tucked away on Winchester Street, Salisbury, I found a proper Turkish barber. Not only did he cut my hair properly in silence, I had the pleasure of him scraping round my neck with a cut throat razor, (maybe that is why Nick Griffen doesn't use a Turkish Barber), and the old flaming wand was produced to singe off the hairs in and on my ears and nose. If you have never had a Turk gently blowing a flame into your ear, and balming it with unguents of the orient, you have never been properly prepared to face the rigours of the day.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:47 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

June 29, 2009

I've found a new website

No more typing until my trapped nerve stops throbbing and I can go back to using my right fist. I even had to use my other hand to clean my teeth, made a change, almost as though someone else was doing it to me...

Posted by The Englishman at 7:08 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

June 28, 2009

Halcyon Days

Punting on the Cherwell and a Garden Party at the old Oxford college, eating and drinking with friends on a sunny English weekend, it doesn't get much better.

Posted by The Englishman at 10:30 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

June 26, 2009

Chilli Cook-Off Reminder

Click for Bigger Version

How am I going to top my Banana Chilli Recipe from last year? If you have a recipe to suggest please put it in the comments below as I believe the Devil is coming to sup with us and I need all the help I can get.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:23 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Friday Night is Music Night (Black Genius Died Too Young Edition)

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Friday Night is Music Night (Noize Edition)

Turn it up loud

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A Million Bedsit Walls Mourn

It's my age...

Other celebrity death news today only induces huge indifference..

Posted by The Englishman at 6:50 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Oz threat to ancient Wiltshire Craftsmen Jobs

'Stoned wallabies make crop circles'
Australian wallabies are eating opium poppies and creating crop circles as they hop around "as high as a kite", a government official has said.

Oi! That's our job, I wonder if all those Glasto travellers stuck on the A303 at Amesbury realise that the pretty field to the north of Solstice Park is full of Papavar Sominiferum out in flower....

Posted by The Englishman at 6:29 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

June 23, 2009

Night Jacks and Finks

I hadn't blogged before about The Times and its unmasking of Night Jack as I was sure there must be a justification for it that I was missing. I am therefore grateful to Mr Devil for providing the definitive article on the affair and putting to rest any idea that The Times' action was anything other than mean, petty, damaging and plain wrong.

Posted by The Englishman at 7:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Which Nanny Plates

I had the misfortune yesterday to be stuck with only a copy of Which to read. They were moaning on about how easy it was to get forged number plates and steal their members' beige Skodas. They were campaigning for, I think, the Swedish system were there is one government monopoly that supplies all the plates and everything is tripled stamped. They were also pushing for number plates to be electronically chipped, an idea the DVLA is already considering. It is already bad enough in this country to get replacement plates, you have to bring the blood of your first born and a note from your mother, and they think it will help the consumer to make it worse? Criminals will continue to bypass the system, only the poor bloody consumer, who Which are meant to be helping, will be inconvenienced.

Luckily Mr Internet helps and you can buy plates online from Ireland without any hassle, and cheaper than your local registered dealer. Now that is the sort of information consumers need.

Not an advert or recommendation but my car's plates came from these boys in Kilkenny, and I was very happy.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:48 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

June 19, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Hippy Edition)

With Stonehenge just down the road it is a target rich environment out there for Mr FM as we set out cross country in Landie tonight....

Posted by The Englishman at 5:47 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

June 17, 2009

Ah Ha My Lads!

'Come to Portsmouth – it's just like Malta' - Telegraph
Portsmouth has been hailed as the "new Malta" in a bizarre summer advertising campaign.

I'd be tempted if it was like the "old Malta", I first went there aged 16 wearing Her Majesty's uniform, trousers neatly ironed with seven horizontal creases. Bottle of wine seven pence and liberty boat to take us to The Gut (Strait Street) from our base on board HMS St Angelo. Now I guess it is just another fly ridden lump of rock poking out of the greasy sea....

Posted by The Englishman at 7:05 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

I'm only carrying a few extra pounds because...

Sleepwalker put on nine stone with nightly snacks - Telegraph

Dr Eveloff said: "Sleep eating is more common than most people realise but if the person has a mild case - not eating much or only doing it occasionally then they may not even notice.

Up there with I've got heavy bones or a gland problem, there is an excuse to use when you are found shoulder deep in the fridge scoffing the chocolate...

Posted by The Englishman at 6:28 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 13, 2009

Chilli CookOff 4th July 2009 King's Arms All Cannings

Reminder for your diary, you wouldn't want us to come looking for you if you didn't turn up now, would you....

Posted by The Englishman at 9:27 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

June 12, 2009

Hi Honey I'm Home!

Marriage bed makes for a better sleep - Scotsman.com News

MARRIED women sleep better than single ones, according to a new study of 360 middle-aged women.

Too true, I'm back from the pub and Mrs Englishman is unarousable...Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis

Posted by The Englishman at 11:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Ve have vays of making you sing

Telegraph
Susan Boyle tonight vowed fans during the opening show of TV's Britain's Got Talent live tour.

Once is a typo, twice is vorrying.

Posted by The Englishman at 11:13 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Friday Night is Music Night (Dated Glamour Edition)

Posted by The Englishman at 6:14 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

June 11, 2009

Vodafone Fail To Deliver

Despite the promises on "immediate" action and "within 24 hours" no sign of my replacement dongle.....

View Larger Map

Posted by The Englishman at 8:20 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

June 10, 2009

Dongle Mating Worries

My USB broadband dongle stopped working. Plug it in and the computer doesn't know it is there, a bit like a night at the Milibands where the question of "Is it in yet?" is often heard. Tried it on two other computers and the same, no "da-dum". Its fried.
First hour on tech support with Vodafone show that the Sim card and software is OK, I knew that. I was left on hold for twenty minutes. Second hour, I tried to tell them the problem but it wouldn't compute but eventually I was told to take it to a Vodafone shop for it to be tested. Off to bloody town, pay through the nose to park, wait in the shop behind one dim breeder with her screaming kids who spends twenty minutes deciding whether to buy the £20 or £30 phone. As she finishes a scowling muffin top tart waddles in, pushes past me and demands her repaired phone, which wasn't as the stupid bint had spilt her Barcadi Breezer over it and it wasn't insured. Cue another twenty minutes as she tries to comprehend she needs to offer to pay for the repair before they will do it.
Finally I get to the counter where the charming girl reads my service record and says there is no way they can test it in the shop but she will record it doesn't work on my say so.
Hurray! I can get back on the road again. Can she give me an exchange unit? No. I then have to ring up Vodafone and go through it all again with a bizarre American accented person to whom English was a third language. Forty minutes later she has agreed to organise a replacement. Which I will get an email about sometime today, maybe, though as I haven't got mobile Internet access that is a lot of use to me.
Don't expect much internet contact from me today, and that large cloud of black smoke just off the Newbury bypass as Vodafone HQ burns to the ground is nothing to do with me, OK.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:31 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

June 7, 2009

Only Head of State Alive Who Was In Uniform During WW2

The deplorable absence of The Queen in Normandy yesterday keeps being mentioned with the phrase "She's the only head of state who was in uniform/served during the war" (Andrew Neil for example just used it on the BBC).
Before this canard gains universal acceptance my I point out that the Pope also qualifies....

Posted by The Englishman at 9:15 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Viking Ritual Claims Victim at Oxford

Oxford University student badly burned in boat race ceremony - Telegraph
Students watched as the tradition of burning the winning boat went horribly wrong when Josh – who studies history and politics – stumbled into the flames.
One student said: "He was a bit drunk and people were running around the boat.
"He wanted to jump through the fire but he didn't realise that there was someone running through the other side so he crushed into them and got burned.
"I think he was the only one badly burned."

The horror! SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!

Actually it seems that Oxford produces some sensible people...

"Some staff were not the entirely happy about the injury. I haven't heard about an official response, but there is a difference between the dean and college officials."
Playing down the incident, Mr Roche said: "I jumped over the boat a few times, quite a few people were doing it. Someone else nudged me and I bumped into them so I caught the edge of the fire.
"I was a bit singed and I lost a few leg hairs."

Posted by The Englishman at 7:58 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 5, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Onomatopœia Special)

As one of the comments says "If you don't like this come see me, you Commie Bastard!".

Posted by The Englishman at 5:45 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

June 3, 2009

Health Advice for Men I can believe in

Men 'live longer' if they marry a younger woman - Telegraph

A man's chances of dying early are cut by a fifth if their bride is between 15 and 17 years their junior.
The risk of premature death is reduced by 11 per cent if they marry a woman seven to nine years younger.
The study at Germany's Max Planck Institute also found that men marrying older women are more likely to die early.
The results suggest that women do not experience the same benefits of marrying a toy boy or a sugar daddy.

Though "I'm only doing it for my health" might not wash as an excuse with my present child bride.

And for once with these health stories they hint at how the correlation and causation might be linked in a non-obvious way. It isn't the rolling around with a nubile that keeps you young, it is the fact you are healthy and wealthy that enables you to attract the nubile in the first place. That buggers it for me then, back to eating the lettuce.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:19 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

June 2, 2009

AWOL

Sunny day yesterday and the kids had a day off school so I started early and finished at 11 in the morning, back home for the full English, two rashers of bacon, sausage, fried egg and fried bread, washed down with strong tea. Then out for lunch, roast beef, chocolate nemeses pudding with lashings of cream, washed down with several pints of IPA. Back home for a bit of strenuous work in the garden in the sun. I must have strained something as I had to retire to the sofa of sloth with a tight pain across my chest, could hardly move so a couple of aspirin and off to bed. I must have slept strangely with my head crushing my hand as I awoke all numb in my left arm and couldn't bear to do any typing. But all seems to be fine now..

UPDATE - under the threat of extreme violence I did go the Docs for check up, the CGT showed my heart is as flinty as ever but keep an eye on it...

Posted by The Englishman at 8:05 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

May 29, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Dance With Me Edition)

Original...

Posted by The Englishman at 6:07 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

May 26, 2009

Welcome back to work

9:00 am on the first day back and I have already wasted an hour ...
Thursday I created a company profile and contact details for someone I do some work for on line.
Friday I get the message "I noticed you have a duplicate profile so I have tidied it up and got it back to your original email, I hope that helps."
No, the original profile consists solely of one incorrect email address which is why it was updated with the correct details and several hundred carefully crafted google baiting words.
Bite my tongue and go and update the details all again, luckily I had some of them saved. Finish the wordsmithing this morning and I can't save them because the email address has already been used, on a deleted profile I can't access...
It is going to be very long week.

Posted by The Englishman at 9:08 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 22, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Baby Baby Edition)

Posted by The Englishman at 5:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 18, 2009

Very Much an English Afternoon

Thirty years of legal drinking...

Posted by The Englishman at 5:54 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

18th May Annual Post

YouTube - Happy Birthday To Me

Posted by The Englishman at 7:10 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

May 16, 2009

Good News - He's back

Numberwatch - May 2009

Posted by The Englishman at 8:37 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 15, 2009

From the Family Album

Sorting through some paperwork I came across this photo of my father in uniform, looks almost like a film still.

Posted by The Englishman at 7:11 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Friday Night is Music Night (Lightning Edition)

Posted by The Englishman at 5:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 13, 2009

Private Solutions to Public Problems

Environmental Markets - Country Land & Business Association

How can farmers and land managers be motivated to provide landscape, biodiversity and other environmental goods?

The CLA believes that the status quo will not deliver these benefits to society and, as a business-based organisation, wants to explore what might be achieved by creating environmental markets.

To download the CLA’s "Private Solutions to Public Problems" please click here.

That's talking my sort of talk, pass it on.

Posted by The Englishman at 12:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 8, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (The Beat Starts Here Edition)

Posted by The Englishman at 5:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 6, 2009

Aiming is for wusses

In the ~~back~~ front of the cupboard I have a five shot Benelli auto-shotgun. Great fun getting off five shots in a second or so, and about the only way I can shoot any pigeons these days. But I'm now lusting after a RCI XRAIL Roth Auto Index Loader to add to it. Even if Mr FM wouldn't let me bring it along to his driven pheasant days.

h/t Irons in the Fire

Posted by The Englishman at 7:02 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 1, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Vinegar Strokes Edition)

Oh come on, get on with it you bunch of long haired hippies....

Posted by The Englishman at 5:51 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 27, 2009

Fancy a Cruise?

Cruise ship opens fire to beat back Somali pirates - Telegraph

I have always thought a cruise must be akin to a living death, but suddenly I can see an attraction. Big game hunting is frowned on now but pirate hunting, now there's a sport. Outside territorial waters so rules free, I can think of a few readers to share the voyage with. I bagsy a .416 Rigby, others may go for something more modern, in fact your suggestions below would be most welcome.

Posted by The Englishman at 7:02 AM | Comments (13) | TrackBack

April 25, 2009

Friday Night Saturday Morning is Music Night (Rip It Up Edition)

Sorry Sue for the late posting....

Posted by The Englishman at 11:55 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

And then we started on the port...

At least the MPs were impressed by the absence of unruly binge drinking in the pub, but then they left before the profiteroles and cheeses...

Posted by The Englishman at 11:36 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 24, 2009

Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye

Off to the annual Gentleman's St George's Day lunch - no live blogging this year, and I hope not to fall asleep face down in The Stinking Bishop either. In fact I gather the owner of the Brewery may be bring a couple of MPs along to demonstrate how Pubs promote sensible drinking and community values. It all may go terribly wrong.

Posted by The Englishman at 7:01 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye

Off to the annual Gentleman's St George's Day lunch - no live blogging this year, and I hope not to fall asleep face down in The Stinking Bishop either. In fact I gather the owner of the Brewery may be bringing a brace of MPs along to demonstrate how Pubs promote sensible drinking and community values. It all may go terribly wrong.

Posted by The Englishman at 7:01 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 20, 2009

And now a commercial break

Friday is St George's Day lunch so I'm trying to do five days work in four this week, so to keep you quiet here is one of the many excellent Manix adverts on youtube.

Posted by The Englishman at 2:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 17, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Arthur Smith Lecture Editon)

Posted by The Englishman at 5:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Whatever happened to the heroes?

'I used icepick to take Somali pirate hostage' says sailor - Times Online
A.T.M. “Zahid” Reza told reporters on his return to America that he had captured the pirate, “Abdul”, with Mike Perry, the ship’s chief engineer.
“I was attempting to kill him,” Mr Reza said. “Chief engineer said, ‘No, no, no, don’t. We need him alive.’ ” Mr Reza, from Connecticut, has been praised by shipmates for his bravery during the high-seas drama that ended with US navy snipers shooting dead three pirates holding Captain Richard Phillips hostage in a lifeboat.

If you are of a certain age reading that story awakens this earworm...

Posted by The Englishman at 6:48 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 16, 2009

Lonely Heart - Can you help?

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

If I was single....

Posted by The Englishman at 6:46 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 14, 2009

On the take?

Blognor Regis: Breaking the Omerta

Obviously all bloggers of a certain ilk are controlled by shadowy puppetmasters. It's inconceivable that so many people could believe such preposterous nonsense otherwise. We all love the Dear Leader really. Trouble is the backhanders are so good.

Bognor's £1 billion makeover - Telegraph

So where's my money then?

Posted by The Englishman at 6:37 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 12, 2009

Easter Sunday English Church

I spent yesterday afternoon at Imber and the lovely restored St Giles church. The unique medieval wall paintings are worth the trip especially as the Church has been kept safe from the ravages of modern priests for 63 years. The village was taken over by the Army in 1943 and now only the church remains intact. In the bell tower there are no bells, they were sold for scrap in the 1950s, but on the walls the changes were painted in 1692 and hand bells were provided so my children could try ringing them; filling the church with music.

Army cadets were learning to patrol in the streets outside, with the middle aged middle class visitors studiously ignoring camouflaged young men with guns sharing the pavement as they headed for their scones and tea.

The village and church are open today and Monday and in August and at Christmas, do go if you can.

More Information

Posted by The Englishman at 8:39 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 10, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Maybe The Best Blues Band Ever Edition)

Posted by The Englishman at 6:19 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 9, 2009

Lions Celebrate Easter the Old Fashioned Way

BBC | Lions enjoy early Easter treats
The lions at Longleat eat more than 40 tonnes of meat each year, the equivalent of two nine-stone people a day.

How much do you think that Archbishop weighs?

Posted by The Englishman at 1:18 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Maundy Maundy Thursday Earworm

Sorry - Earworm?

Posted by The Englishman at 6:55 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 8, 2009

70% of Guardian Readers Can't Be Wrong

Poll: Should the Hunting Act be repealed? guardian.co.uk

Vote Now -
Browser cookie so you know what to do...

Posted by The Englishman at 8:43 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

April 5, 2009

You are in trouble now coming here

Internet records to be stored for a year - Telegraph

Details of every email sent and website visited by people in Britain are to be stored for use by the state from tomorrow. Hundreds of public bodies and quangos, including local councils, will also be able to access the data to investigate flytipping and other less serious crimes.

It was previously thought that only the large companies would be required to take part, covering 95 per cent of Britain's internet usage, but a Home Office spokesman has confirmed it will be applied "across the board" to even the smallest company.

Posted by The Englishman at 10:00 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

April 4, 2009

Rodeo position?

Having a sister makes you happier and more optimistic, say psychologists - Telegraph

As Alan Clark proved...

Posted by The Englishman at 7:16 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Late Night Friday Night is Music Night (The Corrs Without the Ugly Ones Edition)

Posted by The Englishman at 12:27 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 3, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Dusty Archive Edition)

The Times has a long article on Dusty today with links to photos and other videos:
The legacy of Dusty Springfield - Times Online
Dusty Springfield was originally Mary O’Brien, a chubby, redheaded Catholic girl from West Hampstead. She died just over ten years ago, and would have turned 70 on April 16. Her reputation has only grown since her passing; her influence has never been more apparent....

Posted by The Englishman at 4:15 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

March 31, 2009

ESP Test - I get it every time

http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/videohub/esptest.shtml

Three out of three every time .... here's how.

Posted by The Englishman at 9:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 29, 2009

10% return on your money in days, guaranteed!

Royal Mailannounced that the price of First and Second class stamps for standard letters weighing up to 100g would rise by 3p, to 39p and 30p respectively, from 6 April 2009...

Buy the books of stamps that just say first and second at the old price tomorrow - they are still valid for the new price.

I'm here to help, and you did remember to Spring Back your clocks didn't you....

Posted by The Englishman at 8:12 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

March 27, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Horny Edition)

Or if you are staying in tonight contemplating the club Webley whilst nursing a glass of Malt...

Posted by The Englishman at 5:22 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

March 23, 2009

Theo ology in Oxford

Running late this morning as I succumbed to turning on the television last night which is a rare event for me. But my old tutors at Oxford had suggested I catch Lewis on ITV to admire the beauties of Oxford and play the "that doesn't belong there" game. I was pleasantly surprised it was almost as good as Morse and they were certainly right about the pulcritude of the place (or even pulchritude as the Americans would have it, I of course prefer the original spelling.)

The opening scene featured winter on the river bank, lovely; picture below...

Katia Winter

Now that is the way to start the week...pip pip!

Posted by The Englishman at 7:59 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grubb to be sacked

EU ruling will restrict fire safety and put lives at risk - Telegraph

The time they are on call is calculated by Brussels as part of their working week. Around 90 per cent of Britain is protected by retained firefighters.

So my local station instead of relying on roughly two crews who take it in turn to be available as they go about their normal work and rest will need four full time crews to cover the whole week? The present volunteers will be sacked if they choose their normal interesting jobs rather than sitting unwanted in the firestation night after night and who will replace them? I suppose this will be seen as a triumph of EU job creation.

Posted by The Englishman at 7:39 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

March 21, 2009

IE8 Suggested Site For An Englishman - I'll Sue!

Thanks to a Reader....

Posted by The Englishman at 7:38 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

March 20, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Young Punks Edition)

Or the Samba version...

And once more for those of us missing Xena

Posted by The Englishman at 6:10 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

IE8 With Added Porn Mode

Internet Explorer 8: More secure, private, and reliable

When checking e-mail at an Internet café or shopping for a gift on a family PC, you don't want to leave any trace of specific web browsing activity. InPrivate Browsing in Internet Explorer 8 helps prevent your browsing history, temporary Internet files, form data, cookies, and usernames and passwords from being retained by the browser, leaving no evidence of your browsing or search history. Yea, yea, yea - we all know what it is really for..

I haven't tried the new Porn Mode yet but the general impression is that the new IE8 is very fast and works very well. (I expect there will be an Apple Addict along in a minute to point out its faults though...)

Posted by The Englishman at 7:37 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

The Ploughman Homeward Plods His Weary Way

Regular readers may remember this was an annual series...

Image taken on 9/3/2005 16:30

The curfew tolls the knell of parting day
The lowing herd winds slowly o'er the lea,
The ploughman homeward plods his weary way,
And leaves the world to darkness and to me.

Posted by The Englishman at 7:17 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

March 13, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Alan Freed Special)

Posted by The Englishman at 2:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Buttering up Nigella

Would Nigella Lawson be so keen to sample the delights of her own labours if there was margarine in the mixing bowl?

That's too much for first thing in the morning, a cold shower is needed....

Posted by The Englishman at 7:15 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

March 12, 2009

How Well Do You Know Your Highway Code? (1970s Edition)

Posted by The Englishman at 8:05 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

March 11, 2009

Iain, let me introduce to a pair of chaps you should see.

Iain Dale's Diary: Those Gordon Brown DVDs
I am afraid I do not come out well on this...

NEVER SEEN: Gone With The Wind, City Lights, Sunset Boulevard, Casablanca, The General, The Grapes of Wrath, Citizen Kane, Raging Bull, Singin’ in the Rain, Lawrence of Arabia, , Vertigo, The Wizard of Oz, The Searchers, Psycho, 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Graduate, On the Waterfront, Chinatown, Some Like it Hot, The Godfather, Star Wars: Episode IV, It’s a Wonderful Life, To Kill a Mockingbird

Sorry Iain I'm afraid you don't - I can forgive you never having watched the tedious Star Wars or bizarre Wizard, I haven't managed that through all the way so I'm no friend of Dorothy. But Gone, Casablanca, Kane, Singin', Lawrence, Searchers, Some like it Hot and Wonderful Life are films that are part of a civilised man's education.

I only actually own one of them, one that I slip into the slot for a lazy Sunday afternoon snooze in front of the fire and has given me a Pavlovian longing for crumpets as the end credits roll...

Posted by The Englishman at 8:14 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

March 10, 2009

A lift for Otis

Judge furious as 'witness-nobbling' charges against Otis Ferry are dropped - Times Online
Martin Picton, the judge, described the situation as “nonsensical and farcical”. He had abandoned the original robbery and assault trial in September and remanded Mr Ferry in custody – upon pressure from the Crown Prosecution Service – after hearing the perverting the course of justice allegation. The judge called for Kerry Barker, the prosecution lawyer, who was not in court, to appear before him to give a full explanation.
Judge Picton said he found it breathtaking that the prosecution had reached its present situation after the case had been “vegetating a long time”.Bailing Mr Ferry and Mr Deutsch, he told them: “I am adjourning your case. I can’t tell you until when.”

Mr Ferry told The Independent: "This whole thing could have been avoided. It is not only frustrating, but it is devastating. If you have ever been in prison you will know it is not very nice. I was in prison for four months because the police claimed that their sensitive investigation would be prejudiced if I was out. They thought that I would bully the witnesses but it seems to me that they had me locked up on the say-so of one man. What they accused me of was simply not true and I tried to tell them that but they didn't listen."

Posted by The Englishman at 8:14 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

March 6, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Seven Inches of Pleasure Selection Box)

From my lost single collection...

More below the fold..

Posted by The Englishman at 5:50 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Roast Grouse Recipe Wars

Mr Free Market treats us to an unseasonable recipe for Roasted Grouse
..wash trim and cut the celery, leek, & courgette crossways in to 1 inch rounds at an angle....Lightly season the vegetables & brush with olive oil.
Preheat a griddle pan. Slice the new potatoes lengthways into quarters & fry them with the vegetables on the griddle to create a criss-cross effect..Preheat oven to 200C...To assemble the dish, place a slice of black pudding in the centre of each plate & arrange some vegetables & potatoes around it. Place the grouse next to the black pudding. Season the sauce & spoon over.

He is going up in the world, though he failed to include the word "jus".

I suppose I ought to share my recipe for Roast Grouse.

Peel the potatoes first thing in the morning as the second cup of tea and Aspirin take effect. Put in a pan with lots of cold water and handful of salt, bring to the boil on the Aga as your bacon and eggs cook. Finish breakfast, ablute and then pour the boiling water out of the pan over your breakfast plate in the sink to clean the eggy stains off. Leave pan lid off for the potatoes to steam dry as you walk the dogs.
On your return sniff the grouse hanging in the woodshed and pick a couple, or more of the ripe ones. Do the dirty deeds and return indoors with your fresh plucked grouse.
Rummage in the larder and pull out all the root vegetables you can find. Cut off the grotty bits, put in the hen food bucket (it's legal as long as you don't take them into the kitchen first).
Open up the Sunday paper on the kitchen table and put the vegetables on it; read, cut, slice and swear all at the same time. When finished screw up the soiled paper and use in the bottom of the fire grate.
Open a bottle of red.
Heat a large knob of dripping in your largest roasting pan until it is smoking, drop in the potatoes, swirl about and sprinkle with lots of salt. A sprig of rosemary can be added on top. Bung in the oven. Pour a glass of wine.
Second roasting tray, butter and oil and put to heat. When you have finished the wine, take out of oven and put the veg in, shake and return.
Your frying pan that you cooked your bacon in this morning should be returned to the hot plate and all that lovely bacony grease heated up. Pour another glass of wine.
Take birds and roll around in hot pan until they are brown and your fingers hurting.
As Agas only fit two roasting trays you will probably now need to add them to the potato tray.
Drink the glass and check how laying the table in the dining room is going.
Your guests should now arrive, a sherry with them, make your excuse as soon as he mentions his work at the bank, retreat to the kitchen, open another bottle of really meaty red, get all the stuff out of the oven, birds on the carving plate on the table to breathe, veggies in the bowls that were warming in the bottom oven. Splash some wine in a glass to check it and then into the meat roasting pan, pinch of this, spoon of that and your gravy is made.
Take through and carve and let the guests help themselves to vegetables.

I'm sorry it isn't as fancy as Mr FM's but it works for me.

Posted by The Englishman at 7:13 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

February 27, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Let's even up the voting Edition)

Posted by The Englishman at 4:09 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 25, 2009

IPPR Welcomes Collaborators

The Ranting Penguin brings to my attention, in a forthright manner, the paper 'National Security Strategy and Implication for the UK Intelligence Community' which was published last week by the influential New Labour think tank, the Institute of Public Policy Research.

Sir David Omand, Whitehall's former and security and intelligence coordinator, called for unprecedented Big Brother powers to allow access to private details - including phone records, emails and travel information - to be given to the intelligence services....
'Modern intelligence access will often involve intrusive methods of surveillance and investigation, accepting that, in some respects, this may have to be at the expense of some aspects of privacy rights....application of modern data mining and processing techniques does involve examination of the innocent as well as the suspect to identify patterns of interest for further investigation'

As ever I like to go the source for the true story...

ippr - Institute for Public Policy Research - The National Security Strategy:
Implications for the UK intelligence community

This is a free download, but to help us monitor our readership and improve our service we would be grateful if you would register your details below. You will not be asked for these details again. Thank you for your collaboration.

In this case, I won't bother as I don't want to be monitored and collaborate with a bunch of Statists.

Posted by The Englishman at 5:49 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

How to impress the Boss

'Sunday best' tradition will be lost within a generation, researchers warn - Telegraph

Sunday Best clothes, traditionally reserved for wearing to church, topped the list of customs falling by the wayside.
A mere six per cent of Britain's under 25s have ever made the effort to wear them on the traditional day of rest.

I'm not sure if this means dressing up to go to church or putting a tie on when going down the pub for a half a mild and a game of dominoes whilst the leg of lamb cooks. I'm not one for bothering the sky pilot much on a Sunday but when I do go to church I dress as though I was going to an interview, which I suppose I am. And I find it very hard to love my neighbour when they are wearing trainers and jeans; and as for hand shaking I carefully position myself to avoid any chance of that.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:56 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

February 24, 2009

Teatime Pancakes

Gloucester Pancakes from Jane Grigson

Ingredients
6 oz plain flour
1 pinch salt
1 tsp baking powder
3 oz shredded suet
1 egg; beaten
A little milk
Lard for frying

Instructions

Stir together the flour, salt and baking powder in a bowl then rub in
the suet. Add the egg and sufficient milk to produce a stiff dough. Roll
out on a lightly floured surface to about 1/4 inch thick, then cut into
about 12 rounds, using a plain (not fluted) 2 inch cutter. Melt a little
lard in a frying pan and fry the cakes until golden brown on both sides.
Drain well and serve at once with warmed golden syrup or a lemon sauce.
Makes about 12 cakes.

These are fantastic, proper rural fare, three of those and you know you have been fed.

Posted by The Englishman at 8:25 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Beer isn't just for drinking at breakfast

Pancake Day - remember the batter is best made first thing and then left on the slab in the larder for the day before cooking for high tea. So get to it.

Beer Pancakes

2 eggs
8 oz plain flour
2 tbsp granulated sugar
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
1 tsp salt
Half a pint milk
2 tbsp butter melted
grated rind of 1 lemon
2 tbsp Ale

2 tbsps? I would splash a bit more in, and cut the milk a bit, but then that reduces the amount of beer in the bottle that would only go to waste if not drunk at breakfast....

Posted by The Englishman at 7:24 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 20, 2009

The hunting laws seem quite stale now....

I was lucky enough to be invited along to a Lawn Meet today, big thanks again...

English as tuppence,
Changing yet changeless as canal water,
Nestling in green nowhere, armoured and effete,
Feudal, still-reactionary Rawlinson End....

stale definition 1

Having lost freshness; made musty, dry, bad, etc. by having been kept too long;

Having lost originality or newness; lacking in interest through familiarity or overuse;

Out of condition, ineffective, enervated, bored, etc. from either too much or too little activity

LAW having lost legal force or effect through lack of use or action, as a claim or lien

stale definition 2

To urinate: said as of horses and cattle

Posted by The Englishman at 9:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Friday Night is Music Night (European Decadence Edition)

Posted by The Englishman at 5:35 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 19, 2009

Dinton Street View

Driving through Dinton this afternoon I came up behind a strange car with a pole out the roof - a moments thought that it was an intrusive anti privacy cctv setup was dispelled when I noticed the small Google sign on it - Street View being clicked - I hope they didn't catch me eating my sandwich and talking on the phone as I drove along...

View Larger Map

Posted by The Englishman at 9:43 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 18, 2009

The Last Glacier in Wiltshire Melts and a History Lesson

Come back Mr Free Market the last glacier in Wiltshire is melting;

Where's Al Gore when you need him?

The circle you can see on the hill below is Rybury Camp, an ancient Neolithic fortification, which nearly became a bloody battlefield in 1944.

In December 1944 an audacious plan was hatched by Waffen SS officers and some Fallschirmjäger troops to break out of their camp in Devizes, Wiltshire and seize weapons, including tanks from a local army depot and march on London, all this was to coincide with the Ardennes offensive which was taking place in Europe. The Ardennes Offensive lifted the moral of many German prisoners as they though this would lead to their liberation but they were very much mistaken.

Their plan called for them to regroup after escape at Rybury Camp, await reinforcements and fight off any opposition.

Although the plan sounds ludicrous it caused the British some concern and not unfoundedly as there were around 250,000 prisoners in Britain (the equivalent of 48 divisions) at that time and the British and American forces stationed in Britain numbered considerably less as they were fighting in Europe and the Far East.

The huts were bugged and so the plan was discovered. On the night of The Great Escape at the appointed time the floodlights were turned on and revealed the camp ringed by Grenadier Guards who were stationed nearby. The easy going local guards were replaced that night by Polish troops, noted for their sensitivity towards Nazis.... The perpetrators were dealt with, being sent to Comrie Camp in Perthshire (Camp 21) in the wilds of Scotland which housed hard-line line Nazis (mainly young Waffen SS, Fallschirmjäger and U-boat crew prisoners) out of the way of other moderate prisoners. This did lead to one very unfortunate incident where Feldwebel Wolfgang Rosterg-a known anti-Nazi was sent by mistake. He was believed to have informed of the plot to march on London and after a severe beating was hanged in the latrine. Five prisoners were caught, tried and hanged in Pentonville Prison in North London on 6th October 1946. Another prisoner- Unteroffizer Gerhard Rettig was beaten to death for his open criticism of the plan and was beaten to death after being chased round the camp and two other prisoners were executed in November 1946 in Pentonville Prison.

Picture Credit Young Harry

Posted by The Englishman at 6:26 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

February 15, 2009

Top Blogging

A guide to the 100 best blogs - part I - Times Online

Yawn....

Posted by The Englishman at 7:13 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 13, 2009

Size Matters

Judge takes 12,000 words to rule that size does not matter - Telegraph

His conclusion clashes with that of Lord Denning, a former Master of the Rolls, who ruled that it only counted if it was at least seven inches....

Lord Denning was a good old country boy and I think in this case he knew what he was talking about, this ruling is going to cause a great deal of confusion if it is allowed to stand.

Posted by The Englishman at 4:40 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Friday Night is Music Night (English Love Song Edition)

In the Summer of 1888, Edward Elgar and Alice Roberts were heading towards marriage. Edward decided on a holiday with his long-standing friend, Dr Charles Buck of Settle, Yorkshire. As he left Worcester, Alice presented Edward with a poem she had written and entitled Love's Grace. While on holiday in Settle, Edward reciprocated by writing a short piece of music for her, which he called Liebesgruss (Love's Greeting). The work carried the dedication "To Carice", a contraction of his future wife's forenames Caroline Alice with which they subsequently christened their daughter. On his return from Settle, Elgar presented the work to his wife and proposed to her. They married at the Brompton Oratory in South Kensington, London in May the following year.

Towards the end of 1888, Edward submitted three arrangements of the work - for solo piano, for violin and piano, and an orchestral arrangement - to the music publishing firm of Schott who agreed to buy the work outright for a fee of two guineas. At first, the work sold slowly. Apparently with Elgar's approval, Schott's retitled the work Salut d'Amour and gave the composer's name as Ed. Elgar, believing that the French title and a less obviously English composer would help the work gain wider international approval. It did, much to the publisher's satisfaction but with no financial benefit to Elgar.

Posted by The Englishman at 4:32 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 12, 2009

Get Your Origin of Species here...

I succumbed to temptation and put my copy up on eBay:

1882 Charles Darwin "The Origin Of The Species" on eBay (end time 12-Feb-09 17:58:07 GMT)

I feel a little bit guilty, but then as it only cost me £3 I didn't think it good enough to give to my son for his birthday present....

Posted by The Englishman at 4:40 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Happy Birthday F, C and A

Alongside Charlie we also have that old Republican Abe and on a personal note a big Happy Birthday to the boy in Bristol.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:56 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 11, 2009

Call me a bigot but some multicultural ideas aren't for me

India makes cola from cow urine - Telegraph

Hindus worship cows for their life-sustaining dairy products, but many also consume bovine urine and faeces in drinks and spice mixes for their "health-giving" properties.
In some Indian states, cow dung and urine are sold in regular dairy shops alongside milk and yogurt, and "ayurvedic" Indian health food companies make porridge, toothpaste and tonic drinks which claim to cure ailments ranging from liver complaints to diabetes and cancer. The urine is also believed to have disinfectant properties while the dung is used in many Indian village huts as a clean and antiseptic flooring.
Now, the RSS's Cow Protection Department has invented a new urine-based soft drink it hopes will promote its health-giving properties to a wider market. "We refer to gau ark (cow urine) as gau jal (cow water) as it has immense potential to cure various diseases. We have developed a soft drink formula with gau jal as the base and it has been sent to a laboratory at Lucknow for testing," said director Om Prakash.
His team is now focusing on packaging, marketing, and of course preservation to stop its curative drink from going whiffy in the summer heat.

If they want some extra raw material there is plenty running down the brook here as the deluge of rain has cleaned the milking parlour right out.

Posted by The Englishman at 5:23 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 10, 2009

Out Hunting today

A big thanks to a reader of this blog for filling me up with hot sausages and port and then taking me out to follow hounds on foot (too snowy for the gee gees). I managed to avoid having to tramp very far, staying nice and warm as my little Wiltshire built wagon bounced round the tracks. I had a great time for which I give many thanks. I didn't manage to capture any decent photos so here is one from last week of the hills above my place, taken from a moving car...

Posted by The Englishman at 8:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Cutting out eBay

Change to policy regarding sale of knives on eBay.co.uk and eBay.ie

All knives except cutlery will be banned from sale on eBay.co.uk and eBay.ie.
This will impact UK, Irish and international sellers who currently list knives for sale to buyers on the eBay.co.uk and eBay.ie sites.
...However, the criteria for what constitutes a legal knife are increasingly complex, and this step is necessary to help further protect our members and provide them with the highest safety standards.

For this protection and help thank the BBC...

At least it helped me make up my mind that I needed a second Bear Claw knife and that I really ought to get on with buying a bayonet for the Lee Metford that has a scabbard...

Posted by The Englishman at 4:34 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

February 7, 2009

Snowman Outrage - Phocomelics up in arms (if they could)

Are they taking the piss? Everywhere you look there are crude caricatures mocking the disabled - we demand an apology an angry phocomelus pressure group demanded. Are the Distillers behind it?
Where is the Sunday Times insight team when you need it?

Ht FD

Posted by The Englishman at 1:02 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 6, 2009

Friday Night is Music Night (Unpolished Love Song Edition)

What with St Valentine's Day around the corner and the demand for more English music here's a bonus track to make up for the Wurzels...

Posted by The Englishman at 9:36 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Snow Clearing Competition

Through the good offices of Tim Worstall my observations about how snow clearance in these rural parts used to happen were, via Nigel Farage, broadcast to the audience of Question Time (first response to first question). Briefly I pointed out that in the bad old days lots of small contractors were given the job using their own equipment.
One point I didn't make was that this ensured there was competition to actually clear the snow. I remember being up at five and racing round the lanes finding snow to clear before the other farmers finished milking and came out with their diggers. I cleared more snow than them earlier so I got paid more.
Of course now the council only allow their own staff to clear roads this keenness to clear roads is no longer; in the case of the roads around here the council didn't clear the roads today and nobody else was allowed to so nothing happened.

Posted by The Englishman at 6:22 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Friday Night is Music Night (Yokel Request Edition)

The worrying thing is I actually talk like that....
The short version if you have better things to do:

Posted by The Englishman at 4:44 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

An English Gentleman's Sartorial Advice for Inclement Weather

Your overcoat will of course be made of wool, hand spun by some crofter; as it gets wet it